Smelly shoes
Ooh hoo! The things I could tell you! (see paragraph in bold below before you take anything I say here to heart)
We label the clothes and still he gets other people's and they get his! We have found a kind of solution to that however anyway recently, my Dad being younger at 60 and now being skinnier fits perfectly into Keith's clothes (my partner), Keith is 43 but a gym instructor and so likes young, hip clothing. Dad is now the only person walking round in the home with any kind of modern fashion sense!
I guess the carers now remember which clothes are his because the other inmates all much older would look ridiculous in the same clothes and perhaps their families might notice too! <chuckle>
Didn't however stop my Dad from having his pyjama shirt put on back to front the other night, (a button up one). When I asked why the heck that would be done it was because 'well it is very hard to put his shirts on what with his stiff arms'. He's got dozens of t-shirts that stretch, so I'm not buying that one!
Then when I visit my Dad and he has food from lunch all stuck around his mouth at 4 o'clock in the afternoon, dry snot around his nose (not from sneezing or colds just the odd booger that men with big noses and lots of nostril hair have) and eyes full of sleep. Well how tactfully can I complain? I have asked them to please clean around his mouth at least after a meal, and it does improve for a time. But really I shouldn't have to ask, I feed him quite regularly and its not a difficult task. The boogers and sleep in his eyes (god I hate the feeling of having sleep in my eyes, imagine having it there all day!?)
As for asking staff to bullying him into doing things, I'd never do that, yet I see them yank him out of bed, I see them manhandle him into chairs, its something I have to accept because they don't have the time to gentle him into position like I do, they can't be expected to get personal with him like I am and say 'Okay Tom, how about we go sit down for a bit, this way, come on, yeah this way, oh you want to go that way? Okay if you really want to...you finished going that way, well how about we go over to that chair now, yeah thats right, you've got it, now lets turn around, yep thats it, a little bit more, okay now, lets sit down, yes hold onto me if you like, okay we're going down now, are you ready? Thats it, that it, down we go, you can trust me, just hold on to me, I won't drop you, thats it, fantastic, you did that really well!' <wince at fingernail scratches and bruises around waist and back that I got from the being held onto>
When I'm not too busy worrying about all this and focusing my attention on Dad, and then of course there is the whole thing about trying to stay sane and not fall apart in one's own life, of course then, if I manage to find a staff member, though often I give up after walking up and down the hall looking in all the rooms, I will say thank-you and that I appreciate their efforts.
As for complaining, now that is a delicate dance! You don't want to complain to the wrong person and get an accidental result of resentment. You don't want them to see you as the annoying family member that just doesn't understand the pressures of their jobs, the logistics of it all. You don't want to be the one who harps on all the time. Afterall your not there all the time, who knows what they might do if they hate you, your making their thankless job even more difficult and there's your Dad, completely defenseless and unable to tell you what's been done in your absence!
And after all this, guess what? I don't think the home my Dad is in is a bad one, and the staff in it too are all acceptably good in my eyes. They are just humans dealing with a difficult job, short-staff and a whole heap of people with a terrible disease. I'm not having a go at you dear Dearth, but if others on here are like me, all they ever think about is caring for their loved one and with that comes thinking about how to deal with their loved ones carers, why their carers behave in certain ways, how they can get better caring for their loved ones from these carers, how they can word their concerns without saying the wrong thing. Sometimes it seems like I never stop thinking, am always putting myself in the other person's shoes, trying to be understanding, in fact I think I've forgotten what my own shoes look like!!
It is all very good advice and I will take it on board, but will somebody tell me where my shoes are???? I don't think anyone else seems to have time to put my shoes on for long enough to really understand what its truly like for me. Then again I probably can't blame them for not really wanting to try them on for too long they really stink! Alzheimer's does that to carers shoes you know!
Last but not least after my rant, please, please,please don't be offended by it Dearth, I am very impressed with the amount you care, and your energy in trying to be even better. You are wonderful, a breath of fresh air.
This rant was not directed at you or your post it was just a cry of frustration, that I can do all those things you suggest but, my shoes still stink!
Thank-you too all of the posters on talking point who also have shown me that they know what it is like to have smelly shoes.
