Loved ones in a Care Home.

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by pamann, May 18, 2016.

  1. Rosebay

    Rosebay Registered User

    Jul 27, 2014
    165
    Oxfordshire
    My husband is being moved to my local hospital now just off to meet him. Thanks to everyone who supported me through the last three weeks


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  2. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,167
    Merseyside
    That's good news.
     
  3. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Hello Rosebay, l am so pleased to hear your good news, what a weight of your mind, no more train and bus journeys. You will start to feel much better having your husband near to you. ☺
     
  4. Rageddy Anne

    Rageddy Anne Registered User

    Feb 21, 2013
    5,990
    Cotswolds
    What a blessing it will be, not needing to make that difficult journey. Now let's hope the right meds can be found to help your husband find some peace...
     
  5. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    3,232
    Female
    The Sweet North
    That is such good news, Rosebay, and I hope this helps you to sleep well tonight.
    You must be so relieved.
     
  6. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,436
    Female
    Dundee
    That's great news!
     
  7. tigerlady

    tigerlady Registered User

    Nov 29, 2015
    427
    So pleased you husband is being moved nearer to you. Lets hope your local hospital is more user friendly than the one he was in. It sounds dreadful that after all that traveling, you were only allowed to see him in a visitors lounge and not allowed to walk round with him or go to his room. When my husband was sectioned I didn't have to meet him in a visitors lounge - I was allowed to go wherever he was. The hospital unit was much like a care home in that way, except it was set visiting hours. Hopefully when he is nearer to you, you will be able to get some quality time with him, and he will settle more.
     
  8. Kjn

    Kjn Registered User

    Jul 27, 2013
    5,835
    Hi rosebay

    What a relief for you to hear he is being transferred closer, fingers crossed all has gone smoothly xx
     
  9. Rosebay

    Rosebay Registered User

    Jul 27, 2014
    165
    Oxfordshire
    Hospital brilliant was able to unpack his clothes stay with him in his room go wandering with him. I am so relieved. Now on to next challenge house move to be near to my mum sister and nieces and a short drive from my husbands family. This seems quite daunting as his hospital specialist has said my husband is at risk to himself and others so will not be able to live with me anymore. I feel so sad that this is the case as I was still hoping for a miracle. Thank goodness I have a good solicitor to sort out all the legal formalities. Just hope I can find the perfect EMI home for him.


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  10. Rosebay

    Rosebay Registered User

    Jul 27, 2014
    165
    Oxfordshire
    Life in a sectioning unit

    I am really upset tonight after visiting my husband. He seems to have deteriorated so much since he lived with me. He rarely interacts with me now. Just getting him to sit down is almost impossible. All he wants to do is just march round and round until he gets to a door and then fiddles with the handle until he realises that he cant open it and then on to the next closed door. When I march with him he gets angry at me because I cant open the door. There are lots of activities planned during the day for the patients but I cant see any evidence of my husband actually taking part. I will have to find an Occupational Therapist when I go tomorrow to see if he is participating in anything other than marching. I hate seeing him so distressed at being locked in. I wish I could bring him home and leave all the doors open so he could wander to his hearts content without reaching a locked door but I do realise this is never happen. I hate this stage of the illness. People think my life is a lot easier now that he is not living with me - How wrong they all are.
     
  11. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Hello Rosebay, l know how you feel, we just have to let go of our husbands, it is quite normal at this stage that if they are mobile they wander all the time, always trying handles locked or not, if you took your husband home, there would not be enough room in a normal size house for him to wander, he would still get very agitated, my husband did, so l would let him out then he would get lost, if l locked the doors he would try to knock them down, in a CH they have much more room to wander, it is very hard for us to see them wandering, when my husband does it, l just leave and go home. He has not yet had time to settle, it will get better, in time you will get used to the way life is now, unfortunatly we can not change it.
    My husband has been in CH for a year, l have now come to terms with the new life l now have, not what we want, we have to think of all the happy times we once had, no one can take that away from us.
     
  12. Kjn

    Kjn Registered User

    Jul 27, 2013
    5,835
    Oh rosebay , it is hard to watch.
    Talking to a healthcare yesterday my dads not wanting to sit got his evening meal , we tend to order him soup n sandwich ..they're trying to give him sandwiches as he walks now . He tend to be agitated mornings and evenings now where he tries to get out (go to work, a meeting) he walks , has lie down, walk, lie down...all day unless we are visiting .
    As Pam said at home your OH wouldn't have to space to wander, as my dad wouldn't , the locked doors , frustration , you wouldn't cope with that either. My dads in a small hospital corridor and safer there at the moment .
    Thinking of you X
     
  13. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Good news, l told the manager that l was worn out doing all Ed's personal care, everyday was a nightmare for me, to see him in such a mess when l visited him was so upsetting, l said there must be something that you can do. Yesterday two carer's got him in a bath, for many years we have only had showers, must be 10yrs since he got in a bath, he loved it, he didn't want to get out, so miracles do happen☺ l do hope this continues, he was so happy, friends came to see him they are the only ones that visit every month, he doesn't recognise them now, but they still come to see him, they are true friends.
     
  14. Kjn

    Kjn Registered User

    Jul 27, 2013
    5,835
    That's good news Pam , also good they are doing it instead of you , let's hope this continues xx
     
  15. tigerlady

    tigerlady Registered User

    Nov 29, 2015
    427
    Thank goodness for that Pam. After all it is the carers job and they should have strategies in place for delivering personal care to people with challenging behaviour. My husband is very difficult, but they manage.

    At last you will be able to step back and have a rest
     
  16. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Yesterday was back to me doing personal care somehow l thought it was too good to be true, Ed was in an awful mess, he got aggressive when carer's tried too change him.
     
  17. Kjn

    Kjn Registered User

    Jul 27, 2013
    5,835
    Oh Pam , they'll have to find a way to manage him.
    If you weren't there to do it as you've happily done for so long , what would they do!?
    Perhaps you need to be firm with them to find a way, xxxx
     
  18. pussygalore

    pussygalore Registered User

    Oct 25, 2015
    17
    Care Home

    My partner has just had a week in a local care home to give me a short respite. At the beginning all seemed to be ok but when I went to collect him they were a little bit grumpy and surprised that he needed assisted feeding and one to one attention even though the care manager had done a full assessment and I had typed up two pages of notes just pointing out the very things they complained about. They also complained that he followed a particular member of staff around wanting to communicate and show her his colourings and they seemed unable to cope with this. Am I wrong in feeling that he should have been in the Dementia Section where the staff understood this horrible illness and not with the very old and frail people who spent most of their days asleep where general caring was needed. He looked so untidy they had not even combed his hair and I felt so depressed and tearful for days and am still feeling very down in the dumps still. Should I, next time respite is needed, insist that he is looked after with all the other dementia sufferers.
     
  19. Rageddy Anne

    Rageddy Anne Registered User

    Feb 21, 2013
    5,990
    Cotswolds
    I'd say YES pussygalore. Though even in a Dementia place I daresay nobody gets one to one attention. Sorry your respite was spoiled by the grumpiness....not your fault, nor your husband's so why spoil things for you? I hope at least you feel a bit rested.
     
  20. pussygalore

    pussygalore Registered User

    Oct 25, 2015
    17
    Care Home

    Thank you Rageddy Anne. I must admit I did find the grumpiness very unnecessary and I was very confused as I though CH to be just that "caring" (this was my first experience of respite). I am going to contact my social worker (not seen her for absolutely months) and explain to her the attitude of the CH as she was the one who arranged it. As for feeling refreshed absolutely not he has come out worse than when he went in and he had only been home for about one hour when I had to reach for the headache pills but he is not violent, just gets a bit grumpy at meal times and bedtimes.
     

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