Making appointments without telling me.

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Netski129, Aug 30, 2015.

  1. Netski129

    Netski129 Registered User

    Mar 4, 2014
    My mum lives alone but I do her shopping and have gradually taken over more and more jobs, mainly paying bills etc because she gets confused with money and can't get out of the house alone. She has a home help once a week who helps her change her bed linen and does a little cleaning although mum insists she can cope. She can wash, dress and feed herself OK and can see absolutely no reason why she should move from the house she's lived in for the last 60 years. She told me she would never speak to me again if I put her in a home.
    My problem is that she keeps arranging things without telling me. She sees a wasp and and calls out the pest control people. She reports that her boiler isn't working and engineer can't find anything wrong. I made a dentist appointment for her and they said she made an appointment for yesterday but didn't turn up, then said she's made a number of appointments and hasn't turned up. She won't tell me when she makes these appointments because she thinks there's no reason to and likes to think she is managing her own affairs. I can't take her telephone away from her, has anyone else had this problem?
  2. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    If it's usually the same people she phones for appointments, would you be able to talk to them, explain the situation and ask them to let you know about any appointments so you could at least remind her or go with her?
  3. Netski129

    Netski129 Registered User

    Mar 4, 2014
    Unfortunately it could be anyone, random electricians - to change a light bulb, locksmiths because she's forgotten how to lock her doors, cold callers even though she's on TPS.
  4. Bod

    Bod Registered User

    Aug 30, 2013
    I fear at this stage, there's not a lot you can do.
    Have a ready apology waiting, "Sorry about the appointment, she's a bit/very forgetful, If this gets to be a problem with her, please contact me on.......)

  5. Grandma Joan

    Grandma Joan Registered User

    Mar 29, 2013
    I think it's just a phase. Soon she won't be able to make those appointments.

    Maybe a little inconvenient at the moment but it won't be for long

  6. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    Fife Scotland
    Mater went on and on about her fridge/freezer, eventually called the local handy man who arranged a new one for he ( yet to see the price as no idea how she paid, cheque she said).......then the gas board , she needed the heating turned down.....she won't make appointments, she likes people to come to her.
  7. Debf

    Debf Registered User

    May 31, 2015
    My mum is at this stage. I've arranged lifts for her for two appointments this week - she has been told and written down the names but she still said 'I need to book a taxi'. I bet she does too!

    She has also called out a locksmith to fix her door without telling me - it just needed a simple adjustment that my dear friend could have done. A plumber for a blocked sink - which wasn't blocked but he had to charge a call out. Plus lots more..............

    Good luck X
  8. JayGun

    JayGun Registered User

    Jun 24, 2013
    We have this too. Not only does my mother in law make appointments willy nilly, without keeping a record of them, she also cancels them too. Which is a joy when my husband has taken yet another day off in order to take her.

    I have either telephoned or been in to see all her regular people ( dentist, optician etc) and explained that she has dementia, can't go out alone any more really and if they want to stop all these non-attended and cancelled appointments then they need to keep me apprised of any contact with her and given them all my contact numbers.

    We've also reorganised MIL's address book into just the essential numbers, (mostly family) so she can't ring random tradespeople. It doesn't help that she has quite a limited vocabulary these days and often says "yes" to everything but can't answer any questions about specifics.
  9. Bessieb

    Bessieb Registered User

    Jun 2, 2014
    It must be a really common problem. We have this with my Father. He's called the emergency gas number three times because he can't switch his fire on. He also keeps getting estate agents round and putting the house on the market with them forgetting he's already signed contracts with others.
    I have found people are remarkably understanding when you call and explain the situation. Much more of a worry for us than them. There is very little you can do except apologise if people get concerned. You can't take the phone away from parents and they can't remember making the appointments. You have my sympathy though, very frustrating.
  10. Netski129

    Netski129 Registered User

    Mar 4, 2014
    Thank you for all your replies, pleased I'm not alone, I feel like I'm constantly apologising. The dentist phoned me up to say she keeps phoning them to ask where her dentures are and could I reassure her. I told her she doesn't need to phone them and she said I've only phoned them twice today, well that's the two times she remembered. I've left a big note next to her phone telling her not to phone them and that I've sorted it. I guess companys are used to this sort of thing. Thanks again everyone.
  11. AndreaP

    AndreaP Registered User

    British Telecom have a service called Call Barring Features user guide.pdf

    See page 4/5.

    I would call them and ask them how you do this on mum's phone. If you can restrict all numbers other than family and friends problem should be solved. Tell mum the dentist must have changed his number or their phone is out of order and she will need to call you to sort it out.

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