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lost the battle


Registered User
Feb 6, 2004
I have not been on the site for ages and my daughter, Vikki, has already put a post on with our sad news. Jim lost his battle with alzheimers on July 3rd, aged 59. We never expected him to die so soon as Vikki has already said we had just fought to get him in a wonderful home and with funding in place too. We thought the home was excellent, for Jim, I feel he had been taken from the last place he had any familiarity with, his home, but we could no longer give him the care he needed without help. His death was very traumatic and tragically early and left the whole family stunned. Now 2months on I am trying to pick up the pieces and to start to build a new life, although after 5years of living with caring for Jim I feel as though my whole reason and focus for life has gone and I feel far to young to be a widow.
I have not returned to work yet as I don't feel ready yet to cope with the stress of teaching or facing an imminent OFSTED inspection but I will soon as I have to continue to work. For the moment I take each day as it comes, I am making Christmas cards which will be sold in aid of alz. research, I will continue to raise funds and be involved in trying to make people aware that this is a very cruel and in my case terminal illness which strikes young people not just the elderly.
I do have many regrets and feelings of guilt over the past 5years but we none of us know how we will cope when faced with tragic situations and I cannot have Jim back to change anything so life just has to go on somehow. We are a very close family and alzheimers made us closer, so for now my daughters and son in laws are getting me through this time along with my lovely friends. I know the sun will shine again one day but for now life seems dull and minus the spakle Jim had as a well man.
Thanks for all support I received from you all during my time of caring which although hard ended too soon. Carole

Nutty Nan

Registered User
Nov 2, 2003
Dear Carole,
So sorry to read your sad news. I am sending you a big hug.
Take care of yourself: one little step at the time, until you feel strong enough to raise your head and look a bit further ahead. Lean on your family, you all need each other for strength.
Best wishes, Carmen


Registered User
May 20, 2004
Dear Carole

We are all thinking of you. It is so hard to bear first the AD and then the loss. Its almost like being bereaved twice.

His suffering is over but he is still with you - he will always be part of you - keep him close in your heart.

Be strong



Registered User
Oct 23, 2003
West Sussex
Dear Carole, so very sorry to hear of Jim's passing. Thinking of you and your family at this very sad time. Love, She. XX


Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
near London
Hi Carole

as with the others have replied, my feelings are with you.

I have this thing inside me that says you are wrong in saying you "lost the battle". You can only lose a battle you had some chance of winning, and with Alzheimer's, there is no winning in the normal sense.

However, if you regard a battle as a series of skirmishes - or challenges - then, in doing your very best for Jim, you won. Every time something surfaced that needed to be addressed in his interests, every time you sorted those things out, you won. Every time you were able to feel that he was as comfortable as he could be, you won. Every time he slept through the night, you won. Every time he ate a meal, you won.

And when you won, he won.

You say "I feel as though my whole reason and focus for life has gone and I feel far to young to be a widow."

The process of caring for someone is so all-consuming that when it stops, there is bound to be a huge hole. That's normal, and in learning to come to terms with that, you will start to see some cracks of light, and you will begin to build a new life. That doesn't mean there won't be pain in your memories, or that you will forget Jim, but you are correct, you ARE too young to be a widow. Just take each day as it comes. Things will turn up, but not immediately. You need time.

Very best wishes.


Registered User
Oct 23, 2003
West Sussex
Brucie, you are SOOOOOOOO right, Carole, he has a lovely way with words doesn't he? Can I just say, yes, I second that, love, She. XX

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