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Loved ones in a Care Home.

pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
0
Kent
Hello Rosebay,
So sorry you are going through this very difficult time, l know it will not help you, but Ed went in CH for 2wks respite, last year, he was so advanced with Alzheimers, l was advised to keep him in full time care, l know now that was the right decision, l hope what ever is decided with your husband will be the best decision for you.
Sending you much love
 

Florence.

Registered User
Nov 7, 2012
116
0
Thank you Florence. It's accepting the situation that I am struggling with I am by nature a very organised person and now my world seems completely out of my control and I can't find a way to make it right again


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Rosebay hon, I think our brain will only accept a certain amount of information at a time when it is major stuff, especially if we had previously thought things were going to be very different. Accepting what is happening will be gradual and feeling out of control is horrible in the meantime but understandable. Things are not in your hands at present. I'm going through a lesser situation than you at the moment. Being an organised person too, my truck is hurtling downhill with me holding wildly on but not able to steer, just waiting to see where I land. Totally out of control and all the time feeling this can't end well! Hang in. Take small steps and ask all the questions you need answers to. Keep asking until you understand. Xx hugs
 

Rosebay

Registered User
Jul 27, 2014
165
0
Oxfordshire
Just got home and have had the phone call. they are talking my husband to a hospital in the wirrals. I gave no idea where yet I believe it's a good hour and a half car journey from where I live. let's hope it's near a railway station. They did say as soon as a bed becomes available locally they will move him but that doesn't seem to be helpful at present as I am desperate to see him I just don't understand how he got so uncontrollable so quickly I am blaming the respiredone. He was difficult but manageable at home on lorazepam it calmed him but unfortunately wore off a bit too quickly. Hopefully they will try something else. I just want him calm and stable.


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Kjn

Registered User
Jul 27, 2013
5,833
0
Just got home and have had the phone call. they are talking my husband to a hospital in the wirrals. I gave no idea where yet I believe it's a good hour and a half car journey from where I live. let's hope it's near a railway station. They did say as soon as a bed becomes available locally they will move him but that doesn't seem to be helpful at present as I am desperate to see him I just don't understand how he got so uncontrollable so quickly I am blaming the respiredone. He was difficult but manageable at home on lorazepam it calmed him but unfortunately wore off a bit too quickly. Hopefully they will try something else. I just want him calm and stable.


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Rosebay ..I'd say it's the condition . My dad was a nightmare handful , they tried rispiridone , he zoned out entirely , he has been removed off it ... Still the same ...

Xx
 

Rosebay

Registered User
Jul 27, 2014
165
0
Oxfordshire
I am awake Re. reading all the replies thank you all I know my husband will be in safe hands in the hospital tonight. They have told me that transport should be provided for me because he is out of area which surprised me. Will see if that's true when I ring their transport department. They have also said just come in any time. It sounds like a good place for him to be. Have no idea what happens after the twenty eight day assessment. I have not signed any paperwork for permanent care home care only the two week respite. I wonder if they do refunds!!! Bet they don't. Oh well i am in a more settled frame of mind now just wish I could sleep.


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Rageddy Anne

Registered User
Feb 21, 2013
5,984
0
Cotswolds
Thinking of you Rosebay, hoping you're getting some sleep now....
In some ways the developments might turn out for the better, but for you it's horrible at the moment. Reaching out.....there are lots of hands to hold on here...people who understand what you're going through.
 

Rosebay

Registered User
Jul 27, 2014
165
0
Oxfordshire
Thank you Ann. I am hoping my husband will recognise me that's the thing I dread the most when I visit later today x


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Rageddy Anne

Registered User
Feb 21, 2013
5,984
0
Cotswolds
Thank you Ann. I am hoping my husband will recognise me that's the thing I dread the most when I visit later today x


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Sometimes my husband doesn't recognise me at first, but soon realises....some sort of chemistry seems to remain....nobody else but me, for instance, rubs noses with him!xx
 

pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
0
Kent
Hello Rosebay,
I do hope you will be able to see your husband today, l am sure he will recognise you, your love for each other never dies, my husband is always so pleased to see me. Thinking of you.
 

Rosebay

Registered User
Jul 27, 2014
165
0
Oxfordshire
Just rang hospital husband very unsettled have advised me not to visit today. What should I do ignore them and go or wait until he is more stabilised. He must be so frightened lots of strange faces and another different place. I wish I could just bring him home


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HillyBilly

Registered User
Dec 21, 2015
1,947
0
Ireland
Hi Rosebay. I think you should heed their advice if you can. A visit from you might unsettle him more and I also think it will do you no good at all . Keep in touch with them and us on here x
 

Rageddy Anne

Registered User
Feb 21, 2013
5,984
0
Cotswolds
Feel for you, you long to go to the rescue, but the truth is he needs to settle and seeing you could make things harder for him. Hold tight.....what you're doing is best for him.xx
 

Florence.

Registered User
Nov 7, 2012
116
0
Just rang hospital husband very unsettled have advised me not to visit today. What should I do ignore them and go or wait until he is more stabilised. He must be so frightened lots of strange faces and another different place. I wish I could just bring him home


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

This is the usual advice when someone enters care Rosebay ,hard though it is, in order for the person to settle as much as possible. I would try and go with what they say. You can keep in contact with them to find out how he is. Remember they are very experienced with new people and the difficulties they face at first and will do everything they can to help your husband settle. Sometimes they advise leaving visiting for a few days,it depends how he is. Thinking of you.x
 

pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
0
Kent
Hello Rosebay, as the hospital has advised you not to visit, l don't think that you should go. I waited 2wks as my husband was very difficult. I know how hard it is for you, but it will get better. As soon as they can relocate him you will be able to see him.
 

Rosebay

Registered User
Jul 27, 2014
165
0
Oxfordshire
Thank you all for replying. My husband slept most of the morning so no news when I rang at lunch time. Tried at 8.30 9 and 9.30 tonight but no one answered phone maybe I just left it too late. Feel very restless not knowing Will ring again in morning. Wish I knew who to chase about moving him to the hospital near to our house thirty five mins walk door to door. Fortunately I have a neighbour that will take me to the direct line station and then I just have one change. Estimate about two hours travelling just to get there. When something like this happens you begin to realise how stretched the NHS are when they have to go so far to just find a bed !!! Am not happy


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pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
0
Kent
Hello Rosebay,
Just keep phoning the hospital for news, we are here supporting you, it must be awful for you being so far away from your husband, phone SS to see if they know when he will be moved. I do hope it will be soon, the journey is a long way to visit, then the journey back home will be upsetting for you, it maybe a good idea to stay in a B & B if there is one near to the hospital, depending how long your husband is going to be there. Train journey'snare not cheap.
 

Jinx

Registered User
Mar 13, 2014
2,333
0
Pontypool
Just catching up and so sorry you've been having such problems, Rosebay. xxx
 
Last edited:

Rageddy Anne

Registered User
Feb 21, 2013
5,984
0
Cotswolds
Thinking of you Rosebay.....I hope you can get some rest, though it's really hard when you're worried.

The thing is, if you do visit, and after a long journey it becomes obvious the visit is too hard for him at this early stage, then you'll have had a distressing and short visit, and then the return journey, and you'll be upset too. Probably better to accept their advice, hard as it is for you.

I really do feel for you....sending a hug....
 

Rosebay

Registered User
Jul 27, 2014
165
0
Oxfordshire
Thank you for hugs. My husband is not settling at all and he has now become incontinent he was not when he was home with me. How can so much change in just nine days. He is not responding to medication yet but the staff sister did say there was a slight improvement today. They have said it may be a week or so before he is settled and well enough to see me BUT I can ring any time. He is not communicating he has not said anything that makes sense so far except for Stop leave me alone when they were trying to wash him.
It feels to me that he is giving up fighting this horrible disease because I am not there with him helping him. I am trying to track down the hospital social worker who has been assigned to him to make sure she is chasing a bed for him in the secure unit near to our house. When he is moved I feel like hammering on the door until they let me in but I wont of course. I guess I better try to sleep now but I have had months of so many disturbed nights I just can't can't switch off and sleep oh well let's see what tomorrow brings. Thank you all for helping me x


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