Dear Casbow, I have been reading your thread and I think I can understand how hard it is, and how long it takes, to get over the death of someone you have loved and cared for for so long. My husband died on March 25th 2017, two and three quarter years ago, after 7 or so years of me caring for him with with Alzheimer’s. I began to think I would never be free of sadness and not knowing what was the purpose of my life, even though it had not been the most ideal of marriages. I was taken aback at how hard his death and the absence of my need to care for him made my life feel without point. It’s taken what seems a long, long time to find a reason for still being alive. I tried so many things, counselling, groups, mindfulness, exercise, all considered helpful things but which seemed not to make any difference. I joined a community choir last January, nearly a year ago. That really helped, it is fun to sing, even if not very well, and there are no auditions, and the friends I have made through it are so healing. I’ve taken up yoga with a lovely, gentle teacher, and another company of understanding people, many with their own problems. I’ve been volunteering in our local community shop meeting different people and slowly working my way back into life. Old friends, and loving family, and walking, and making sure I go out each day, and and the passing of time, have all added together to help me make sense of things. I think the passing of time, and lots of thinking back over old times and making the effort to let go of the frustrations and sometimes anger of living and looking after someone through such difficult circumstances, are the salves and healing potions that eventually make things better. There is no way to rush it, but I do so hope that you too will find peace with the passing of time. This year I think I will find some joy in Christmas, and then the Spring. I hope that time and good friends will bring you the healing and peace you need.