My mum passed away in 2007 we knew she had dementia but were shocked by the death certificate naming AD. My dad had been in a home for 3 years with dementia,he was 83 and passed away 8th january this year. His death certificate also had AD on it.The home he was in was excellent and cared for him throughout. We did not want him to pass away in hospital and they accomodated our every wish they deserve medals! I now feel like an orphan this may sound silly, also i am struggling to come to terms with it as i am living in my parents house(i moved in to care for them 6 years ago) On top of the guilt and grief i feel, the house is to be sold as probate is needed.
Lost both parents now to AD
- Thread starter marion59
- Start date
So sorry you have lost both your parents to AD. It is so difficult to lose your parents, and I think it is quite normal to feel the second death more due to this fact of now being "on your own". It must be particularly difficult for you to live in your parents house. My mother lived with me the last 15 months of her life, and I have memories of her everywhere. She only died last September so it is still quite raw. It sounds like you have brothers or sisters as you need to sell the house. Could you not come to some arrangements with them, or do you think it would be easier to move on eventually if you had a fresh start elsewhere.
Are you supporting each other in your grief They would doubtless be feeling like you. I hope probate is not too hard for you it is so lengthy and costly which I have unfortunately found out the hard way. Please look after yourself.
Are you supporting each other in your grief They would doubtless be feeling like you. I hope probate is not too hard for you it is so lengthy and costly which I have unfortunately found out the hard way. Please look after yourself.
Sorry to hear your sad news, Marion, but it was good to hear that the home your dad was in looked after him so well.
You're right...you are an orphan and it's not silly! My second parent died last September and I felt immediately like an orphan - and still do. The people who have known and loved you the longest have gone...it's a sad and desolate feeling. I don't know what the way through it is... if I ever find out I'll post it here! I hope you have family and friends to support you.
At least on this website you know you are not alone and that others know how you feel.
Very best wishes to you
Snip x
You're right...you are an orphan and it's not silly! My second parent died last September and I felt immediately like an orphan - and still do. The people who have known and loved you the longest have gone...it's a sad and desolate feeling. I don't know what the way through it is... if I ever find out I'll post it here! I hope you have family and friends to support you.
At least on this website you know you are not alone and that others know how you feel.
Very best wishes to you
Snip x
I too can second that feeling, and with no siblings things seem very "end of the line". Of course Im not lonely, i have a wondeful family and good friends. But my history is gone now, with only me to remember it, and i cant make any more history with mum and dad. Never the less, life goes on. My dad died 5th January, and I too am going through probate, with the added complication of dealing with an insurance company, as Dads house had a burst pipe a year ago and its STILL not sorted. Like Barb I dont know how to pay all these bills which are left such as the funeral, and solicitor etc, and it can all seem rather overwhelming.
I'll tell you what helps me- it may sound silly to everyone else, but it works for me- I imagine mum and dad still watching over me ( i know Im a grown woman of 41 but this is how I think) and they have a plan for me. If they can they will help me, and nothing will happen that Im not strong enough to handle. When the hard stuff happens its for a reason, its thier way of turning things onto the right path for me, a sort of supernatural/heavenly/celestial sat nav if you like. I always think they are keeping me safe and watching. Its still very early for us Marion. In time we will feel less lost. xxx
I'll tell you what helps me- it may sound silly to everyone else, but it works for me- I imagine mum and dad still watching over me ( i know Im a grown woman of 41 but this is how I think) and they have a plan for me. If they can they will help me, and nothing will happen that Im not strong enough to handle. When the hard stuff happens its for a reason, its thier way of turning things onto the right path for me, a sort of supernatural/heavenly/celestial sat nav if you like. I always think they are keeping me safe and watching. Its still very early for us Marion. In time we will feel less lost. xxx
Thanks for the support
Thank you for all your support,and yes winnie i think the house being sold for probate may be a good thing as me and my son will have a fresh start, also my parents house at the moment has only the memories of me caring for them with their dementia, its hard trying to think of the good memories although there were many happy times.I have 2 sisters and they have been supportive at this time. I have 2 part time jobs and at 51 would love to buy a home for myself but i doubt i would get a mortgage. I have applied for council homes etc but am not classed as high priority yet, only be considered when house goes up for sale. I will keep trying and i know my mum and dad would want me to be happy and settled.
Thank you for all your support,and yes winnie i think the house being sold for probate may be a good thing as me and my son will have a fresh start, also my parents house at the moment has only the memories of me caring for them with their dementia, its hard trying to think of the good memories although there were many happy times.I have 2 sisters and they have been supportive at this time. I have 2 part time jobs and at 51 would love to buy a home for myself but i doubt i would get a mortgage. I have applied for council homes etc but am not classed as high priority yet, only be considered when house goes up for sale. I will keep trying and i know my mum and dad would want me to be happy and settled.
Exactly you feel like an orphan when your parents die, and also you realise you are in the firing line so to speak.
As time goes by I think we will remember the good times and laughs you had with your parents and remember them as people not as people with dementia.
As time goes by I think we will remember the good times and laughs you had with your parents and remember them as people not as people with dementia.
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