1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. CHEZA27

    CHEZA27 Registered User

    Jan 8, 2015

    I'm new to this site and thought I would introduce myself. My name is Cheryl and my mother got diagnosed with vascular dementia in April 2014, she is only 62. Since her diagnoses she has rapidly gone down hill and my brother and I had to place my mother into restpite care. Our dad has also been very unwell and spent 5 months in Oxford hospital, he had open heart surgery in October 2014. This was one the main reason why mum was placed in to respite care as dad wasn't there.

    She was walking off, leaving the front door open, leaving the oven/hob on full blast, not taking tablets or and even not remembering to eat. Since mum has been in the home she has become incontinent,refusing to shower/bath and seems to be getting worse. She has lost a lot of weight, conversation is really hard; but she does still know who my brother and I are which is wonderful, i'm really really scared about the future.

    Since my dad learnt of the diagnoses he doesn't seem to be taking it seriously, he tells my mum that he will break her out of the 'prison' we've (me and my brother) put her in, and that she will get better and that dementia isnt bad. He's not engaging with the social work team, he barely visits my mum and doesn't realise what she needs.

    A simple trip out for a cup of tea/cake involves quite a lot of preparation time, having a changing bag with me, having to think about ten steps ahead. I used to be able to go out on shopping trips with my mum and tell her everything...now she cant even remember what she did that same morning.

    This sounds really selfish but i have been and i am really struggling with the diagnoses, i feel like i've lost my best friend. I'm looking for support, guidance and possibly reassurance and that i'm not on my own.

    I appreciate any responses

    Cheryl x:(
  2. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    Hello and welcome to Talking Point, sad though it is that you need it.

    I am sorry about your Mother and obviously the problem you have with not only your Dad's health but his lack of understanding of her illness.

    You are certainly not alone and many here will understand your situation.

    How helpful is the GP for your parents. If you could speak to him/her and explain that your Dad is not understanding the situation and is there any chance of explaining it all to your Dad. He may take more notice of a medical person. Failing that someone from the Mental Health Team may visit him.

    Is there any chance at all that he would read some of the Threads here so at least he sees something of how people learn to live with dementia, whether their loved one is in care or at home. There are some useful factsheets that may be helpful too. The list is here:

    I am sure that's enough from me - others will be along soon.
    Best wishes
  3. CHEZA27

    CHEZA27 Registered User

    Jan 8, 2015
    Thank you for your response. I have printed out fact sheets, had books sent to his house and also thrusted information at him. He just seems so disinterested. I can see if he would read some of the posts...not on the best of terms with him at the moment.
    many thanks x
  4. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    We had really good guidance and help from our local Alz Soc Home support worker we had many crisis points as we came to terms and understood Dad's decline - even if your dad won't engage, you would feel supported from a visit or being able to speak on the phone. Contact your local branch to see if someone is available.

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