Mum is 91 and had dementia for 8 years or so. She recently went into hospital overnight for a suspected broken hip, but no fracture was found and she returned to the Care Home the following day. On her discharge she had thrush in her throat which made eating difficult. She did not get any antibiotics for four days due to incompetence of the home/GP/chemist.
She started to eat some food last Sunday, but we received a call yesterday saying Mum had deteriorated severely and was not eating and being given water via a pipette. Mum is bedridden and we spent 2 hours with her last night and she never said a word or smiled. She was drifting in and out of consciousness. We honestly thought she would not make the night.
Mum is under the palliative care team, and today the GP drew up a PEACE document with my help (POA). The GP did a video consult with Mum and agreed she looked very much like the end is close. She has arranged for all possible drugs that might be needed to make Mums passing as comfortable as possible to be kept at the care home for use by district or palliative nurses, and felt it would likely be days as opposed to weeks.
This is where I feel so guilty. I feel I ought to be sitting with Mum, but I don’t think she even knows I am there. I plan to visit once or twice a day, as do my children, but I know if she dies with no one there I will carry that guilt. Mum never wanted to go into care (as her own Mother had dementia) and I know she would not want to go on as she is, but I feel I am letting her down again, if she dies alone.
My family keep telling me I have done everything possible for Mum over the years, but it does not stop me feeling so guilty…..
She started to eat some food last Sunday, but we received a call yesterday saying Mum had deteriorated severely and was not eating and being given water via a pipette. Mum is bedridden and we spent 2 hours with her last night and she never said a word or smiled. She was drifting in and out of consciousness. We honestly thought she would not make the night.
Mum is under the palliative care team, and today the GP drew up a PEACE document with my help (POA). The GP did a video consult with Mum and agreed she looked very much like the end is close. She has arranged for all possible drugs that might be needed to make Mums passing as comfortable as possible to be kept at the care home for use by district or palliative nurses, and felt it would likely be days as opposed to weeks.
This is where I feel so guilty. I feel I ought to be sitting with Mum, but I don’t think she even knows I am there. I plan to visit once or twice a day, as do my children, but I know if she dies with no one there I will carry that guilt. Mum never wanted to go into care (as her own Mother had dementia) and I know she would not want to go on as she is, but I feel I am letting her down again, if she dies alone.
My family keep telling me I have done everything possible for Mum over the years, but it does not stop me feeling so guilty…..