1. Q&A: Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA) - Thursday 27 Sept, 3-4pm

    Power of attorney (LPA) is a legal tool that gives another adult - often a carer or family member - the legal authority to make decisions on behalf of someone with dementia, if they become unable to themselves.

    Our next expert Q&A will be hosted by Flora and Helen from our Knowledge Services team. They will be answering your questions on LPA on Thursday 27 September from 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Lost mum

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by nanny1, Apr 15, 2018.

  1. nanny1

    nanny1 Registered User

    Mar 7, 2012
    4
    Female
    Upminster, Essex
    Please can anyone help me this is my first thread to the forum. I cared for my mum for 7 years she had vascular dementia. She became a bedridden lady within one year of diagnosis. All the care was bed care on a profiling bed in the lounge. I did most of the personal care myself with some help from carers.my mum passed away on 17th March at home after suffering a stroke. I feel so lost without her she was my purpose to get up in the morning. The house seems so empty. Towards the end my mum was unable to feed or drink herself and her speech had gone, she slept most of the time. I just feel so sad and empty. Her funeral was so difficult for me.
     
  2. Carmar

    Carmar Registered User

    Feb 2, 2016
    1,123
    Female
    Hampshire
    Hello @nanny1 and welcome to Talking Point. I am so sorry that such a sad event has brought you to our community but I am sure you will find much comfort here from others who have been through the same. Your Mum was so very fortunate to have had you to look after her for so long and so well. I know others will be along to help you when they see your post.
     
  3. Jojo4444

    Jojo4444 Registered User

    Oct 27, 2017
    37
    Dear @nanny1

    Please accept my condolences for your loss. Your mum would be proud of the care you gave her. You must take comfort in the knowledge that you looked after her until the end. Take time to grieve for your mum and hopefully in time your days will be brighter. Sending you love.
     
  4. Norfolk Cherry

    Norfolk Cherry Registered User

    Feb 17, 2018
    217
    Female
    #4 Norfolk Cherry, Apr 15, 2018
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2018
    I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. How very sad. You need not feel alone now you have found all of us here. You have looked after your mum and shown your love to the very end. She could want for no more. It sounds as if this has left a huge hole in your life, more so because you were unable to live a life of your own. We are all here for you, there are many others who have had this experience and I'm sure they will be able to relate to you and help. Take care, and if you can, think about getting some help through bereavement counselling. I wish I'd persuaded my own mum to do this after my dad died, as it took a huge toll on her which may have been alleviated with the right help. Take care, and keep strong through these dark days.
     
  5. nanny1

    nanny1 Registered User

    Mar 7, 2012
    4
    Female
    Upminster, Essex
    Thank you so much
    Nanny 1
     
  6. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    3,502
    Kent
    Am so sorry for your loss of much loved mum. Take comfort that you were able to take care of her til the very end and this was a huge benefit and comfort for her. It is natural that there is a big gap in your life...I felt it after mum died suddenly then dad with dementia....it takes a while to even try to adjust because every waking moment has been intense thinking about our loved one's care and needs. Try and think of doing one thing each day just for you...not dieting or paperwork...a walk in the sunshine...treating yourself to a coffee and cake....pass the time of day with someone when you go shopping just an hello so you begin to feel you are part of the outside world....sending you best wishes...it will be hard at first
     
  7. nanny1

    nanny1 Registered User

    Mar 7, 2012
    4
    Female
    Upminster, Essex
    Thank so much for your kind words and helping me understand the feelings I am having. I will take your advice and each day do something for myself that has been a long time.thank you.
     
  8. nanny1

    nanny1 Registered User

    Mar 7, 2012
    4
    Female
    Upminster, Essex
    Thank you for your kind words.
     
  9. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    3,502
    Kent
    :D my predictive text changed 'sorting to dieting' quite bizarre but hopefully it gave you a chuckle!
     
  10. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    57,047
    Female
    Dundee
    @nanny1 I'm so sorry I missed your post on Sunday.

    Welcome to Talking Point. It's sad that you have needed the forum but I'm so glad you found it. Good advice from others here. Small steps with ups and downs along the way but I hope being part of this community will help you.

    Sending my condolences.
     

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