Dad moved into a care home in May, following a serious fall. He was later diagnosed with vascular dementia, and is mid stage. He was previously independent (with help from family) and had lived in the same house for over 50 years, so understandably became very attached to it and the wrench was awful. But he's slowly settling into the care home and thankfully no longer moans/yearns/acts frustrated to the same extent that he did for the first few months.
My problem is this... despite dad's needs (24 hour) and failing memory, he remembers the house and it's cluttered contents to the minutest detail. He asks 'does it still look the same?', all the time, and although I've (gently) mentioned on various occasions that the house will have to be sold, he forgets and asks the same set of questions again and again. He's mostly concerned about what is happening to various bits of electrical equipment (he was an engineer) and says he wouldn't like it to 'go' or be sold. He might want some of it, he says. And he is often asking for little things from the house, and describes exactly where they are, down to batteries, or a calculator, or more recently a black tie (unfortunately a friend of his recently passed away).
Trouble is, I've been slowly and single-handedly sorting the clutter out (and there's a lot of it), boxing things up, and clearing out cupboards. I've tried to talk to dad about it, but it's just too distressing for him, so I tend to be vague in my responses. But the house will be put on the market after Christmas - and the little things he's talking about will no longer be where he thinks they are. I keep moving stuff to the care home, and he's filling up the drawers there, but there's always something else.
Help! What is the kindest, least stressful way to approach this? I haven't told lies as such, I just haven't told the whole truth. He's been back to the house once since moving, and sometimes says he would like to go back again. Of course, I avoid that one because it isn't as he remembers it anymore. But mostly he's just asking for things that soon won't be there :-/. And he can be very persistent! What do I do?
My problem is this... despite dad's needs (24 hour) and failing memory, he remembers the house and it's cluttered contents to the minutest detail. He asks 'does it still look the same?', all the time, and although I've (gently) mentioned on various occasions that the house will have to be sold, he forgets and asks the same set of questions again and again. He's mostly concerned about what is happening to various bits of electrical equipment (he was an engineer) and says he wouldn't like it to 'go' or be sold. He might want some of it, he says. And he is often asking for little things from the house, and describes exactly where they are, down to batteries, or a calculator, or more recently a black tie (unfortunately a friend of his recently passed away).
Trouble is, I've been slowly and single-handedly sorting the clutter out (and there's a lot of it), boxing things up, and clearing out cupboards. I've tried to talk to dad about it, but it's just too distressing for him, so I tend to be vague in my responses. But the house will be put on the market after Christmas - and the little things he's talking about will no longer be where he thinks they are. I keep moving stuff to the care home, and he's filling up the drawers there, but there's always something else.
Help! What is the kindest, least stressful way to approach this? I haven't told lies as such, I just haven't told the whole truth. He's been back to the house once since moving, and sometimes says he would like to go back again. Of course, I avoid that one because it isn't as he remembers it anymore. But mostly he's just asking for things that soon won't be there :-/. And he can be very persistent! What do I do?
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