Loss

[Gill 1]

My mum passed away 3 weeks today. Although it feels longer. After 10 years of living with Alzheimer’s. The last 4 years in a residential setting, where she was cared for fantastically right up until her final moments.

a lot happened directly after mums passing. My sons 30th birthday , then her funeral and I went on a already booked holiday 2 days after the funeral with my husband. This was the first holiday for many years were I’ve not had to ring to see if mum was ok.

I’m now home , I feel lost as my normal as now changed, I would spend some part of Friday to Sunday visiting mum, assisting her with eating etc

I have a wonderful family and grandchildren who I adore spending time with .

I have been back to the home I feel comfort from going there I don’t know how I should be feeling. I will find a new normal I’m sure .
Has anyone else felt like this ??
Gill xx

 

[Cat27]

I did after Dad died. I know it sounds cliched but I just took baby steps in finding a new normal! I wish you strength.

 

[myss]

Hi @Gill 1 My Dad passed away 5 weeks ago and I can empathise greatly with your post. Dad was cared for at home and thankfully there were a few of his family caring for him - my day was mostly Fridays and, like you say, I feel in a bit of limbo as I still go to his house and just look around his room, or his chair, or around where we stored his incontinence pads and other bits, etc. I also did my laundry while I was there so I no doubt that my Friday will incorporate going round to his house for the future.

We had a bit of a delay with sorting out his funeral due to the coroner wanting an inquest, so the Fridays have mostly been used to sort out the funeral which will finally take place next week. But after that, I'm not sure how normal will represent itself in my routine. All the best to you x.

 

[CWR]

Yes, I am 3 months on, and still feel in limbo, one part of my life over, the rest not yet begun. It can be hard to give up the caring role, it becomes part of who you are.It all takes time, to use the old but true, cliche.

 

[Pete1]

I feel lost as my normal as now changed

Hi @Gill 1, so sorry to hear about your Mum - in my opinion there is no-one quite like your own Mum. She was an integral part of your life and visiting the home was part of your routine where you got to know the staff and other residents - so that feeling of being lost is to be expected - I can identify with that. It can take quite a lot of time to come to terms with that loss, and a loss from dementia can cause strange feelings as it is referred to as the long goodbye as you experience gradual loss over a period of time. I found that Bereavement Counselling really helped me (and I could never have envisaged attending that type of thing), perhaps contact your GP and see if it can be arranged through the practice. I wish you all the best, keep posting.