Hi everyone,
I have previously posted about looking after my FIL who has Vascular dementia. His dementia seems to effect him with his mobility (he walks with a limp and can be very unbalanced). He has became doubly incontinenent at times and even when he does know when to go he doesn't know how to clean himself properly.
He has a pretty good short term memory considering, but wouldn't know how to cook, wash and clean for himself. He would live on biscuits and not wash or change his clothes.
It is myself and my fiancé (his son) who live and care for him. We have a 2 year old and another baby due this summer. We currently have a wet room, fall alarms, a carer twice a day (45 mins then 10 mins) and day care one morning a week (we have to provide transport). It is a battle everyday to get him to use a walking stick or fall alarm etc. We also run a busy dairy farm too so often I'm on my own with FIL and toddler.
Social work have been pushing for a care home as they feel he needs 24 hour care and its too much for our family.
It has been a constant battle with my OHs 3 sisters. 2 have agreed to take him occasionally. 1 offers 1 weekend a month (Thursday night to Saturday afternoon). Another offers once/twice a week 12pm to 8pm (again we need to provide transport home as she has a toddler too) but OH unwilling to take this offer as she's refusing vaccine and he doesn't want to risk mine and babies health with vaccines and testing.
The other has walked away from her dad completely.
Iam now under pressure with everything as social work want him in respite for 2 weeks, then to 4 weeks if he settles, with the look of permanent care if all goes well. This would be around the time of birth. I also have the added complication of my consultant not being happy with my caring role (higher risk pregnancy) and has written to social work how she wants 6 weeks covered around my birth.
I guess the gist of it is I feel so guiily and overwhelmed with the whole situation. I know my FIL doesn't want to be in a care home but at the same time we don't have a life either. We have only had a day as a small family once in over a year because of covid and work commitments. I feel the family will forever resent me for their dad being put in a home. They have stated many times " a care home would kill him".
I don't want him in a care home but I want our life back too.
Is anyone been or have been in this kind of situation, particularly when it's not even your own parent. Feel so stressed and im worried how it will effect our unborn child .
I have previously posted about looking after my FIL who has Vascular dementia. His dementia seems to effect him with his mobility (he walks with a limp and can be very unbalanced). He has became doubly incontinenent at times and even when he does know when to go he doesn't know how to clean himself properly.
He has a pretty good short term memory considering, but wouldn't know how to cook, wash and clean for himself. He would live on biscuits and not wash or change his clothes.
It is myself and my fiancé (his son) who live and care for him. We have a 2 year old and another baby due this summer. We currently have a wet room, fall alarms, a carer twice a day (45 mins then 10 mins) and day care one morning a week (we have to provide transport). It is a battle everyday to get him to use a walking stick or fall alarm etc. We also run a busy dairy farm too so often I'm on my own with FIL and toddler.
Social work have been pushing for a care home as they feel he needs 24 hour care and its too much for our family.
It has been a constant battle with my OHs 3 sisters. 2 have agreed to take him occasionally. 1 offers 1 weekend a month (Thursday night to Saturday afternoon). Another offers once/twice a week 12pm to 8pm (again we need to provide transport home as she has a toddler too) but OH unwilling to take this offer as she's refusing vaccine and he doesn't want to risk mine and babies health with vaccines and testing.
The other has walked away from her dad completely.
Iam now under pressure with everything as social work want him in respite for 2 weeks, then to 4 weeks if he settles, with the look of permanent care if all goes well. This would be around the time of birth. I also have the added complication of my consultant not being happy with my caring role (higher risk pregnancy) and has written to social work how she wants 6 weeks covered around my birth.
I guess the gist of it is I feel so guiily and overwhelmed with the whole situation. I know my FIL doesn't want to be in a care home but at the same time we don't have a life either. We have only had a day as a small family once in over a year because of covid and work commitments. I feel the family will forever resent me for their dad being put in a home. They have stated many times " a care home would kill him".
I don't want him in a care home but I want our life back too.
Is anyone been or have been in this kind of situation, particularly when it's not even your own parent. Feel so stressed and im worried how it will effect our unborn child .