Hello,
My mother has the early stages of dementia, we’re waiting for her to be assessed to get more info. From what we know she has appalling short-term memory, poor judgement (e.g. re money), forgets words for things, makes up things that people have “told her”; so many things. My father died last year (I previously posted about him, he also had dementia) so now my Mum lives alone. Whilst she is coping fairly well at the moment, we are obviously worried about how she will manage as the dementia progresses. None of the family live particularly close, the nearest is over an hour away and myself and my brother are over 200 miles away. My Mum has absolutely no idea that she has any sort of problem and we don’t intend to tell her.
What we’d really like at the moment is if she could get daily visits of some sort in her home. Is this the sort of thing social services will do? We don’t mind what the pretext for the visits is, just so long as a responsible person can check on her. What support is available for someone who is extremely fit physically, just who doesn’t cope in a crisis (real or imaginary). Does the medical assessment have to be done before she can get any help? Mum’s doctor seems supportive, but nothing seems to be happening very quickly as far as assessment goes!
So far the doctor has done blood tests, these came back clear She is going for an ECG, and we are waiting for an appointment at the memory clinic. What would the blood tests be checking for? Is it just to check there are no infections that could be causing confusion or can you actually diagnose certain sorts of dementia from the blood? Likewise the ECG, is this to check that the heart is pumping enough blood to the brain? At the memory clinic wil they just be doing the MMSE or is there more to it than that?
As for the future, we don’t think Mum will be able to cope in her current home for too long (it’s a 4 bed-roomed house with a big garden). She is adamant she won’t leave so we’re not attempting to persuade her just yet. What type of accommodation is available where she would have some support but could basically be independent? She is nowhere near needing a “home” at the moment. How do you find out about this sort of housing?
Also, when is the best time to plan for her to move out of her own home – while she is reasonably ok and can be persuaded, or wait till the situation is so bad she is forced to move? Is moving her from her own surroundings likely to make her worse? We’re considering the possibility of moving her near to one member of the family so it’s easier for “us” to support her but unfortunately that would mean away from her friends. However from what we can see, whilst longstanding, none of these friends seem to be giving much actual support. Though I guess it’s a difficult situation to get too involved in.
Sorry for so many questions! We’re really just trying to get as much information as possible so we can try to make some plans for her. We ideally want to be able to present her with some sort of positive scenario when we suggest leaving her home. There’s been a big family crisis lately (ongoing) which has caused a huge amount of stress and definitely hasn’t helped my mother. Maybe if this is resolved in some way she will be able to cope better for a time, but I know at some point all these issues are still going to need addressing.
Thanks for any answers you can give. The help is much appreciated. I’m sure I’ll think of more stuff to ask!
Mary
My mother has the early stages of dementia, we’re waiting for her to be assessed to get more info. From what we know she has appalling short-term memory, poor judgement (e.g. re money), forgets words for things, makes up things that people have “told her”; so many things. My father died last year (I previously posted about him, he also had dementia) so now my Mum lives alone. Whilst she is coping fairly well at the moment, we are obviously worried about how she will manage as the dementia progresses. None of the family live particularly close, the nearest is over an hour away and myself and my brother are over 200 miles away. My Mum has absolutely no idea that she has any sort of problem and we don’t intend to tell her.
What we’d really like at the moment is if she could get daily visits of some sort in her home. Is this the sort of thing social services will do? We don’t mind what the pretext for the visits is, just so long as a responsible person can check on her. What support is available for someone who is extremely fit physically, just who doesn’t cope in a crisis (real or imaginary). Does the medical assessment have to be done before she can get any help? Mum’s doctor seems supportive, but nothing seems to be happening very quickly as far as assessment goes!
So far the doctor has done blood tests, these came back clear She is going for an ECG, and we are waiting for an appointment at the memory clinic. What would the blood tests be checking for? Is it just to check there are no infections that could be causing confusion or can you actually diagnose certain sorts of dementia from the blood? Likewise the ECG, is this to check that the heart is pumping enough blood to the brain? At the memory clinic wil they just be doing the MMSE or is there more to it than that?
As for the future, we don’t think Mum will be able to cope in her current home for too long (it’s a 4 bed-roomed house with a big garden). She is adamant she won’t leave so we’re not attempting to persuade her just yet. What type of accommodation is available where she would have some support but could basically be independent? She is nowhere near needing a “home” at the moment. How do you find out about this sort of housing?
Also, when is the best time to plan for her to move out of her own home – while she is reasonably ok and can be persuaded, or wait till the situation is so bad she is forced to move? Is moving her from her own surroundings likely to make her worse? We’re considering the possibility of moving her near to one member of the family so it’s easier for “us” to support her but unfortunately that would mean away from her friends. However from what we can see, whilst longstanding, none of these friends seem to be giving much actual support. Though I guess it’s a difficult situation to get too involved in.
Sorry for so many questions! We’re really just trying to get as much information as possible so we can try to make some plans for her. We ideally want to be able to present her with some sort of positive scenario when we suggest leaving her home. There’s been a big family crisis lately (ongoing) which has caused a huge amount of stress and definitely hasn’t helped my mother. Maybe if this is resolved in some way she will be able to cope better for a time, but I know at some point all these issues are still going to need addressing.
Thanks for any answers you can give. The help is much appreciated. I’m sure I’ll think of more stuff to ask!
Mary
