Mad World

[Jackie]

Hi all,

Thank you for your kind words and support in regards to the Nursing Home posting I made and sorry it has taken me a bit of time to respond, but I had to take some time out from seeing my mum on Monday.

My Mum has Cerebal Atrophy Dementia and she lives in Devon, which is about 400 miles from me in Kent, and I have not moved her closer to me as she has a good friend in Devon that can visit her everyday, unlike I would be able to even if she was closer! It also takes a lot of pressure of me in certain aspects but in others it makes the 'guilt' of not seeing her more intensified.

Mum is now at the stage of where she is unable to eat, drink, talk or walk unaided so she now has to go into a Nursing Home as the nursing side has now overtaken the mental health issues. She is only 56!

I have just read JC141265 posting in 2005 Going Crazy, and that really did hit home to me about feeling ill all the time. I have not felt 'right' for years now, and I have had so many tests to try and find out what was wrong without much success. I have never been a sickie type of person, but in the last few years, my skin has been dry, unexplained bleeding, libido at zero, constantly tired, aches & pains and depression of which now I am taking anti-depressants as it had got to the stage of where I was finding the smallest thing I was unable to cope with, and I was losing sight of me.....then when I read your posting suddenly everything started to make me realise I am not alone in this and I am not going crazy in this cruel world. Which is a relief as I am only 35!

Last night my husband tried to comfort me while I was sobbing my heart out and he said to me "I wish there was something I could do or say to make you feel better" and all I could say was "There is nothing you or anyone can do - that's the problem!"

That is the real truth of the matter isnt it that 'No one can really help can they!'

 

[jakky]

Jackie

bin there!!!
stay strong and be positive, keep your chin up.....and in time you get there, having a right **** day myself, so trust me..
thinking of ya in these tough times

take care and best wishes

jakky

 

[Amy]

Hiya Jackie,
No people can't do anything, but driving home from work I realised that just being able to express the pain and frustrations and silly pleasures on here, that only carers understand, is healing. I know that before I found TP there was no-one easily at hand to just say those things to, that need to be got out. And now, there is always someone readily available, and hopefully I can do the same for others.
Amy

 

[connie]

Hello Jackie. No one can make it better, no one can take away the pain.

However it is good to talk, to share experiences, to realise sometimes that someone elses world is as dark as yours. TP is a wonderful place to unload, take advice, and make friends..........That makes life easier.

Chin up,and take care of yourself. Connie

 

[Norman]

Hi Jacky
you are right nothing can ever make it better ,nothing can put the present back to what it was which is what you want.
You will find some comfort as I have belonging to this great big TP family.
You can have a rant ,a moan a cry for help and someone will be here to help and listen.You will know that they speak from similar feelings.
Hope this helps
Norman

 

[Jackie]

Thank you all for being so kind and understanding.

It does so help when you are talking to people that do understand as trying to explain this evil disease to people havent seen this destroy your loved one's life and take away all their dignity and causes so much pain and distress to their loved ones.

You can tell them your true feelings, feelings that arise that you never thought you could possibly want such as wanting this disease to take your loved one sooner rather than later, wondering everyday when you are going to get that phone call to let you know that finally they are 'at peace' and this horrible horrible nightmare that you have been exsiting in is finally over and you can start to rebuild & gain your own life back - and those feelings you have to live with day after day......

I am not religious in anyway, and the only faith I have is in my family & myself, and people have asked me [who are religious] one day you may meet God and what would you say - that is an easy question it would simply be "What have you done to my Mum?" hence the fact that I dont believe in religion - if there is a God then it has got one hell of a sick sense of humour!!!!! This comment may offend some people - this is not my intention but it is how I personally feel and we all deal with this in different ways..........

I have no idea why I am finding this so tough at the moment, perhaps its because of Mothers Day approaching - who knows .....

Maybe one day I wont be so angry!


Sorry I know another rant