1. nickyd

    nickyd Registered User

    Oct 20, 2007
    146
    warwickshire
    Well, where do I begin! 6 weeks ago tonight, my beautiful Mum passed away after 10 years of suffering from vascular dementia(horrific)she was only 68. I feel robbed, i'm only 37, I still cant accept that I cant see or hear her. Mum made it to the end stage, unable to walk, feed,doubly incontinent,swallow, but.... she still recognized us!!! Watching her die is something i just cannot get my head around, I keep having flashbacks of when she had just died, and her not breathing anymore was unreal, I kept expecting her to wake up, but she didnt... I miss her so much, it hurts. I wish I knew she was ok. I will never get over losing her, especially to this vile illness!! God Bless to you all who are going thru the same..... I feel for you all.. Nicky xxx
     
  2. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Nicky

    I'm so sorry you lost your mum. It really is a terrible disease, and to watch someone we ove suffering is so hard to bear. It's especially hard in someone so young.

    I'm sure your mum is all right. She's free of all the pain and distress she suffered, and is at peace. I truly believe that, and it will be a comfort to you if you can believe it too.

    But it's all very new for you, six weeks is no time at all, and you will grieve for many months and years to come. The ache in your heart will ease, but it will never go away.

    Try not to focus on the last days, but to remember her as she was before the illness took he away from you. Looking at photographs might help.

    But don't try to force it. If you feel like sitting crying, then that's the right thing to do. Just go with your emotions, there's no right or wrong way to grieve or any right time-scale.

    Post here whenever you like, there's almost always someone here to talk to you.

    Sending you love and hugs,
     
  3. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Nicky, so sad for one so young. Now take care of yourself and the rest of the family.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you.
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,885
    Kent
    Dear Nicky.

    I`m so sorry you have lost your mother at such a young age and can only offer sympathy.

    Please accept the support you will find on TP. There are many younger people here with young parents suffering from AD.

    If you haven`t already seen it, I hope you will be comforted by the following Thread.

    http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/TalkingPoint/Discuss/showthread.php?t=8117

    Take care.

    Love xx
     
  5. jc141265

    jc141265 Registered User

    Sep 16, 2005
    836
    Australia
    Dreams

    Oh Nicky! I can only imagine...I read your post with trepidation as I don't think its that long now before I will be going through similar emotions and like you I hope to God (despite the feeling that he hasn't done anywhere near enough for Dad over the last 10yrs) that if it is possible Dad will be happy again finally when he does pass on.
    The other night I had a dream of Dad and in it he was sitting on the couch recovering from his recent operation...as I walked by him I noticed he looked more there than usual so I paused and said, 'Gee Dad you are looking well' and he actually looked back at me, really looked at me so I leant into him with both of my hands on his knees and looked into his eyes..and then blow me away he looked staright back into them and said (he hasn't spoken in years now) 'My, haven't you gotten older!' as if he hadn't seen me, truly seen me for years. I was astounded but thrilled as you can imagine (not realising this was all just a dream). Then Dad slowly stood up, (something else he hasn't been able to do by himself for a few years now) he was a bit wobbly, but he managed to do it, then he took a few wobbly steps (he hasn't done that for a few weeks now)...
    I was worried he might fall, but my heart was pounding a 100miles an hour thrilled by what I was beholding, he walked across the room, wobbly at first but getting better and better at it and then next thing I knew he was running, and I was running alonside him (i'm getting teary just remembering)...I kept thinking what a wonderful miracle this was, and how were the doctors going to explain this, and wondering if it would last but not caring even if it didn't to have him back at least for now was all I could ever ask for. But then as he ran, something else began to happen he seemed to get younger and younger and before long we were in a field and he was kicking a rugby ball (something he used to be really into in his 20s), he was happy young and free, we were happy together, me delighting in his wellness...then I woke up.
    Waking up was painful as of course I remembered that none of it was true and Dad was still very sick and tortured by this disease, so I bawled my eyes out over breakfast. But then I began thinking...I used to say to Dad when he first stopped being able to talk, that that was ok, because I often had dreams of him and I said to him, you just come and talk to me in my dreams ok? We can still share that. And I began to hope that it wasn't just my mind being cruel to me, but that Dad had come to me in my dreams, as I have been very worried that he is going to die soon, somewhere deep inside I am hoping that he was telling me he is going to be alright, that once he passes on, he's going to be back, he's going to be that young rugby player again and he's going to be happy. Wouldn't that be marvellous?
    One day when I too eventually die, I am going to be ever so excited to see him again, we're going to catch up, he's not going to be my Dad anymore but we're going to be best of friends as I really do believe we must have been best of buddies before we ever came into this world! We have ever so much to chat about!
    For your sake, your mum's, my dad's and mine I hope my dreams are true!
    Hugs,
     
  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,885
    Kent
    I hope your dreams come true too Nat.
    Love xx
     
  7. Kayla

    Kayla Registered User

    May 14, 2006
    621
    Kent
    My Mum sometimes had hallucinations, where she thought she saw my Dad in her room and she would talk to him, but she thought he hid under the bed when the nurses came in. She also had dreams about the past with her parents and brothers and sister.
    Just before she died, she dreamt that she couldn't wake my Dad up and then just as he woke up, somebody came into her room so she couldn't talk to him.
    She said how fed up she was, with not being able to move around by herself and she wanted to be free, as she pushed the bedding away from herself.
    Mum died unexpectedly from a heart attack a couple of days later and I sometimes wonder, if perhaps she felt ready to leave the physical world behind her, with all the pain and distress caused by memory problems and enter into the world of her dreams where her loved ones could be found.
    It is just hard for those of us left behind, who only have our memories of the past to think about and yet I think about my Mum all the time and know that life just wouldn't have been the same for me, if she'd not been the person she was.
    I look at my own children and can see the impact that she has had on their lives too.
    We are going to scatter her ashes in the Church garden in two weeks and I'm trying to think of suitable readings and music for this ceremony.
    It seems as if whatever we do it isn't really enough to commemorate somebody as important as my Mum. I do feel lost without my Mum and sad that she had to suffer in her last few years.
    Kayla
     
  8. nickyd

    nickyd Registered User

    Oct 20, 2007
    146
    warwickshire
    Thanking you all

    I couldnt believe it, this morning when I checked the forum. It was wonderful to hear from all you kind people.. It helped a great deal, thankyou all. Even though Mum is free of dementia, in a way it is still with me, how can you forget it, after what it has done! I wish I had of come on here sooner, I kept meaning to, but never got round to it. So to any of you that need a bit of advice or just a friendly chinwag, please, please don't hesitate, I would love to try and help, just a little bit. I suppose i'm experienced in this from day1 to the end. Lots of Love, Nicky xxx
     
  9. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Nicky, it is so lovely that you would think of others.

    Take time, time for you and yours, time to mourn, time to grieve.

    Come back to us when, and if, you are ready. Love n'hugs,
     
  10. nemesisis

    nemesisis Registered User

    May 25, 2006
    100
    nickyd xx

    so sorry for you
    bless all I can say is your mum would want you to remember all the happy times xx
     
  11. nicetotalk

    nicetotalk Registered User

    Sep 22, 2006
    155
    stretford
    Hi nickyd

    Iam so sorry for your loss, my mum was 62 when she passed away 6th of march last year. I was with her at the end as well it is just so awful i to am 37 and it hurts even now. You take care of yourself kathy
     
  12. nickyd

    nickyd Registered User

    Oct 20, 2007
    146
    warwickshire
    Getting by

    Last night I went to a memorial service for Mum and other people that have passed away this year. Dont get me wrong, it was lovely, but I found it really hard going back into the church. I cried and cried and cried. I know it sounds silly but it made me realise Mum really has gone and isn't coming back and I find that so hard to cope with.
    Yesterday, we had a bench in memory of Mum delivered to the cemetery which is
    nice, but again so, so sad.
    Today I'm going to the funeral directors to arrange the Headstone, we are having a lovely photo of her put on, with 'Pretty Woman' inscribed on the back. Pretty Woman was played as Mum left the church[cos, thats what she was] it was very apt for her, and she would of loved it!
    Nicky, xxx
     
  13. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,885
    Kent
    Dear Nicky,

    All these occasions, although dreadfully sad, are helping you to express your grief. Even though they are so upsetting for you, I hope you get some comfort too.

    Take care

    Love xx
     
  14. Kate P

    Kate P Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    565
    Merseyside
    Dear Nicky,

    I'm so sorry for the loss of your mum. I too have a tendancy to cry more when I'm in church - I don't know why.

    I'll be thinking of you and I hope you can continue to heal as you remember your beautiful mum.

    Love
     
  15. nickyd

    nickyd Registered User

    Oct 20, 2007
    146
    warwickshire
    Can't believe whats happened

    :mad:Today myself, Dad and Sister went to see Mum at the cemetery, we had a bench in memory of her put there with plaque. We discovered that someone has tried to rip it out. Words can't explain how we're feeling, I feel sick that someone has done this to my Mum, how evil are some people in this world. At this very minute we would love to come face to face with whoever has done this to us, and Mum. I hope nothing like this ever happens to them.... Love, A very angry Nickyxxx:mad:
     
  16. Kate P

    Kate P Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    565
    Merseyside
    I'm so sorry Nicky - what an awful thing to happen - it's really not what you need at all.

    Hope for karmic retribution...

    (((HUGS)))
     
  17. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,885
    Kent
    Dear Nicky,

    Mindless vandalism, lack of respect, sickness of mind.........how hurt you must be. It doesn`t bear thinking about. I am so sorry.

    Along our cliff tops where we go for walks are dozens of memorial benches. On the anniversaries of deaths and bithdays, the families place flowers on them. They are left undisturbed until they wither.

    That`s how it should be.

    Love xx
     
  18. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Another one with the Angels.

    Dear Nicky,
    Firstly, I am so sorry to hear about your Mother.
    I send my sincere prays to you and your family at this herrendous time.
    As for the scum who did that to a beautiful memory for your Mother, as they say what goes around comes around.
    Love and very best wishes. Christine
     
  19. jackie1

    jackie1 Registered User

    Jun 6, 2007
    238
    Cheshire
    Oh Nicky, What a truely awful thing to happen. I don't have the words to express how angry I am and what I thing of the person/people who would do such a thing.

    Love
    Jackie
    xx
     
  20. nickyd

    nickyd Registered User

    Oct 20, 2007
    146
    warwickshire
    #20 nickyd, Nov 24, 2007
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2007
    Thanks Kate, Sylvia, Christine and Jackie for your support and kind words. I have calmed a little now, it was so hard not to take what happened personally to Mum, and of course all you want to do is still protect her even though she isn't here anymore. My day was ended with 1 of my cats bringing in a nice fat rat in for me, which I nearly trod on:eek:lol
    Love, Nicky and Roland Ratxxx
     

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