Low a fed up


Registered User
Nov 14, 2006
West Cornwall
My parents moved in with my family ealier this year. We sold their property and built an annexe here. They had their own privacy and facilities but we were just a door away - instead of a 15 minute drive. My father had a stroke and has lost his speech as a result. Hence the confusion with mum and her dementia.

Mum has had to now go into a Nursing home and our local Social Services have now stated we have to pay the full amount of her funding (600-00 per week).

Dad was delighted to be in a position this year to have a few thousand spare and was even more thrilled to be able to pay for our wedding, which as an only child he and mum have always wanted to do.

Wedding booked and things organised - yes. But the Social Services are saying he cannot pay now. I have not broken the news to my dad yet - he will be mortified. I fear a further stroke through the stress for him.

Any advice ? We are all having sleepness nights with the worry - we dont have the money for mums care and fear the future.


Registered User
Aug 9, 2005
Oh Debs! I don't have any answers for you but how cruel this world can be!!! I hope others can give you some real help. Thinking of you. Nell


Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
Hello: I am not too sure of my facts but it is worth you checking out. As far as I understand it if your Mum is in a Nursing Home it is her money that should pay for it not your Dad. He should be free to spend his money as he chooses.

Obviously alot depends on how their money is set up. If it is in joint account - each has a half to spend - so your Dad' bit is free for him to spend ? on your wedding!!! - Beware of Social Services!!!!!!!

I am sure more folk on TP will have better info than me - I just hope you get helpful information.

Good luck Beckyjan


Registered User
Feb 24, 2006
Hi Debs

I don't know the answer to your question, but really feel for you. Have you tried phoning the Alzheimers helpline? Their number is 0845 300 0336.

The answer may depend on how much money your parents have, how much of it is in joint names etc. I don't see how they could stop your father from making some kind of contribution to the wedding costs but don't want to say too much in case I'm wrong. However, others here may have some first hand knowledge and may be able to help.

Also, if your dad is living on your property is he paying rent? If not, then maybe he should be, for obvious reasons! Just a thought.



Registered User
Nov 14, 2006
West Cornwall
Thank you for your kind words. It helps me realise I am not alone. But I am so new to this situation and I know nothing about Social Services or any of these Officials. They are just so unhelpful. Thanks guys x


Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
Hmm - you say a few thousand - if it's under £21000 that's his to keep. Also, although the SS can try to intimidate you, I'm not sure what the situation is when you have entered into a contract to pay for something before the situation arises that you need nursing care. I realise he may not have actually signed anything, but a contract, verbal or otherwise with a family member is still a contract, surely?

There are various fact sheets here on the AZ site (see the i Factsheets in the top left corner of this screen). Also Age Concern has a number of very detailed sheets regarding paying for nursing homes etc.


Edit to add
These are the relevant ones
Last edited: