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I think I am just exhausted. I also feel really guilty. I’m not entirely sure why. I think perhaps guilty for not feeling like I can do everything. Mum is very challenging. Her dementia makes her aggressive and she always thinks that she is right. Today I came downstairs from working to find her with her coat on. She told me she was going to play netball!! . I did manage to calm her down and she took her coat off. I told her the game had been postponed due to the weather. You find yourself coming up with all sorts of lies don’t you?! The other day mum thought I was the headmistress and this was a school. I find the distraction technique really hard. Giving her things to do often just causes more work for me-like clearing plates after dinner-I find the plates all over the place or dishes not washed etc. She thinks the stove is the sink and often pours leftover things onto it. She poured the kettle over her hands because she couldn’t figure the tap out-thankfully it wasn’t hot. She can’t be left for a second. She was in a home last year to give dad some respite before they moved in with me. She ended up fighting with residents, trying to escape out of the window. So from there she was sectioned. She came out last October but it wasn’t long before dad wasn’t able to cope.
Yes the worst time was when dad was first diagnosed as it felt like I was grieving as well.Does anyone else just find 5 minutes to stop and have a little cry? Had to stop work because mum was saying she wanted a bath and a bath isn’t safe so had to get her into the shower. Then went back to doing work before prepping dinner for everyone and sorting washing etc etc. Am hoping I’ll feel better after a little cry
@MaNaAk , mum had been diagnosed for a good few years now. Her and dad were largely coping at home until April time last year when mum just nose-dived. She kept throwing dad out and not recognising him and I would have to drive over and calm things down. They lived about 20 mins away before they moved in with me. In the end mum was just angry at poor dad all of the time for no reason. She went into a care home with a view to it being for a few weeks to sort her medication out. After 2 weeks, the care home just couldn’t cope with her. They ended up calling the police as she barricaded herself into a room and had hit another resident. So then she was arrested, sectioned and medicated.Yes the worst time was when dad was first diagnosed as it felt like I was grieving as well.
Hi there Helen 10,Perhaps you could leave the room and come back in saying something like....hello Mum it's your daughter Helen here. Just a thought .
What a hard thing it is having to deal with someone who is angry and just doesn’t recognise you.Hi there Helen 10,
My Mother would constantly ask where her Mum is, is she at work? can I take her to her Mums work to see her. Then she asked where's my Dad (her husband), he passed away 30yrs ago. His dinners ready (it wasn't). She once asked me why are you here, why do you come to my house, where's your mother go home
When I told her I'm your daughter she said I'm lying, how can I be her daughter, your an old woman my daughter is at school a little girl. She would go crazy shouting and pushed me out of the house and said go away. She threw me out of the house! said I was stealing her furniture. She would tell neighbours we were stealing from her, and keeping her prisoner. It was a horrible time. Now Mum's in a CH and hasn't got a clue who we are and is very angry when we visit her via the window, she's asked the carers who are these people. Its a horrible time
Mums social worker has already said that there aren’t any homes close by that deal with challenging behaviour. So it would mean she would have to move away. Not sure how she or dad would cope with thatHi @Helen10
My take on this is that whatever anyone does when dealing with dementia, they will feel guilty.
When someone with dementia is living with you, then everyone in the house has to be considered (that includes you) not just the person with dementia. Their needs and wants do not trump everybody elses. If you are concerned about the children (and I would be too) then it is not working and its time to change things. Who in the house is actually happy with this arrangement? It doesnt sound to me as though anyboby is. Perhaps now is the time to find a care home that specialises in challenging behaviour.