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Looking for support

Felixcat1

New member
Feb 23, 2021
3
0
Hi, my dad doesn’t have a formal diagnosis yet but he has had a memory assessment and only scored 37/100. The memory nurse did tell me that he hadn’t done very well at all and that the cut off is 82/100. The nurse said that it’s not looking good. We are now waiting to see the consultant who will also have seen my dads brain scan by the time we see him. I first noticed that he was struggling with finding the right words. This is something that dad noticed too. Then his speech is often slurred or he mumbles. Then he couldn’t remember how to use the remote control. Dad is now having delusions. The first time it happened was 16 months ago. He then started getting suspicious of people he has known all their lives. Over the past few weeks he has accused me of all sorts but mostly stealing his things which is very upsetting as there is no reasoning with him and he is so convinced it is true. It is as if he becomes a different person. The delusions are happening more frequently. He also accepted a lift home from complete strangers and whilst this could have been a random act of kindness, it could also have been predatory. I am worried he may refuse to go to the follow up appointment at the memory clinic. Somebody at the bus stop has told him that it is the first step of looking to put him into a home so I can have his house. He told me that he is not going to anymore doctors or hospital appointments and just wants to live out the rest of his days at home. All I want is to be able to look after him and to have some idea what to expect and what help and support is available so that he can continue to live independently for as long as possible. I would be really grateful to hear from anyone that has been or is currently going through a similar experience with their loved one. I feel heartbroken 💔 thank you in anticipation of any replies
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
5,211
0
Nottinghamshire
Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Felixcat 1

Yours is a familiar story here. You should be able to get a needs assessment for your dad from Social Services. If you have a read around the forum you’ll get some idea of what to expect, but everyone is different so don’t worry that everything will happen to your dad. If you type what you’re looking for in the search box at the top of the page (e.g. “delusions”) that should lead you to other discussions on the subject.

Please feel free to ask any questions and I’m sure someone will have suggestions for you. Keep on posting 🙂
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,815
0
Yorkshire
hello @felixcat1
a warm welcome to DTP

the process of getting the diagnosis is tough on everyone as it's going to put into high relief something none of us really wants to have to face

I hope you get to see the consultant soon, so that you can ask any questions you have ... make a list over the next few days, so you have a note of your concerns, rather than having to remember everything on the day

I would suggest you don't discuss the appointment with your dad, so he doesn't keep building it up as a negative ... if he brings it up, try not to engage, mumble something neutral and distract him onto a treat or his favourite TV (anything he may like to focus on) ... even on the day you might only say you are just going for a drive/trip out and as you get near the building maybe say you just want to pop in to ask a question

at some point look into arranging Lasting Powers of Attorney ... if your dad is suspicious maybe say you are doing them too as you've heard every adult should have them just in case, and invite him to be your Attorney (you can tear up your documents)
 

Felixcat1

New member
Feb 23, 2021
3
0
Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Felixcat 1

Yours is a familiar story here. You should be able to get a needs assessment for your dad from Social Services. If you have a read around the forum you’ll get some idea of what to expect, but everyone is different so don’t worry that everything will happen to your dad. If you type what you’re looking for in the search box at the top of the page (e.g. “delusions”) that should lead you to other discussions on the subject.

Please feel free to ask any questions and I’m sure someone will have suggestions for you. Keep on posting 🙂
Thank you 😊
 

Felixcat1

New member
Feb 23, 2021
3
0
hello @felixcat1
a warm welcome to DTP

the process of getting the diagnosis is tough on everyone as it's going to put into high relief something none of us really wants to have to face

I hope you get to see the consultant soon, so that you can ask any questions you have ... make a list over the next few days, so you have a note of your concerns, rather than having to remember everything on the day

I would suggest you don't discuss the appointment with your dad, so he doesn't keep building it up as a negative ... if he brings it up, try not to engage, mumble something neutral and distract him onto a treat or his favourite TV (anything he may like to focus on) ... even on the day you might only say you are just going for a drive/trip out and as you get near the building maybe say you just want to pop in to ask a question

at some point look into arranging Lasting Powers of Attorney ... if your dad is suspicious maybe say you are doing them too as you've heard every adult should have them just in case, and invite him to be your Attorney (you can tear up your documents)
Hello and thank you for your advice.
My sister and I have joint LPA and Health and Welfare, which is a relief because I think he would refuse to set it up now with how suspicious he has become. I am the main support for my dad, he wanted us to have joint responsibility. My sister does not really have much contact with dad despite saying she will call him more often, it never happens and he’s lucky if he sees her once a year. I have been keeping her up to date via text, because when I call her she doesn’t often answer.
I have kept a dairy since his first delusion as it really scared me. I couldn’t believe what he was saying to me and accusing me of. That was 16 months ago now.
Fingers crossed we should be in with the consultant sometime in April. Thank you for the advice of not mentioning it to him. I wasn’t planning on bringing it up again since he said he wouldn’t go to any more appointments. Mind you, if it’s anything like recent events he won’t remember anyway. Your advice is really appreciated. Thank you 😊