1. lore

    lore Registered User

    Jan 13, 2016
    1
    #1 lore, Jan 13, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 13, 2016
    Dilemma!
    Hi all,
    I'm new to this very helpful and informative forum, so thanks in advance for any advice.
    My family and I may be one of the lucky ones where our mother has lived in an assisted living care home for nearly 6 years.
    Her decline has been very slow but the last year she has deteriorated and we have been losing a fighting battle with the care she is receiving and trying to keep her in her room, her home.
    The care care-home can no longer meet her dementia needs and has requested (for a while) that she moves to the enclosed unit or move out!
    We have sought advice and had an assessment from a professional (external) who agrees with the care-home.
    We have come to accept this (despite many failings on their behalf) nevertheless we are now faced with an imminent move.
    The care home want to carry out this transition without any aid from the family and have asked us NOT to visit for 3 days as they feel she will not settle if we are constantly going back and fore.
    I can't bare the thought of her feeling abandoned in new surrounding and feeling stressed and unhappy without her family. I'm finding it all extremely difficult to get my head around.
    I visit everyday and most night put her to bed. My siblings, granddaughter/son visit also few times a week so she is always seeing family.
    Any opinions/advice?
     
  2. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    When my mum had to move from her care home to a locked unit my brother took all her belongings whilst I took her on a circuitous journey to her new home. When we got there her room was full of her things and looked very much like her old room. Luckily same aspect looking over the garden. I would not have dreamt of anyone else moving her. Dig your heels in . She may be more aware of things than anyone can tell and having you with her will be some comfort.
     
  3. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    12,486
    Female
    England
    Hello Lore and welcome to Talking Point.

    My husband moved into nursing care over 3 years ago and We were there when he arrived from the assessment unit he had been in for 9 weeks.

    I would have hated him to have arrived and no one familiar to greet him. He had not recognised me as his wife for 2 years but I was familiar and constant in his life. I visited daily, I had lived with him for 47 years, why would I not want to see him. We did not want him to feel abandoned, life had to go on as it had been. If you want to visit, do things for your Mother then do them, you as a family and your Mother have to be comfortable with this change and you must do as you want. I feel it can only help her settle, others may have a different view, experiences are very different sometimes.

    I wish you and your Mother the very best with the move.
     
  4. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,056
    GLASGOW
    I agree that you should visit and reassure. If she is then very distressed and they advise a break from visiting that would be different. I would dig my heels in.
     

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