• We're currently experiencing technical issues with our newsletter software, so our Dementia Talking Point monthly updates have been put on hold for now. We hope to restart the newsletter soon.

    Find out more >here<.

Lovely day out with him, one to treasure, - but it can never happen again.

SandyRose

Registered User
Mar 9, 2020
63
It was his birthday yesterday and our children have had it planned for ages - corona permitting - a trip to the coast while it was quiet followed by a bbq at our daughter's. Everything went fine, lovely afternoon. I must say he did not appear to register my presence particularly (and did not notice when I quietly slipped away later). Would look at him and think he as speaking normally mixed in with not normal and thought, as I have often, should be really be in a care home? Thought he may get agitated when he was taken back and indeed he did say he was not going back into that lockdown place but went in calmly enough and started talking to whoever was there. An hour later care home rang elder daughter, who had arranged all this, to say he was angry, agitated, try to throw a table through the window, yanking door handle off in the kitchen, very aggressive. My eldest daughter, who sees herself as the likely trigger - she lives in London, is here for a week and visited him every day - did not go as requested to calm him, second daughter did. She was there three hours. He would not take his medication or go to bed and - in a throwback to the weekend that sparked his move to a care home, talked about someone hurting his mother. All in all, it all ended badly. We cannot risk him possibly harming the staff, he is a man, strong,still relatively young (68 yesterday). The idea that he could come out Christmas Day is not going to happen. All three of my children are very upset at how it all turned out. Only second daughter who lives in town and went through it all with me had an inkling how he could be - though he has never been so violent to throw a table at a window. This is a long post, I just wanted to tell someone.
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,726
cornwall
It was his birthday yesterday and our children have had it planned for ages - corona permitting - a trip to the coast while it was quiet followed by a bbq at our daughter's. Everything went fine, lovely afternoon. I must say he did not appear to register my presence particularly (and did not notice when I quietly slipped away later). Would look at him and think he as speaking normally mixed in with not normal and thought, as I have often, should be really be in a care home? Thought he may get agitated when he was taken back and indeed he did say he was not going back into that lockdown place but went in calmly enough and started talking to whoever was there. An hour later care home rang elder daughter, who had arranged all this, to say he was angry, agitated, try to throw a table through the window, yanking door handle off in the kitchen, very aggressive. My eldest daughter, who sees herself as the likely trigger - she lives in London, is here for a week and visited him every day - did not go as requested to calm him, second daughter did. She was there three hours. He would not take his medication or go to bed and - in a throwback to the weekend that sparked his move to a care home, talked about someone hurting his mother. All in all, it all ended badly. We cannot risk him possibly harming the staff, he is a man, strong,still relatively young (68 yesterday). The idea that he could come out Christmas Day is not going to happen. All three of my children are very upset at how it all turned out. Only second daughter who lives in town and went through it all with me had an inkling how he could be - though he has never been so violent to throw a table at a window. This is a long post, I just wanted to tell someone.
I’m sorry it ended badly. As you say it won’t happen again. Sending ((hugs)) as there is not much I can say. But I think you are correct to not do it again.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,374
South coast
Im sorry that such a lovely day ended so badly. I guess he was exhausted and the sundowning became really bad. I used to take mum out when she lived in her care home, but as time went on I could do less and less and eventually I could not take her out either. I remember the sadness when I realised that our outings had finished.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
 

SandyRose

Registered User
Mar 9, 2020
63
Im sorry that such a lovely day ended so badly. I guess he was exhausted and the sundowning became really bad. I used to take mum out when she lived in her care home, but as time went on I could do less and less and eventually I could not take her out either. I remember the sadness when I realised that our outings had finished.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
My children, - particularly the eldest, always, from the day she was born , "mine" he said as he reached out to take her, and has been the moving force behind yesterday and visiting so frequently while she is here - have taken it badly, knowing that may well be the last time he will leave the home.
 

Brother47

Registered User
Jan 18, 2020
60
OMG, so sorry to hear this. That must have been awful for you when what you were doing was supposed to be a lovely treat. It's sad. I hope he settles down. Take care
 

Forum statistics

Threads
116,013
Messages
1,696,715
Members
66,825
Latest member
RICHY