I am one of four siblings and unfortunately I live furthest away from my mother (300 miles) so not directly involved in her 'care'.
My mum - in her 70's has been recently diagnosed with mixed dementia - vascular and alzhiemers. However my does not accept this diagnoses in the slightest.
My older sister has been mums main carer for many years (due to her other illnesses) but the rest of the sibs and in-laws, grandchildren chip in and help where possible and if its accepted by my mum.
Mum has very set views surrounding mental health (going back to her childhood where her grandmother was placed in a 'mental home' after the birth of her 3rd child due to mastitis and her grandmother never came out of that institution) - so my mum views mental health and the treatment of it as something you get locked away for, called mad and incompetent.
Mum thinks that the whole family have a conspiracy against her and we have all managed to convince the doctors (who have also told her that the family are conspiring against her!) to call her 'mad'.
Unfortunately mums worst traits are coming out and its very difficult to discern what is and isn't the dementia -she seems to focus on the adult males in the family - my brother and my brother in law -accusing them of stealing things -money, feather dusters, books - saying things about her to other people etc. (Neither of these males would steal anything). She can also be extremely nasty and vile about the rest of the family (and neighbours) - she seems to try to play one of against the other, she will deny outright what she has said seconds later (it will be you lying about what she said).
My older sister (main carer) finds it all very difficult and is loaded with guilt as she think she should be doing more for mum, should've noticed things before etc.
My dementia nurse has been out to mum twice (sister in law was wth mum at those visits)- however mum refuses to listen to them and seems to put on a great 'act' for their benefit. She insists that the nurse has told her she is fine, she doesn't have anything wrong with her etc.
The nurse (I may be using the wrong job title for that person) said that mum could be offered medication to help her - however mum refused and rightly they can't force mum to take it - or accept her diagnoses.
On the third scheduled visit siser in law could not attend and so no-one knows whether the nurse was able to visit with mum (mum said she was going to lock the door and not answer it if they came).
the nurse had given SIL his contact details and said that the family could contact him for advice or a chat (observing confidentiality about mum of course) -however - he hasn't returned any of our attempts to contact him -( I have tried twice - as I just wanted some general information about how to 'handle' some of the conversations I have with mum -my sister has tried three times and my SIL has tried twice - this is over the course of that last 5 months).
I think this not knowing what to expect - in terms of mums diagnoses - the progress of the dementia etc, what to expect from the support team visiting mum, how to handle mum not accepting the diagnoses and the nastiness and accusations. How to support my sister who is the main carer, as I know she gets so upset and feeling full of guilt, frustrated etc
Any support or advice would be great. Any links to signpost my sister (or rest of the family too etc)
My mum - in her 70's has been recently diagnosed with mixed dementia - vascular and alzhiemers. However my does not accept this diagnoses in the slightest.
My older sister has been mums main carer for many years (due to her other illnesses) but the rest of the sibs and in-laws, grandchildren chip in and help where possible and if its accepted by my mum.
Mum has very set views surrounding mental health (going back to her childhood where her grandmother was placed in a 'mental home' after the birth of her 3rd child due to mastitis and her grandmother never came out of that institution) - so my mum views mental health and the treatment of it as something you get locked away for, called mad and incompetent.
Mum thinks that the whole family have a conspiracy against her and we have all managed to convince the doctors (who have also told her that the family are conspiring against her!) to call her 'mad'.
Unfortunately mums worst traits are coming out and its very difficult to discern what is and isn't the dementia -she seems to focus on the adult males in the family - my brother and my brother in law -accusing them of stealing things -money, feather dusters, books - saying things about her to other people etc. (Neither of these males would steal anything). She can also be extremely nasty and vile about the rest of the family (and neighbours) - she seems to try to play one of against the other, she will deny outright what she has said seconds later (it will be you lying about what she said).
My older sister (main carer) finds it all very difficult and is loaded with guilt as she think she should be doing more for mum, should've noticed things before etc.
My dementia nurse has been out to mum twice (sister in law was wth mum at those visits)- however mum refuses to listen to them and seems to put on a great 'act' for their benefit. She insists that the nurse has told her she is fine, she doesn't have anything wrong with her etc.
The nurse (I may be using the wrong job title for that person) said that mum could be offered medication to help her - however mum refused and rightly they can't force mum to take it - or accept her diagnoses.
On the third scheduled visit siser in law could not attend and so no-one knows whether the nurse was able to visit with mum (mum said she was going to lock the door and not answer it if they came).
the nurse had given SIL his contact details and said that the family could contact him for advice or a chat (observing confidentiality about mum of course) -however - he hasn't returned any of our attempts to contact him -( I have tried twice - as I just wanted some general information about how to 'handle' some of the conversations I have with mum -my sister has tried three times and my SIL has tried twice - this is over the course of that last 5 months).
I think this not knowing what to expect - in terms of mums diagnoses - the progress of the dementia etc, what to expect from the support team visiting mum, how to handle mum not accepting the diagnoses and the nastiness and accusations. How to support my sister who is the main carer, as I know she gets so upset and feeling full of guilt, frustrated etc
Any support or advice would be great. Any links to signpost my sister (or rest of the family too etc)
