1. Our next Q&A session is on the topic of Christmas and dementia.This time we want our Q&A to involve our resident experts, you! Share tips and advice on navigating Christmas here in this thread.

    Pop by and post your questions or if you prefer you can email your question to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.
  1. hw00001

    hw00001 Registered User

    Oct 7, 2006
    15
    Guildford
    i lost my gran in early nov this year....i am a mess and i dont no wat to do with myself for some reason i want to cry but i am not letting myself...wat is wrong with me. im fed up im at uni (still a fresher!) and im studying to be a nurse and im on placement in jan and im so so scared that if i see a patient with dementia im just gonna burst into tears...i mean it was my b'day yesterday and i was just feelin so low that i was not gonna get a phone call from her and xmas is gonna be hard. i just wish i was with my mates from home....i dont no how i can help myself....i mean i should....but im just stuck....im going to lectures and sleepin at the mo and thats it

    :confused: :(
     
  2. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    hello han

    well done for getting to lectures and managing to get some sleep! perhaps the best you can expect of yourself just now. it's really hard losing someone, and a huge step to go away from your mates to go to uni ........... to have to do both in the same term is really difficult ...... and then there's another big change coming up if you're off on placement in january.

    be kind to yourself and allow yourself some space. it's nearly the end of term and I guess you'll be pretty exhausted if it's your first term. it might be worth having a chat with your tutor/s and explaining a bit of what's going on ...... just so they know you're struggling. it might feel a bit easier when you've been home for Xmas (I assume that's what you'll be doing ....... forgive me if i'm wrong).

    best wishes
    Áine
     
  3. hw00001

    hw00001 Registered User

    Oct 7, 2006
    15
    Guildford
    iv got peeps at uni who i can talk to about but i think they think that i have got over it and i dont wanna moan to much as well we still dont no each other that well. i feel daft cause i feel like i kindda got to be strong for everyone else...im home every now and again, my aunts off work with stress, one of my aunts has 2 kids and my dad is just not showing hes upset but i no he is. i mean my gran was a really special person tho i no she never knew i was at uni and it upsets me that she will never be at my graduation...this christmas is going to be so hard. she was a really special women and i find it so hard not having her to be able to call and i dont know...i feel as a nurse (even tho im only traning) i should no better and be looking after myself better....i dont no why i cant let go i just cant im not ready yet....i mean i no iv become a bit of a bitch to live with as i think im snapin at peeps and i cant help it....im so so so so so so so so so so so so so sorry to moan

    han
     
  4. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,438
    Have you thought about contacting your University's counselling center? I know a lot of young people feel that they should be able to manage everything that life throws at them, (I've got 2 myself) but it can be very, very helpful to talk to someone who has had experience in this area. One of the things I have learnt as I have got older is that it's not an admission of weakness to seek out help; rather it's a sign of strength and maturity. It is very early days in the grieving process to even start to think about "getting over it", but making use of the services that the univerisity provides is a good first step.

    Jennifer
     
  5. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    Hi Han

    It's such early days with this love. You don't say what date your nan died, but it's 5 weeks max! Of course you're not over it, of course you're snapping at people. It takes a long time to grieve someone so important to you, even if the rest of your life is settled. Going to uni is another major event on top of it, and it's not at all surprising you're struggling. Give yourself time.

    Please remember that nurses are only human :cool: A qualification in nursing is just that ..... a qualification in nursing ........... it's not a degree in being superhuman. Try thinking about what you might say to one of your patients. I'm sure you wouldn't expect so much of them as you are doing of yourself. If it's good enough for your patients, it's good enough for you.

    love
    Áine
     
  6. hw00001

    hw00001 Registered User

    Oct 7, 2006
    15
    Guildford
    thank you for your replies they mean so much atm,
     
  7. alex

    alex Registered User

    Apr 10, 2006
    1,665
    Hi Han

    Your not moaning, in coming to tp your taking a step forward in asking for help and support!

    Its no wonder you'r feeling low.........your birthday yesterday was the stepping stone in the grieving process.........getting past the 1st events (birthdays, anniversary) is always gonna be tough.

    I'm six months down the line and i still feel the same as you..........i can't sleep, so i'm tired all the time, that makes me snappy with everyone..........i have no patience at all and thats not like me.............i can't concentrate on anything, especially work!.............its all normal honey......... sometimes you'll feel low because you think people don't understand how your feeling, thats why tp is a good place to come for support, most people here have lost someone special to them, whether its through AD or not, it hurts just the same...........but they do understand how you feel!...............and yes xmas is looming.........many here will be struggling, i'm dreading it too, but we will get through it.........we help each other to get through it, so keep visiting tp, you've got friends who will be here when you need to talk.

    Happy Birthday for yesterday.

    Love Alex x
     
  8. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    I am sorry about your gran.

    Hope you can have a good weep from time to time.

    And hope you'll have the strength to get on with your course.

    (I found when I was working in a hospital or doing voluntary work, I temporarily forgot home/family troubles, developed an "on duty" self quite different from the "off duty" one, but then I think you sometimes need to have a good cry when you get home.)
     
  9. hw00001

    hw00001 Registered User

    Oct 7, 2006
    15
    Guildford
    i really can not belive were im being placed for the 2nd half of my placement :( they are putting me in a nursing home :( :( :( :( in this home they have some beds for plp with dementia and they also deal with paltive care (care of the dying!).....and i dont know if im going to be able to be profesional and keep it together. my gran was in a nursing home when she died and i no this is gonna be so so so hard for me....i knew i had to face this at somepoint but this is to soon.
     
  10. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    hi han ....... hope the first part of your placement is in somewhere that you'll enjoy better. Sometimes I guess it's just part of being professional to grit your teeth and get on with it. Other times though I firmly believe that it's equally (if not more) professional to come clean and say "I just can't do this right now". I think it's reasonable to argue that it's too soon. Have you talked to your tutor about it? maybe you can do nursing home placement later on in your course when you're feeling more up to it.

    Quite a bit of my work is with people who've been bereaved. When my dad died in July this year I took nearly 6 weeks off work because I just couldn't help other people who had been bereaved when i was struggling with my own stuff. I think it's good practice to acknowledge our limitations.

    You might feel differently by the time the placement comes around ...... but I think it's worth flagging the issue up with your tutor as soon as possible anyway.

    hugs
    Áine
     
  11. sarah018

    sarah018 Registered User

    Dec 12, 2006
    11
    Leeds
    Hi. i lost my gran 2 weeks ago. it still hasnt really hit me properly yet, and i feel really wiered cos it has hit everyone else in my family and they have been upset and i havent really. We knew it was going to happen because she was in hospital so im not sure if thats why but i just feel awful like its an insult to her memory or something. :confused:
    sarah
     
  12. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Sarah,
    We all react differently to bereavement - it may be that you had prepared yourself well for the death, it maybe that at a future time some comment, sight, sound will just strike a chord in you and you will begin to grieve. It is not an insult to her memory - you know the feelings that you had for your gran. Gran would not want you to be feeling guilty or feeling awful - she is free now and at peace, and she would want you to be peaceful as well.
    Love,
    Helen
     

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