Good luck
Good luck with the future, it is the right decision as things just get worse and then you have to make a decision during a crisis like I did. It is much better that you are able to make plans without the added stress of being in a crisis. Unfortunately sometimes it takes a crisis to make that decision, or get the professionals to support you and make it possible. Please do not doubt that you are doing what is best for all and do not let those who will criticise your decisions (there are always those who do) make any difference to what you know is right. People need to walk a lot of miles in the shoes of a person with care for a dementia sufferer and while some just struggle on, some of us just can't any more without detriment to our health and our families. My dad went into a CH 2 years ago, looking back I do not know how I coped as long as I did, I had all those self doubts, beat myself up about him going into care but it was best for us all. I could not give 24/7 care, he needed that, therefore a crisis happened. You will look back and feel relief as the pressure will be off, therefore you can spend quality time with your loved ones, all of them. We are but one person, we are not super human though there are those who expect us to be, who will let us carry on caring, with no thought to the effect it has on ourselves, our families and the risk to the loved one with dementia. Please stop beating yourself up, you have done your very best, now it is time to move on and enjoy the time you have left with your loved one. Good luck again, it is a hard road we travel with many obstacles. x
I haven't posted for a while, one reason happy one not so. I have been very busy with preparations for my daughter's wedding which culminated in a lovely memorable day last Sunday.
Needless to say Mum was a bit confused with the disruption in the house. I did all the decorations for the event at home & made the cakes (there were 3), on top of this she developed a UTI 3 days before the wedding.
Even allowing for all the changes and resulting upset for her, she has moved further down the Dementia path & I am finding I am extremely wearied in coping with caring for her. I am lucky compared to some here in that there is no physical threats involved, but I am finding the non-stop emotional strain and the lack of sleep draining.
On top of this my daughter is pregnant & has a condition which could potentially prove life threatening for her or her unborn son or both. As my 1st and very likely only grandchild I would love to be there for her, and she wants me there very much. However my Mum will need to go into respite care. The local CH does not facilitate EMI respite which she needs as she will wander. They may however have a permanent bed in the not too distant future, which they are happy to earmark for her. However this brings forward a decision I have been considering for some time, about placing Mum in a Care Home permanently. This CH is within walking distance so I could visit everyday, take her for walks in her wheelchair, take to medical appointments and just be nearby. I know I would be able to get some rest & enjoy my visits with her etc.
However I can't shrug off this feeling like a Judas knowing that I am planning this without her knowledge. I am trying to make decisions that are in her best interests with a clear head, but my emotions are holding me back from taking that final step.
I know ultimately the decision is mine I have LPA for both health & finances in place & perhaps if the issue of my daughter's health had not arisen I may have been able to continue to care for Mum at home for a little while longer. If I am honest with myself though I don't think I would be able to do so indefinitely, I am managing her care but at a cost to my own health. I am feeling isolated & lonely & unable to leave her alone for more than 20 minutes at a time to walk my little dog. Pretty soon I think this will have to stop too.
Gosh this is a long one sorry! Just read it back & it looks as if I am trying to convince myself!
Good luck with the future, it is the right decision as things just get worse and then you have to make a decision during a crisis like I did. It is much better that you are able to make plans without the added stress of being in a crisis. Unfortunately sometimes it takes a crisis to make that decision, or get the professionals to support you and make it possible. Please do not doubt that you are doing what is best for all and do not let those who will criticise your decisions (there are always those who do) make any difference to what you know is right. People need to walk a lot of miles in the shoes of a person with care for a dementia sufferer and while some just struggle on, some of us just can't any more without detriment to our health and our families. My dad went into a CH 2 years ago, looking back I do not know how I coped as long as I did, I had all those self doubts, beat myself up about him going into care but it was best for us all. I could not give 24/7 care, he needed that, therefore a crisis happened. You will look back and feel relief as the pressure will be off, therefore you can spend quality time with your loved ones, all of them. We are but one person, we are not super human though there are those who expect us to be, who will let us carry on caring, with no thought to the effect it has on ourselves, our families and the risk to the loved one with dementia. Please stop beating yourself up, you have done your very best, now it is time to move on and enjoy the time you have left with your loved one. Good luck again, it is a hard road we travel with many obstacles. x