1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

love to hear from anyone who's around this weekend

Discussion in 'Younger people with dementia and their carers' started by HLon, Aug 18, 2006.

  1. HLon

    HLon Registered User

    May 30, 2006
    17
    London
    Hello,

    I'm looking after my mum for the weekend - my dad's away having a break, and I just got here after getting the train from London after work, and have taking over from the carer. I've just put my mum to bed and I'm feeling so tired and fragile and sad and weepy, even though I can sense we'll have some good moments together too. I think partly I've been building up to this weekend in my mind, and worrying about it and how I'll cope, even though it's something I really want to do and now I'm finally here all the emotion's coming out. There's nothing quite like this experience other than the experience itself and contact with all of you who know about it first hand. Times like this can feel really isolated. Love to hear from anyone who's around.

    H
     
  2. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Hi H,

    we are all in the same boat, but you must never feel isolated here on TP.
    Someone is usually about, and I find it also helps to read of others problems.
    Does not make your own fear and concerns any less, just seems another point of contact.

    Hope you have a stressless weekend. You have nothing to fear but fear itself.
    Love,
     
  3. HLon

    HLon Registered User

    May 30, 2006
    17
    London
    Thank you Connie, just reading through all these posts is good - it's been too long since I last did. It's grounding and familiar. Very true about fear of fear - a friend has given me an amusing but relevant card entitled 'The Lady & The Spider' which says beneath the cartoon ' No longer does she fear the spider. Instead she draws STRENGTH from the knowledge of her bravery in its presence'. I need to remember it.

    H.x
     
  4. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Just sending you a special hug. Goodnight
     

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  5. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Am all so sending you a big (((Hug))) .

    Have you plan anything to do with your mum tomorrow ?
     
  6. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya H,
    It's quite scarey when your dad trusts you with the responsibility of caring for mum - that's what I found anyway. I'd sleep so lightly waiting for her to wake; try and follow dad's routines, keep everything normal for mum. And I used to find it such a lonely experience, having left my family at home - and mum being unable to talk. And I think for me it made me truly realise what my mum and dad's life had become, and that saddened me.
    H, well done for being there. There's always someone here to talk to - will chat again tomorrow!
    Love Helen
     
  7. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    Hiya H
    You've reminded me of all the lonely times I spent away from my family last year when I regularly went to stay with mum at her house.....oh how I missed them!....Although I've not been without problems with mum since she moved in with us 4 months ago I feel so lucky that I have my family with me now....I used to get very anxious before I visited and although I had few problems there I felt very isolated and lonely....if only I'd had TP then!!!
    I know what you,re going through
    Try and have a good week end
    Love
     
  8. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    1,157
    hello H

    hope you got through the night ok and you enjoy the time you spend with mum,
    what a lovely thing to do for your dad, and your mum,
    hope the weekend goes well for you
    take care xx
     
  9. catm

    catm Registered User

    Jun 13, 2006
    14
    Merseyside
    Hi,
    It's quite normal to feel isolated when you're caring fro someone who can't comunicate as they used to, but you aren't alone in this, there are plenty of us who know exactly how you feel, so I hope you draw some strength from knowing you're not alone. Try not to worry and enjoy the time you have with your mum, she is still in there somewhere, even if she can't tell you that. Concentrate on doing something you can both enjoy together, and remember we're always here so keep posting! As Connie says, there's always someone about, so you don't need to feel alone if you're having a wobbly moment, we all have them too!

    Hope you can have a nice time this weekend. Chin up and keep smiling :) Remember it's not all bad. There are good times to be had too.

    Cat.
     
  10. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,586
    Kent
    Hi H
    I hope it pleases you to know that in asking for help, you gave help.

    I love your anecdote about the lady and the spider and will keep it with me always. We need to draw strength from somewhere,and what better place than the contributions to TP.

    I hope you coped with your Mum, and so enabled your Dad to have a well deserved, worry free break.

    Grannie G
     
  11. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    Hello HLon,

    I hope by now the nerves & the emotions have come under control a bit, and you've had a reasonably good weekend so far with your mum. I often find that things which I worry about turn out to be no big deal, but the things which should be straightforward & simple can be the ones which turn pear-shaped!

    Anyway, I just thought I'd say well done for "stepping up to the plate" (as our US cousins would say) and giving your dad a chance to re-charge his batteries & relax a bit for a couple of days. :D Mind you, having said that, I wouldn't be at all surprised if he's been like a cat on hot bricks, wondering how you've got on! :p How many times has he phoned?

    Best wishes
     
  12. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    Hi H
    Hows it gone today?
     
  13. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Hi HLon
    I'm around if you want to talk.
    Hope you are coping alright
    Norman
     
  14. HLon

    HLon Registered User

    May 30, 2006
    17
    London
    going so much better

    hello everyone,

    thank you so much for all your replies. It's so reassuring to read that other people also get anxious in anticipation, have felt the loneliness, the funny isolation of being with someone who doesn't communicate easily. As you've said, it makes me realise once again what my dad's existence must be like on a more daily basis.

    Now the weekend's got underway, things have improved. My younger sister's also joined me, which has been nice, tho' a friend of hers has just died so she's going through a tough time.

    Yesterday I took mum shopping - a focused outing to try to find her a jacket (not this time) and some comfy shoes for winter (success with some Ecco velcro ones). I also bought us a footcare set from Boots (footsoak, exfoliator and moisturiser) so you can imagine us yesterday evening sitting in the kitchen, soaking our feet in washing up bowls with some nice music on. We finished up by painting our nails. Not something mum ever did before she was ill, but a really nice way to spend some time together and for us all to benefit from relaxing - I can recommend it!

    Another early start this morning - I too experience sleeping lightly, and listening for those early morning stirrings. I've just bathed mum. She's increasingly having problems finding the loo ie finding it to sit down on, which is hard to see.

    Any way, I do hope all your weekend's are going well - do share any good mutual activities you've discovered. I think a walk might be in order next...

    Helen x
     
  15. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    Hi Helen
    I'm glad its going ok ......i relate to yhe isolated feeling of being with someone who can't/doesn't communicate easily.....I used to find it very strange sitting with someone who doesn't chatter as she used to before the illness....I always felt as if I had to keep a conversation going....but I'm used to the silences now....company is enough for mum...
    I'd like to thank you for your post......I think it brings it home how lonely many of the carers on here must feel at times....caring for their spouses/parents/relations on their own......You have reminded me how lucky I am....I have my husband and kids to break my loneliness and for that I am so grateful....
    Take care
    Love
    Wendy
    x
     

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