Love in the time of Covid-19

northumbrian_k

Volunteer Host
Mar 2, 2017
1,619
0
Newcastle
With apologies to Gabriel García Márquez.

It seems to me that one of the things that will help us carers through the current coronavirus outbreak is the love that we have for the people for whom we care. For those who like me have a person in permanent care and currently locked down, the expression of that love will be in how we deal with the absence of our loved one. My wife has very little appreciation of time, so whether she sees me today or after several weeks will probably not matter much. I am on the periphery of her life now - although still important to her - and we do still share good times. I am confident that the staff at her home are friends that she sometimes recognises and who she has come to rely on. For me, the break to my established routine of visiting her on 4 days per week will be hard and has already opened up many hours to be filled. If I can't hold her hand, kiss her cheek and tell her I love her (whilst at the same time possibly passing on the virus) for the next however many weeks that's just one more thing that I'll need to accept. It seems likely that my beautiful greyhound will get some extra care and affection during that time.
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
910
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Hi @northumbrian_k, difficult times for sure. We are all used to Care Homes shutting to prevent infection when vomiting bugs are prevalent but that tends to be for a week or two at the most with light at the end of the tunnel, I imagine this feels quite different due to the lack of information and certainty. It must be awful for you not having the contact, and from what you have said a 'phone call to your wife wouldn't work. Stay strong.
 

Wifenotcarer

Registered User
Mar 11, 2018
330
0
Central Scotland
Hi @northumbrian_k, difficult times for sure. We are all used to Care Homes shutting to prevent infection when vomiting bugs are prevalent but that tends to be for a week or two at the most with light at the end of the tunnel, I imagine this feels quite different due to the lack of information and certainty. It must be awful for you not having the contact, and from what you have said a 'phone call to your wife wouldn't work. Stay strong.
Thank you Northumbrian for your measured and sensible thoughts. I shall try to keep them to the forefront of my mind to banish morbid thoughts.
 

Ernest

Registered User
Jan 23, 2018
139
0
This is so hard. My OH is in a lovely CH so I really don't have any cause to worry but I do. I saw him yesterday and he was so worked up about all the Coronavirus stuff. He stays in his room most of the time and watches TV and of course it's all over it. When I told him I wouldn't be seeing him as usual he couldn't take it in. He couldn't understand how I could come and go and not him. He was worried about me going to work saying I should stay there with him. I referred to the kideology and said that as I was under 70 I had to go to work but he had to stay in! How long will it be for I wonder? Someone said it could be 4 months. He can be very difficult but I have not seeing him. I just hope he doesn't think I've abandoned him which he accuses me of doing, on a regular basis.
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,886
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It's really tough, in another post I sound matter of fact and sensible. But I cry with the loneliness of the situation. I miss him so much.
This virus certainly is the joker in the pack. Even fragile plans are more uncertain now.
I try to live in the moment, tomorrow I will speak on the phone, try and arrange Facetime. I feel for us all, but I know I have to buckle up and get on with it. If we did not love deeply it would not hurt. Xxx
 

northumbrian_k

Volunteer Host
Mar 2, 2017
1,619
0
Newcastle
Just off the phone to my wife's care home. No surprise that yesterday's announcements have reinforced their policy of 'no visits'. Unlike what some others have said, the staff seem quite happy for me to keep in touch by phone. My wife's fine as I thought she would be. The residents and staff, however, will miss the supply of 'luxury' biscuits (Aldi's best) that I take in every Friday! My cycling club has cancelled all rides and events. Whilst it remains socially acceptable I'll get out on my own when I can. The friend that I was going to meet on my (now cancelled) holiday to Spain has given me an idea of what it is like there, including someone nearly get a substantial fine for riding a bike. I need to hunker down for a while and maybe take up macrame.
 

Roseleigh

Registered User
Dec 26, 2016
346
0
My husband has been in the psychiatric hospital due to behaviour since December . He is due to be moved on in the next month or so but am concerned care homes will not want to take new residents in this crisis.