Hi, I'm new. My parents are 91 (mum) and 89 (dad). They both live together in their home. My brother and I work together to help them (mostly) and we have POAs for welfare and finance for both parents.
Mum does not have signs of Alzheimers but she is physically very infirm with arthritis in hips, knees, ankles and has experienced a number of falls in the home. She is currently hospitalised with a broken right arm and we expect her to go to re-hab and then maybe back home. Without being able to hold a stick she won't be able to walk at all. She needs the toilet at night 4 or 5 times and is terrified going to the bathroom. Clearly she doesn't always make it judging by the urine odour.
Dad used to be in a senior position and still comes across as totally on top of things. He was always dominant and can now be quite aggressive. It's been clear to me for a while that he's not coping. He's apathetic, drinks quite a lot, bottle of malt at his hand, and sleeps quite a lot in the afternoons. We discovered he'd arranged to pay £6000 to a builder to mend a fence........should have been £1k at most. We paid it to get rid of aggressive builder incidents. He's forgotten how to manage his finances, cheques bouncing, forgotten a savings account etc. Brother tries to help with this and checks post, gets accused of interfering and trying to steal money. Old colleagues who he used to meet regularly have been in touch with us to say he's now missing their meetings and they think he's losing his memory. But he does seem to stay in touch with some friends.
We've tried to declutter the house to make it safer but all help is refused. I hired two cleaners to help this summer and one was ordered out of the house by my father though she said she'd heard him yelling at my mother and tried to intervene. The other from Age UK was fired instantly because they don't need old age help. They did find another cleaner for 2 hours a week - good for them.
My dad is still driving. He refuses to go to the doctor. My brother really wants him to get a diagnosis but we cannot make him go to the doctor.
Currently my mum and him are saying that she has to go home from hospital and not go to re-hab.I I've told hospital social workers and OTs that she cannot go home and we have to over-rule my parents.
But they sound convincing. Dad says "I will make appropriate arrangements." We know he won't and cannot.
Any ideas about how to handle this situation???? Any thoughts about any aspect appreciated.
My dad clearly just wants to be allowed to drift away on his own, should we let him?
He's mum's carer but he can't care.
Neither of them can see reality at this point.
Mum does not have signs of Alzheimers but she is physically very infirm with arthritis in hips, knees, ankles and has experienced a number of falls in the home. She is currently hospitalised with a broken right arm and we expect her to go to re-hab and then maybe back home. Without being able to hold a stick she won't be able to walk at all. She needs the toilet at night 4 or 5 times and is terrified going to the bathroom. Clearly she doesn't always make it judging by the urine odour.
Dad used to be in a senior position and still comes across as totally on top of things. He was always dominant and can now be quite aggressive. It's been clear to me for a while that he's not coping. He's apathetic, drinks quite a lot, bottle of malt at his hand, and sleeps quite a lot in the afternoons. We discovered he'd arranged to pay £6000 to a builder to mend a fence........should have been £1k at most. We paid it to get rid of aggressive builder incidents. He's forgotten how to manage his finances, cheques bouncing, forgotten a savings account etc. Brother tries to help with this and checks post, gets accused of interfering and trying to steal money. Old colleagues who he used to meet regularly have been in touch with us to say he's now missing their meetings and they think he's losing his memory. But he does seem to stay in touch with some friends.
We've tried to declutter the house to make it safer but all help is refused. I hired two cleaners to help this summer and one was ordered out of the house by my father though she said she'd heard him yelling at my mother and tried to intervene. The other from Age UK was fired instantly because they don't need old age help. They did find another cleaner for 2 hours a week - good for them.
My dad is still driving. He refuses to go to the doctor. My brother really wants him to get a diagnosis but we cannot make him go to the doctor.
Currently my mum and him are saying that she has to go home from hospital and not go to re-hab.I I've told hospital social workers and OTs that she cannot go home and we have to over-rule my parents.
But they sound convincing. Dad says "I will make appropriate arrangements." We know he won't and cannot.
Any ideas about how to handle this situation???? Any thoughts about any aspect appreciated.
My dad clearly just wants to be allowed to drift away on his own, should we let him?
He's mum's carer but he can't care.
Neither of them can see reality at this point.
