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Losing it

CherryTT4

Registered User
Dec 5, 2019
53
0
Wiltshire
I know none of us are angels and that we all have a breaking points. It is the loneliness and that pointlessness of it all that breaks my heart. Even in the times when they know you they are often not even kind. I miss so much being a couple and being someone that is loved. How do any of you cope at your lowest point? I think I may need some antidepressant - or alcohol - or cigarettes - or Clifton Suspension Bridge. It worse when you think you have turned a corner and are copying and then they hit you with a curved ball you didnt expect. Suppose that life!! Breakdown over - big girls knicker on - deep intake of breath x
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,774
0
I know none of us are angels and that we all have a breaking points. It is the loneliness and that pointlessness of it all that breaks my heart. Even in the times when they know you they are often not even kind. I miss so much being a couple and being someone that is loved. How do any of you cope at your lowest point? I think I may need some antidepressant - or alcohol - or cigarettes - or Clifton Suspension Bridge. It worse when you think you have turned a corner and are copying and then they hit you with a curved ball you didnt expect. Suppose that life!! Breakdown over - big girls knicker on - deep intake of breath x
Oh my dear, so understand. Cope at lowest point. I don’t think I did! At my lowest point I was writing 100 lines each evening saying I must endure, I must endure … and once I shouted out of my bathroom window. IM A HUMAN BEING PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME.
My husband died nearly two years ago and I think I am still recovering from the ordeal of it all. I’m in Bristol not far from the bridge … are you?
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
65,492
0
70
Dundee
I’m sorry things are so bad for you just now @CherryTT4. It really is heartbreaking. I think it might be a good idea for you to have a talk with your GP - they may be able to refer your for counselling, or as you say perhaps an antidepressant might be appropriate.

Please keep coming to the forum for support as well - so many people will recognise how you feel.
 

CherryTT4

Registered User
Dec 5, 2019
53
0
Wiltshire
Oh my dear, so understand. Cope at lowest point. I don’t think I did! At my lowest point I was writing 100 lines each evening saying I must endure, I must endure … and once I shouted out of my bathroom window. IM A HUMAN BEING PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME.
My husband died nearly two years ago and I think I am still recovering from the ordeal of it all. I’m in Bristol not far from the bridge … are you?
Thank you for your reply. I am in Devizes. I think his dying is like you say going to be very difficult too xxx
 

Mariane

Registered User
Jul 27, 2021
20
0
Aw Cherry we just have to endure and I don’t know how we do it either. It’s like my husband and I are both sick except he is the needier one supposedly, but sometimes I wonder. I understand depression now in a way I never did before. It’s crippling, really making the demands of caring even harder to accomplish. I’m trying to do the “one day at a time” thing, but even that gets harder as things I procrastinate about just keep building up. I do find comfort from knowing you and others are like me….have a blessed day.
 

JaxG

Registered User
May 15, 2021
47
0
I am so sorry you are feeling so low at the moment, but I do know you are not alone in this. I think this disease takes both lives .. the patient and the carer. You grieve for the life you had, for the life you hoped to have and for the loss of the person that has been stolen by the disease. I look into the future and wonder if I will ever have a life again. I have times when I am not coping and life seems pointless. Fortunately after posting about an aggressive incident on this site Social Services are now involved. This has made such a difference, I feel at last someone is listening and that I am not so alone. Look after yourself....you are not alone.
 

Newanne

Registered User
May 1, 2010
28
0
clitheroe
I know none of us are angels and that we all have a breaking points. It is the loneliness and that pointlessness of it all that breaks my heart. Even in the times when they know you they are often not even kind. I miss so much being a couple and being someone that is loved. How do any of you cope at your lowest point? I think I may need some antidepressant - or alcohol - or cigarettes - or Clifton Suspension Bridge. It worse when you think you have turned a corner and are copying and then they hit you with a curved ball you didnt expect. Suppose that life!! Breakdown over - big girls knicker on - deep intake of breath x
Oh cherry, my heart goes out to you. 💙💙 I wish I could just hug you. I am at the beginning of this terrible journey with my husband. And already finding I want to yell and scream and throw things, I found a local service called" minds matter " you can refer yourself for free. As long as your not getting help from doc, or have a mental illness. They will be ringing me to do an assessment of need, then I will see a therapist for a short time. I just need help with managing my stress. It's so hard keeping emotion in check with my oh, I end up shaking and churned up inside. There may be a service in you area too. Worth looking into. Keep those big girl knickers pulled up tight. 💙💙💙🤗🤗
 

big l

Registered User
Aug 15, 2015
92
0
It's not a good place is it? I get low and fed up with having nothing to look forward to, when everything I dreamt about for us has been taken away. I don't know what the answer is, we're not selfish people, but we're human and yes, haul those knickers up and kick on. Community hug needed.
 

CherryTT4

Registered User
Dec 5, 2019
53
0
Wiltshire
Thank you all for your replies, they are a comfort. I am sitting here in the dark at 2.20 am as he has dressed and wants to leave. Dealing with this at night is the hardest. After a day of doing every thing all I want to do is sleep and not worry. Its so hard to deal with, I get cross,I get upset I ignore but nothing makes a difference. It is going to be a long night. However i am resigned now so have got the big girls knickers on. Xxx
 

Bettysue

Registered User
Mar 21, 2020
90
0
Totally sympathise! I’ve just had the worst night ever! I can deal with things during the day but am being worn down with this phase of turning night into day. I was about to fall asleep when he got up and this has been repeated all night…I’ve hardly slept at all. I’ve spent the waking hours Googling care homes. That sums it up.
 

lollyc

Registered User
Sep 9, 2020
603
0
I'm afraid I resorted to drugs - for Mum, not me (although it was tempting...), to deal with the broken nights. It has made a difference. I really don't think I could have carried on otherwise.
 

Sootypig

New member
Apr 8, 2018
3
0
I am just about coping during the day but the nights are so hard. At 3.0 in the morning all my negative emotions come out. Who is this person that I am sharing my bed with? He cares about the dog but treats me with contempt. I love him, I can't imagine my life without him but at night I just want this to be over. Without sleep I can't do this much longer. I tried melatonin but it had no effect we increased the mematime and the aggressive language calmed down but he only sleeps for a couple of hours. He cat naps sometimes in the day but seems to not need to sleep any more. lollyc what drugs did you use for your mum.? If they work I need something.
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,774
0
I am just about coping during the day but the nights are so hard. At 3.0 in the morning all my negative emotions come out. Who is this person that I am sharing my bed with? He cares about the dog but treats me with contempt. I love him, I can't imagine my life without him but at night I just want this to be over. Without sleep I can't do this much longer. I tried melatonin but it had no effect we increased the mematime and the aggressive language calmed down but he only sleeps for a couple of hours. He cat naps sometimes in the day but seems to not need to sleep any more. lollyc what drugs did you use for your mum.? If they work I need something.
Welcome to our forum, you will find friends and support here. I know, this is so very hard especially without sleep. Please talk to your GP as soon as you can and tell him this situation cannot go on like this.
Others will be along on the forum perhaps with more specific advice. But I wanted to say you are not alone. Warmest geraldine
 

lollyc

Registered User
Sep 9, 2020
603
0
I am just about coping during the day but the nights are so hard. At 3.0 in the morning all my negative emotions come out. Who is this person that I am sharing my bed with? He cares about the dog but treats me with contempt. I love him, I can't imagine my life without him but at night I just want this to be over. Without sleep I can't do this much longer. I tried melatonin but it had no effect we increased the mematime and the aggressive language calmed down but he only sleeps for a couple of hours. He cat naps sometimes in the day but seems to not need to sleep any more. lollyc what drugs did you use for your mum.? If they work I need something.
We are not under any mental health care, so Mum's GP prescribes everything.
She currently has Mirtazapine 45mg (anti-depressant, but some sedative effect), Quetiapine 100mg (think this may be anti-psychotic and sedative) - the dose has recently been increased because she is now talking non-stop, like some sort of mania. She also has Lorazepam 1mg, on an as-and-when basis (that is becoming more an everyday basis).

We have arrived at this point over a long period of time. Some medications didn't work, and we have had to have tweaks to the dosages as things have deteriorated. It's not a miracle cure, but things are now much more manageable.
Speak to his GP, and don't play down how much this is affecting you. They will probably say that these medications increase falls risks, but you have to weight this up against the benefits. Managing dementia seems to be about taking the least worst option, rather than trying to find the , non-existent, perfect solution.
 

Mrs Humphrey

Registered User
May 14, 2021
41
0
I know none of us are angels and that we all have a breaking points. It is the loneliness and that pointlessness of it all that breaks my heart. Even in the times when they know you they are often not even kind. I miss so much being a couple and being someone that is loved. How do any of you cope at your lowest point? I think I may need some antidepressant - or alcohol - or cigarettes - or Clifton Suspension Bridge. It worse when you think you have turned a corner and are copying and then they hit you with a curved ball you didnt expect. Suppose that life!! Breakdown over - big girls knicker on - deep intake of breath x
 

Mrs Humphrey

Registered User
May 14, 2021
41
0
I have turned into an absolute fiend with my husband because emotionally I can't cope. He is just so confused and the wet beds infuriate me even though he wears incontinence pants. I cry and cry and feel there is no life to look forward to. Our sons and daughter in laws just do not realise how hard it all is to watch the person you have loved for 55 years slowly being taken from you. It is Hell.
 

B72

Registered User
Jul 21, 2018
178
0
Yes to all of you. Yes, it’s so hard seeing the one you love disappear. Yes after 55 years. 55 years today! Yes, the family don’t understand. (As I didn’t with friends in the past)….

Sometimes I say to him, you don’t know all the times I’ve been patient. But I’m only human, not a saint.

But there isn’t an alternative….. We just have to carry on, in memory of the person he was, and who we still love….. ( Most of the time….)
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
16,170
0
South coast
@Mrs Humphrey - it sounds like you have reached carer breakdown. You cannot go on like that, you will end up damaging either him or yourself. Please contact your GP and also contact Social Services for emergency respite. I know you dont want to do that, but this really is an emergency.
 

lollyc

Registered User
Sep 9, 2020
603
0
I have turned into an absolute fiend with my husband because emotionally I can't cope. He is just so confused and the wet beds infuriate me even though he wears incontinence pants. I cry and cry and feel there is no life to look forward to. Our sons and daughter in laws just do not realise how hard it all is to watch the person you have loved for 55 years slowly being taken from you. It is Hell.
Please get some respite, so that you can recharge your batteries, and consider how you can go forward.

Are there any day-centres or clubs that your husband could attend, giving you regular "me" time each week? Actually having something to look forward to each week can make things a little more bearable. With regard to the bed wetting, some here have had success with adult sleepsuits that do up at the back. This will stop your husband fiddlng with the incontinence pants.
You probably think your husband won't accept respite. or daycare. The trouble is, if you reach the end of your tether, he will have no choice.
 

CAL Y

Registered User
Jul 17, 2021
120
0
I don’t know how any of you manage this for years on end.
It has been only 6 months for me but my husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer a month ago.
Everything came to a head this week. Hospice nurses at home are involved and after a month of sleepless nights I am shaking with exhaustion.
Had a special bed installed today and we will transfer to the spare bedroom hopefully tomorrow when the bedding delivery arrives.
I have never felt so tired.
I have had to interrupt sending this for twenty minutes to take him to the toilet again.
Im 70 years old and have osteoporosis. Today he has deteriorated so much that he can’t lift himself and I just can’t lift him.
I think that tomorrow, they are going to have to get more help in for him.
I am now completely burnt out.