Hello everyone My mother is aged 90 and has been widowed for 3 years. I am her daughter and I have lived next door to her since my father died in 2012. I have a brother who lives 100 miles away but visits mum every couple of months. Mum has been showing signs of dementia for about a year - forgetful, repetitive, usual symptoms. Thanks to this forum, I have emailed mum's gp and they have done all physical tests and she is fine for her age. Mum is due to go back to her GP this week but has said she does not want to go and just wants to be left alone. We have finally got mum to sign an LPA - very reluctantly. She does not want anyone to be involved with her money. I have supported mum for the past 3 years, along with my partner (who works a 12 hour day and looks after his grandson and runs his own home). This has involved helping her move home (next door to me), emotional support and the million one things that you have do for an elderly parent. Mum has never been very good at organising repairs and maintenance and finances (my dad did all of that) and so my brother sorts her investments out and I help with day to day stuff. Now that mum is getting very suspicious and forgetful things don't get done as they should do. My partner used to look after mum's garden but he can't do that forever. I have asked my brother (as he does mum's finances) to ask mum if she would agree to opening an account for my brother (or me) to use to organise plumber, electrician, window cleaner, gardener, handyman, car repairs on a regular/ ad hoc basis so that mum does not have to do that any more because of her forgetfulness. Mum has refused this saying that she wants to stay in charge of her finances. The problem is (for me anyway) is that mum wants to stay in charge of everything to do with her bungalow and her money. So, if anything goes wrong, I am summoned to sort it out, whilst mum sits dictating what I should or should not say! Then, if she agrees, I organise the job and mum pays. Sometimes, things get left for months..such as the lawn, hedges and so on. I remind mum to get it done but she forgets so I organise a gardener and she takes a dislike to him! I do try to work with mum and support her independence but because her faculities are not as sharp as they were, we spend sometimes hours discussing what to do, before a decision is made, which usually involves me finding a repairer that mum is happy with. Whereas, what I would prefer to do is deal with the problem (ie blocked drain, broken toilet, mice in cupboard, car insurance, utility problem, skip hire ect ect) from my home and just do it as quickly as possible. I have spoken to my brother about mum's possible dementia but he thinks that there is no great problem, that mum can cope on her own and that I am 'nannying' her! This is easy to say when you live miles away and it is not on your doorstep! My brother says that we should give a list of people that mum can contact and just let her get on with it and if things go wrong then he will speak to her. Last week, mum's lights fused at 6 in the evening and her bungalow was in pitch dark. I dropped everything and went over to try and sort it out, with mum trailing after me telling me not to do this, not do that, mind this, mind that....my patience was fraying but I fixed it in the end. I used this as example to my brother and all he would say is that mum should just call out an electrician. She's 90 for pete's sake, alone, in the dark with a just torch..which I got for her! Has anyone any idea how I can help my mum without me losing my temper with the situation? I want to help her but I feel that I am just a go-fer. I resent my brother's freedom to come and go as he pleases. My 3 children have left home, whom I have brought single handedly. I am 60 and retired and have met a lovely man after 20 years of being alone and divorced. I just feel that it is my time now but I just feel trapped and resentful. I love and care about my mum but she has become increasingly selfish and will quite happily let me run around after her. I put this down to her undiagnosed dementia. I feel guilty as hell and do worry about mum but I just want to be free. Has anybody been through this?