Makes me wonder........

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Billy's Girl, May 15, 2015.

  1. Billy's Girl

    Billy's Girl Registered User

    Oct 8, 2013
    76
    West Yorkshire
    When my OH went into a nursing home a male visitor made a comment. He said he had noticed that wives of Alzheimer's sufferers who spent long hours with their husbands more often than not develop it themselves. I thought thanks for that mate, but dismissed it at the time. I usually visit my husband two hours daily to help feed him and sometimes I think that I too am going down that path. Maybe it's just the worry and stress we have gone through, but it does make me wonder. Nevertheless, I will still go daily as he still knows me although is not always sure I am his wife. In fact he told me this week that my boyfriend had been in to see him. Fortunately he is now going through a settled stage and seems comfortable with his life in a very caring environment. You wonder how long life goes on like this, but I am told there are no two people alike. One resident has been there nine years and his daughter too visits daily. At that rate I would be in my mid eighties myself.
     
  2. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    Ignore the comment. You've got more than enough on your plate already. I made a coupla mistakes with folks' names in comments yesterday and today. I guess life still goes at race pace, with everything in my own head. So there ain't much room left to get everything right!

    All the best to you, Billy's Girl.
     
  3. malc

    malc Registered User

    they call it carers dementia,why do we get it,because we're heartbroken,tired,lonely and stressed,very stressed!!!
     
  4. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,693
    Salford
    It's a pretty pointless and heartless observation to make, he's right in so far as all women are at a higher risk than men. This is from an Office of National Statistics site
    "Ischaemic heart disease was the leading cause of death for males in 2013, which accounted for 15.4% of male deaths. The leading cause of death for females was dementia and Alzheimer’s disease, which accounted for 12.2% of female deaths during 2013"
    The variables make it a too difficult to give a real answer; if you've had close contact with any disease you're much more likely to be aware and seek help and therefore get a diagnosis. Women who've had a relative or friend with (say) breast cancer will almost certainly be more vigilant and seek help sooner, women any as a rule usually engage with the NHS when men are still ignoring the symptoms.
    As a nurse years ago I went to a meeting of people with leprosy, recently I went for a meal with some people one of whom is HIV+ am I bothered, no. You don't catch AZ the longer you live the more likely you are to get it so women currently outnumber men and as someone who is familiar with the condition you may be more likely to seek help and therefore be diagnosed. I sometime wonder how many of the old homeless guys you see on the street could be diagnosed with AZ but it's easier to blame the can of special brew* in their hand and not see that as their way of dealing with the results of an undiagnosed condition.
    (*other brands of dangerously high alcoholic drinks are available)
    K


    http://visual.ons.gov.uk/what-are-the-top-causes-of-death-by-age-and-gender/
     
  5. Billy's Girl

    Billy's Girl Registered User

    Oct 8, 2013
    76
    West Yorkshire
    All your comments greatly appreciated, as usual.

    Thank you. Went today and had a lovely couple of hours with OH. I did notice that he is now forgetting his daughters that don't visit although I have photos of them around. Thankfully he still remembers me though.
     
  6. Billy's Girl

    Billy's Girl Registered User

    Oct 8, 2013
    76
    West Yorkshire
    Now asleep all the time not bothered whether I stay or go

    This is a new one. He is sleeping all the time wouldn't wake up and wasn't interested in lovely sausage casserole and veg but woke up for pudding and promptly went back to sleep he is sleeping during the night so could his heart be failing too?
     
  7. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    857
    WEST SUSSEX
    Can go in phases Billy's Girl - when my husband slept at night and often during the day I worried - when he wasn't sleeping during the day and wandering all night in his NH - I worried. When he used to just drop to the floor anywhere, corridor, lounge, own room and fall asleep - I worried. All part of the illness - I was told by NH staff.
    Thinking of you WIFE
     
  8. Billy's Girl

    Billy's Girl Registered User

    Oct 8, 2013
    76
    West Yorkshire
    Had a very bad visit yesterday when I found him 'plastered' up, hands, face, pillows and everything. SRN took me to one side and explained everything is part of the process some experience others don't. Have to face reality or it will send me crazy. Going to try visiting every other day as he doesn't realise if I miss a day. Thank you for your kind words.
     
  9. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,471
    Ireland
    Actually, there is a three year study being done here on just the subject - whether the spouses of dementia sufferers are more likely to go on to develop dementia themselves! It's thought that the high stress levels they are under contribute, but the study aims to find out about the effects of stress on carers over 50, on both their physical and mental health. https://www.tcd.ie/Neuroscience/neil/research/de-stress.php
     
  10. Billy's Girl

    Billy's Girl Registered User

    Oct 8, 2013
    76
    West Yorkshire
    It will be very interesting to see the result of this study. I have looked at the weblink and although the participants are looking after patients at home, we all were at one stage. The three year study should conclude perhaps early next year so it will be interesting yo see what is the conclusion. In my own example, yesterday I had a busy morning and on the last stretch home turned right at the junction instead of left. I had to do a two mile detour! Mind must have been somewhere else although I do drive very safely. I am thinking though of changing to an automatic car as I sometimes find myself in the wrong gear! Good visit yesterday, I am now cutting them to every other day. I have realis d Thai I have been subconsciously thinking that me going every day is going to help him get better no it isn't unfortunately.
     
  11. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,471
    Ireland
    I've been through the first phases of the study, and should be due to do another bout of testing this Summer - but my husband went into full time care last September, so I'm not sure if I'm still eligible. Haven't heard from them yet, so I'll see when they get in touch. Have to say, I was really nervous about the tests - it was two hours of memory/cognitive and concentration tests. But I did better than I thought, once I got into the swing of it. Some we skipped - the mathematical section, after I explained that I never would have been able to do those, not just since being a carer - but some quite complex things, she said I had actually got much further (sequencing letters and numbers) than anyone had. Gave my confidence a great boost, I have to say!:)

    I do know what you mean about the concentration though, and the affects of stress on that. Around the couple of months when my husband was going into full time care, I locked my keys in the car three times in less than a month, and one day I had to pull in and stop on the road, as I suddenly had absolutely no clue where I was going! Couldn't remember at all, whether I was going to my daughters, or to town, or to work! It was a very frightening experience. It took about 30 seconds sitting in the car on the side of the road, before it came to me. So many things affect us. I had major surgery in November last year, and although I had been told the anaesthetic can affect a person for several months after - I just hadn't realised! Talk about brain fog! But things like that do get better, once the stress has lessened.
     

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