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Making and exhibition or human rights

robertjohnmills

Registered User
Nov 16, 2008
225
0
66
Bexley in Kent nr London
Sometimes I just don't know what to do for the best. Lifestyle choices Gay or Straight for that matter leave me with a severe quandry on so many fronts trying to care for a partner with Dementia.

How much behaviour should I blame on the dementia and therefore try to inhibit.
How far should I go to impose my standards, accepting that if its within the law he has the right to do as he pleases.
How understand that he is not aware of my feelings.

What is the cause of all this. He wants me to unblock the phone so he can call sex chat lines and wants a WebCam for Christmas so he can strip online!!! Do I have the right to interfere and stop him making an exhibition of himself?
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
17,541
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68
Toronto, Canada
If it were my partner, yes, I would block the sex lines and not give in to a webcam.

Are you uncomfortable with the sex lines and the stripping? Then block it. Did your partner behave like this when he was well? If no, an even more compelling reason.

This sounds like disinhibition, which is exactly what it sounds like. My mother went through a phase where she would burst out of the bathroom at the nursing home, wearing nothing but a few suds and a nasty scowl. I've always hoped the old gents enjoyed themselves. But this behaviour was so completely on the other end of the scale. My mother, when she was well, was always concerned about what people thought. AD certainly loosened her up.

Don't worry, eventually it will pass.
 

Vonny

Registered User
Feb 3, 2009
4,577
0
Telford
Hi Robert,

It's a tough call and I'd glad I'm not the one who has to make it. What I would say is, would your partner have wanted to do this before he developed dementia? If so, and you are ok with it, then go for it. If it's not then you will be protecting him by refusing although he'll probably be angry with you.

I'm all for human rights but he is so vulnerable with his condition that it is a real concern. Could you tell him the phone isn't unblockable and that your PC doesn't support webcams? He probably won't believe you but it could be just a phase he's going through.

Good luck

Von xx
 

jenniferpa

Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
39,445
0
I think you have to ask your self these questions (and this goes for straight or gay):

1) would he have done this before? That is, is it entirely in character?

2) would he be exposing himself to ridicule?

3) would he be endangering himself?

I expect there are others but these are the first things that come to mind. Only you know just how "conscious" he is about these decisions.

I wouldn't unblock the phone, though, unless I thought he fully understood the financial costs involved. These things can definitely add up.

I think what must be so difficult is that this must so hurtful for a partner. It's all very well repeating the mantra "it's the disease" but it doesn't always work.

Oh, and I've thought of another point. In effect you are now his conscience. So even if the answer to 1) is yes but there is no way he would have let you know about it, then I think it is is acceptable to say "no, you wouldn't have hurt me like this before and I'm not going to let you hurt me like this now".

Just my opinion though
 

robertjohnmills

Registered User
Nov 16, 2008
225
0
66
Bexley in Kent nr London
Thanks for your advice

Actually Vonny & Joanne, Yes he did do this sort of thing before we met 15 years ago. I think it may be some sort of regression. But I am very uncomfortable about it and I am concerned for him being taken advantage of. So I think I'll take up the rocommendation and be surprised when the WebCam is not supported by the PC and we have problems with the Premium lines.
 

Vonny

Registered User
Feb 3, 2009
4,577
0
Telford
15 years ago is a long time Robert, so to want to resume after all those years it's got to be the disease. If you are uncomfortable, then you are doing the right thing in preventing your partner from potential harm. You know him best, know him better than he does himself now, and I'm sure the partner you had before dementia struck would be thanking you for keeping him safe.

Vx
 

JPG1

Account Closed
Jul 16, 2008
3,391
0
Hi, Robert

It’s a fair while until Christmas ... so go with the moment for now, and maybe between now and then,demands may well change and things may improve for you. And if not, then buy and parcel up a sort-of-simulated webcam, minus a few of the vital mechanisms! Or buy another mini-laptop with a webcam that is not perfectly “installed” or even “oh, shucks, they told me it had a webcam, and it cost a fortune too”!!!

When it comes to the sex chatlines, then I might be tempted to block those, somehow or other.

It’s all about protecting you too, because unless you protect yourself, then you can’t do much to protect your partner. So, if you’re comfortable with him doing whatever, then go for it. But if not ... then protect your own feelings too.

Just my thoughts.

.