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Lost my beautiful mom

Lily10

New member
Jan 9, 2020
5
My mom had been in a care home for almost a year. I looked after her and worked full time for many years before that.
I visited the home 5 or 6 times a week and my brother went once a week.
Mom knew me and my son but was increasingly challenging to me and care staff, but sometimes funny too. She was well loved.
I hadn't seen mom since 13th march with the lockdown. I called the home every day to see how she was but it wasnt the same as seeing her, hugging her and telling her I love her.
She was admitted to hospital with a bowel obstruction and covid in early April. I was not able to see her in hospital. She came out 2 weeks later having tested negative for the virus.
She refused food and drinks and apparently stopped speaking.
She fell asleep last Wednesday morning.
I was allowed to see her Tuesday night for an hour or so at the home. She gripped my hand at first and looked straight at me. She then started pushing my hand away. I told her how much I love her and that I would never have abandoned her at her time of need if it wasnt for this lockdown. She was barely 5 stone and it was shocking to see her like that. My heart is broken. She passed early on Wednesday morning after I had seen her the night before.
The funeral is 4th june and we are limited to 10 people.
I miss her so much. She has been my life for so long.
I'm going on like life continues but I'm totally broken and ache inside with the pain.
Sorry it's a long post- but I'm sure others are in a similar situation
Thank you for listening x x
 

Amelie5a

Registered User
Nov 5, 2014
121
Scotland
So sorry to read of your loss and pain - losing someone is terrible during normal times, but so much worse right now. Not having been able to see your Mum until the end, not able to celebrate her life in the way you'd have liked...it just makes the grief even harder.

Thinking of you....
 

Delilah63

Registered User
Jan 4, 2018
49
My mom had been in a care home for almost a year. I looked after her and worked full time for many years before that.
I visited the home 5 or 6 times a week and my brother went once a week.
Mom knew me and my son but was increasingly challenging to me and care staff, but sometimes funny too. She was well loved.
I hadn't seen mom since 13th march with the lockdown. I called the home every day to see how she was but it wasnt the same as seeing her, hugging her and telling her I love her.
She was admitted to hospital with a bowel obstruction and covid in early April. I was not able to see her in hospital. She came out 2 weeks later having tested negative for the virus.
She refused food and drinks and apparently stopped speaking.
She fell asleep last Wednesday morning.
I was allowed to see her Tuesday night for an hour or so at the home. She gripped my hand at first and looked straight at me. She then started pushing my hand away. I told her how much I love her and that I would never have abandoned her at her time of need if it wasnt for this lockdown. She was barely 5 stone and it was shocking to see her like that. My heart is broken. She passed early on Wednesday morning after I had seen her the night before.
The funeral is 4th june and we are limited to 10 people.
I miss her so much. She has been my life for so long.
I'm going on like life continues but I'm totally broken and ache inside with the pain.
Sorry it's a long post- but I'm sure others are in a similar situation
Thank you for listening x x
So sorry for your loss, there arent proper words, but wanted to let you know you are heard. Be kind to yourself. X
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
798
Hi @Lily10, please accept my sincere condolences. I can understand your pain, it must have been devastating not being able to see Mum in her last weeks when visiting her pretty much every day for a year and looking after her before she went in the care home. It is very painful to witness what you did and more of a shock if you haven't seen Mum for a while.

What I can say is that you clearly cared deeply for your Mum and not being able to see her was a sacrifice that you were forced to make - not one that you would ever choose. Not easy, but think of all the times that you did spend with Mum supporting her, she would have valued that so much. I can appreciate the funeral might not be as you would wish - you can always hold a memorial for Mum when the lock-down is lifted, if that is what you want. I wish you all the best, stay strong and be kind to yourself.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,273
Essex
My mom had been in a care home for almost a year. I looked after her and worked full time for many years before that.
I visited the home 5 or 6 times a week and my brother went once a week.
Mom knew me and my son but was increasingly challenging to me and care staff, but sometimes funny too. She was well loved.
I hadn't seen mom since 13th march with the lockdown. I called the home every day to see how she was but it wasnt the same as seeing her, hugging her and telling her I love her.
She was admitted to hospital with a bowel obstruction and covid in early April. I was not able to see her in hospital. She came out 2 weeks later having tested negative for the virus.
She refused food and drinks and apparently stopped speaking.
She fell asleep last Wednesday morning.
I was allowed to see her Tuesday night for an hour or so at the home. She gripped my hand at first and looked straight at me. She then started pushing my hand away. I told her how much I love her and that I would never have abandoned her at her time of need if it wasnt for this lockdown. She was barely 5 stone and it was shocking to see her like that. My heart is broken. She passed early on Wednesday morning after I had seen her the night before.
The funeral is 4th june and we are limited to 10 people.
I miss her so much. She has been my life for so long.
I'm going on like life continues but I'm totally broken and ache inside with the pain.
Sorry it's a long post- but I'm sure others are in a similar situation
Thank you for listening x x
Dear Lily,

I'm sorry to hear about your mum but you must remember you never abandoned her. You and your brother did all you could and she would have been very proud.

Hugs from

MaNaAk
 

LynneMcV

Registered User
May 9, 2012
3,976
south-east London
I am sorry for your loss @Lily10 - a difficult time which has been made even worse for you and others by the necessary restrictions currently in place. You did your very best for your mom and that can't be taken away from you - in time you will be able to draw comfort from that. I wish you peace and strength going forward.
 

Jale

Registered User
Jul 9, 2018
467
So sorry for your loss of your Mum, be kind to yourself and take care
 

Lily10

New member
Jan 9, 2020
5
Thank you all for taking the time to read my post x

I hope it helps others in a similar situation too.

Thank you for all your kind words and support - it means a lot.
X x x x x
 

pixie2

Registered User
Jul 21, 2018
88
My mom had been in a care home for almost a year. I looked after her and worked full time for many years before that.
I visited the home 5 or 6 times a week and my brother went once a week.
Mom knew me and my son but was increasingly challenging to me and care staff, but sometimes funny too. She was well loved.
I hadn't seen mom since 13th march with the lockdown. I called the home every day to see how she was but it wasnt the same as seeing her, hugging her and telling her I love her.
She was admitted to hospital with a bowel obstruction and covid in early April. I was not able to see her in hospital. She came out 2 weeks later having tested negative for the virus.
She refused food and drinks and apparently stopped speaking.
She fell asleep last Wednesday morning.
I was allowed to see her Tuesday night for an hour or so at the home. She gripped my hand at first and looked straight at me. She then started pushing my hand away. I told her how much I love her and that I would never have abandoned her at her time of need if it wasnt for this lockdown. She was barely 5 stone and it was shocking to see her like that. My heart is broken. She passed early on Wednesday morning after I had seen her the night before.
The funeral is 4th june and we are limited to 10 people.
I miss her so much. She has been my life for so long.
I'm going on like life continues but I'm totally broken and ache inside with the pain.
Sorry it's a long post- but I'm sure others are in a similar situation
Thank you for listening x x
Hi
My situation was almost Exactly the same in April. It really is a cliche but if you can say goodbye at funeral parlour just you and your mum it helped me. We had 12 at funeral and nobody said anything, they even allowed me to sit holding someones hand, just ask