Today Ed is looking lovely the girls have just washed him, nice clean clothes. I was so relieved. Sunday was a bad day when l tried to change him, he got quite aggressive, l flipped and went home, l told the manager l could not do his personal care anymore. I didn't visit yesterday, all is calm today ☺
Loved ones in a Care Home.
- Thread starter pamann
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Hello Pam,
It's kind of you to think of me. I still look in every day but have not felt able to contribute for a while.
It was so good to read that Ed's carers have taken over his personal care. It must be a great weight lifted from your shoulders being now able to share quality time together.
Anne is doing very well. She has made some good friends amongst the other residents of her CH and seems very happy in her new life. I am slowly getting to know them and the staff as well and visits are no longer the ordeal that they used to be. It can be quite amusing sometimes. One of the ladies is convinced that I am Anne's Father
Anne's consultant saw her this week and is happy that she is stabilised on her medication. The paranoia and auditory hallucinations have receded although she is still quite confused at times. At other times she is quite lucid and can shed a tear for what used to be. These are the times, of course, when the doubts creep in and I wonder why I'm not looking after her at home.
I think that I have my emotions a bit more under control now although sometimes out of the blue the situation hits home hard again and I have a bad day. Next Friday will be hard. It is our 38th wedding anniversary and the first we will have spent apart. I am dreading not being able to hold myself together during the visit but I must for Anne's sake. And of course on top of that there is talk at the home of Christmas already. I've been invited to spend the day and have lunch at the home with Anne and the other residents and staff. It's 8 weeks away yet so I still have time to decide. It would seem churlish to refuse but I am scared of embarrassing myself and upsetting Anne if I should become emotional.
Best wishes, Geof
Hello Geof, its so good to hear from you, l am pleased that you are coping well now, and that Anne has settled. June was our 52nd Wed Ann., it is such a sad day Ed didn't know he was married, l took him a card, he did put it in his pocket, l am sure he didn't know what it was for. I spent last Christmas with Ed in the CH, it was lovely, much better than being at home, they had so much going on, Pantomine, Carol singing, father christmas gave all the residents a present, beautiful decorations, it was such a happy time. I hope you will join Anne on Christmas day. I have adjusted well now to our new life, its now 14months Ed has been in care. I visit 5 days a week, l need 2 days off. Thank you for replying to my post, l often think of you.
We've spent the last 55 Christmasses together, but this year my husband will be in a Care Home, and our son has arranged flights for me to spend Christmas abroad with him and his family. He has arranged for us all to have an Alternative Chrismas here a week earlier in England.
I feel torn in two about the actual Christmas. But whenever I visit Rob in the Care Home, my presence seems to trigger him wanting to leave...and they say he's reasonably content when I'm not there. I don't know what to believe, as some of the less experienced Carers there say he asks for me all the time.
He's been agitated and upset lately, and getting very angry with me, pushing and grabbing when he feels I should be doing something to help him " get out of here". So maybe I should just go....but it will be very hard....
I feel torn in two about the actual Christmas. But whenever I visit Rob in the Care Home, my presence seems to trigger him wanting to leave...and they say he's reasonably content when I'm not there. I don't know what to believe, as some of the less experienced Carers there say he asks for me all the time.
He's been agitated and upset lately, and getting very angry with me, pushing and grabbing when he feels I should be doing something to help him " get out of here". So maybe I should just go....but it will be very hard....
Hello Anne l know how upsetting it is for us, l did enjoy christmas last year in the CH, they made every effort to give us all a good time. Some of the residents go and stay with family for a few days, mainly mothers with a daughters.
It will be difficult for you to decide what to do, maybe going to stay with your Son would be a nice break for you.
Thinking of you Anne, we have had so many years with our husbands, it is not easy for us at this time of the year.
It will be difficult for you to decide what to do, maybe going to stay with your Son would be a nice break for you.
Thinking of you Anne, we have had so many years with our husbands, it is not easy for us at this time of the year.
I really feel for you. It is such a difficult decision to make. Whichever you decide to do will be difficult. Is this his first Christmas in a care home. Will he know it is Christmas. We went to see mum on her last Christmas and we are glad we did. But I don't think she had a clue what it was all about. I hope you can decide soon. It is something that will play on your mind. Good luck.xxx
THANKYOU Casbow. Last Christmas we spent Christmas quietly at home and Rob had no idea it was Christmas. We'd had a simple Family Celebration lunch the week before, which he didnt like as he didn't know who anyone was....his sons and their families, our granddaughters. If I stay for Christmas Day I'll be on my own for quite a long time....
Grizzling wont help will it?
Hello everyone, carer's are having problems with Ed's personal care, yesterday he was in such a mess, l helped carer but he was so agressive, he didn't know it was me trying to help him, he had not been changed or washed for 24hrs, now doubly incontinent, it takes 3 carer's to change him, yesterday they were short staffed due to illness. We did manage with much difficulty, after the event he had forgotten all about it. His legs are still very swollen, Dr came to see him last week, it could be his heart or kidneys, Dr asked me if l want hospital tests done, l said no let nature take its course, he agreed with me, if he went to hospital, he would not be cooperative, as he doesn't know what is being said to him.
Last night most of the residents were so agitated with the loud fireworks going off, no respect for elderly people in the CH, it sounded like bombs going off.
Last night most of the residents were so agitated with the loud fireworks going off, no respect for elderly people in the CH, it sounded like bombs going off.
Oh Pam that's so sad and must be heartbreaking for you to see bless. I think you are right not to have hospital tests done . Sending big hugs to you xxxxx
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Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
Oh dear Pam! What an upset for you. It`s so sad the goalposts keep moving as progression occurs and however much we know, or think we know, doesn`t help us to accept.
Your poor husband. Goodness knows how he would feel if he understood his behaviour.
Your poor husband. Goodness knows how he would feel if he understood his behaviour.
Thank you Heike, Sylvia and cat, l do feel better now that l am not doing personal care, the carer's said Ed is the worst resident they have ever had, alot of them don't like being changed, but they are not agressive. Also they now wash his clothes, l was doing two machine loads a day plus now tumble drying, it is quite a relief less work for me.
Oh Pam, I was so sorry to read your post on how your husband is. It is so distressing for you. And am sending you lots of love and massive hugs, Diana xxxxxxxxx
Pam, so sorry to read your post, it is so hard on you, I think you have made the right decision about hospital I have made the same decision about my husband it is a hard decision but the right one. Sending you hugs. Xxxx
