lost without him now on my own

[carper8]

hi

not sure if i am in the right place but wantedto say my husband died 26.12.16 and
i am totally lost looking for any advice.

i do read this forum every day and it gives me iome comfort

 

[Izzy]

Hello carper8. I'm so sorry to hear about your husband.

I'm glad you have posted about how you feel. I lost my husband at the end of July and I have found the support on this forum invaluable. It's very early days for you just now. You need time to grieve and I know from my own experience that this is a very up and down emotion. Some days are better than others. I wondered if you would find this factsheet helpful at all -

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/factsheet/507

There is also a thread on this form called "Widows and Widowers Weekly Update". When you're ready you might want to join us there -

https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/sho...1367367&highlight=Widows+Widowers#post1367367

You need to take things at your own pace.

Thinking of you. x

 

[jaymor]

So sorry to hear of your loss carper, please accept my condolences.

You say you are looking for advice. Could you let us know what you would like help with so that we can help you. These first few weeks are very difficult to deal with.

 

[Jinx]

Carper8, I'm very sorry for your loss too. It's very early days for you, you're bound to be feeling very lost. My husband died last March, in some ways it's getting easier but I still miss him in so many ways. One of the things I did, and others here have done the same, was to go through photos of happier times pre 'D', it helped to re-establish nicer memories and push the more recent ones more to the back of my mind. I still work and found that was a good distraction. I hope you have friends and family supporting you but keep coming here it's a wonderful network. xx


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point

 

[Cat27]

I'm so sorry. My thoughts are with you.

 

[disi]

My thoughts are also with you.

 

[LadyA]

So sorry to hear of your loss, Carper8. I lost my husband 17 months ago - I can hardly believe it's been that long. In many ways, it does get better, and the rawness of early grief does lessen. But there is always that absence felt. And there is always that feeling of being slightly alone, even in a crowd - even with extended family members. Your loss is still very recent, and you are still probably feeling the exhaustion of the newly bereaved. Just go with it.Take naps. I remember there were days in the months after my husband died, when I would find hours had passed, and I had done nothing - literally! I had just been sitting looking into space! It's all part of healing.
But also, I would say, look for - and do for yourself - little things to cheer you. Signs of Spring, or an occasional bunch of flowers, or even a tiny pot of mini daffodils. This is a time for being very very kind and caring of yourself. xx

 

[carper8]

thankyou all for replying, i just feel lost, not knowing what to do next. my huisband had dementia for 10 years and i cared for him at home all that while until end sept.
after infection ,after infection and loads of antibiotics he collapsed and went into hospital
They couldnt get rid of all the infections and sepsis set in and he died in an hospice after spending 19 days there. After caring for him for so long i feel it seems to be so hard without him, i have found this site so good for me because at least as feel as if i am not on my own

 

[Grannie G]

Hllo carper

I lost my husband three years ago .

Losing a partner is hard enough but losing them when you have cared intimately for them for years , when your life has been lived around caring , leaves an even deeper hole because the care has been so time consuming.

I found myself drifting for a long time. I became quite anti social. I didn`t want the questions, platitudes and cliches I expected.

I have now managed to organise something to do most days but it has been trial and error. Some things have worked, others haven`t.

I still only want to discuss my husband with people I trust and this is where TP has been a godsend.

Please give yourself as much time as you need to adjust and to grieve. You can`t possibly know what to do with yourself yet but slowly and surely it will come. Don`t push yourself too hard.

 

[carper8]

I lost my husband three years ago .

Losing a partner is hard enough but losing them when you have cared intimately for them for years , when your life has been lived around caring , leaves an even deeper hole because the care has been so time consuming.

I found myself drifting for a long time. I became quite anti social. I didn`t want the questions, platitudes and cliches I expected.

I have now managed to organise something to do most days but it has been trial and error. Some things have worked, others haven`t.

I still only want to discuss my husband with people I trust and this is where TP has been a godsend.

Please give yourself as much time as you need to adjust and to grieve. You can`t possibly know what to do with yourself yet but slowly and surely it will come. Don`t push yourself too hard.

thankyou for your kind words Grannie G

 

[Loopiloo]

Carper8, my sympathy to you on the loss of your husband. It is incredibly hard those early weeks, and I can only echo what most of those who have written have said. Like several of them the death of my husband was recent. 7 months ago. It often feels like only weeks ago.

The fact that he spent the last 5 years of about 15 years with dementia in a care home did not make it one bit easier when he died. Some people seemed to think that it would, but the opposite. Over those years my life had come to totally revolve around him.

Some things do ease, to some extent, the dreadful raw pain of loss. But as Izzy said the grieving is a very up and down emotion. You do need to take things at our own pace.

Do not be a stranger here on TP, there are many of us here who understand and the caring support is indeed invaluable. I do not know how I would have got through the last near 7 years without TP and the wonderful support, caring and friendship.

Come here at any time and write what you wish, you need not feel alone. Although we each have to cope with the deeply personal loss and aloneness in our individual ways, it is a tremendous help to be able to ‘talk’ with those who do truly understand. Not only the loss death of a husband or wife brings but also the losses dementia so cruelly inflicts on both the sufferer and the carer.

You might think about starting a thread of your own? Whatever, remember we are all here…

Loo xxx

 

[carper8]

Carper8, my sympathy to you on the loss of your husband. It is incredibly hard those early weeks, and I can only echo what most of those who have written have said. Like several of them the death of my husband was recent. 7 months ago. It often feels like only weeks ago.

The fact that he spent the last 5 years of about 15 years with dementia in a care home did not make it one bit easier when he died. Some people seemed to think that it would, but the opposite. Over those years my life had come to totally revolve around him.

Some things do ease, to some extent, the dreadful raw pain of loss. But as Izzy said the grieving is a very up and down emotion. You do need to take things at our own pace.

Do not be a stranger here on TP, there are many of us here who understand and the caring support is indeed invaluable. I do not know how I would have got through the last near 7 years without TP and the wonderful support, caring and friendship.

Come here at any time and write what you wish, you need not feel alone. Although we each have to cope with the deeply personal loss and aloneness in our individual ways, it is a tremendous help to be able to ‘talk’ with those who do truly understand. Not only the loss death of a husband or wife brings but also the losses dementia so cruelly inflicts on both the sufferer and the carer.

You might think about starting a thread of your own? Whatever, remember we are all here…

Loo xxx

thankyou loopiloo for your kind words, it is just good to read other peoples advice and it makes me feel i am not on this journey on my own, i am with people that truly understand

 

[Izzy]

thankyou loopiloo for your kind words, it is just good to read other peoples advice and it makes me feel i am not on this journey on my own, i am with people that truly understand

You're certainly not alone here carper. I'm glad you're finding the forum helpful.