Looking for advice on how to get my father who is in denial a diagnosis

[Nade]

Hi,
It is very clear to his whole family that my father is in the early stages of dementia/Alzheimer’s but he becomes very angry whenever anyone talks about it. My mother had a heart attack in June and his behaviour and inability to fully care for her and absolute refusal to accept anything is increasing her risk of having another one. She is doing the caring when she needs to be cared for. We have applied for financial help but this is currently being assessed and who knows how long this will take.
Please if anyone has any advice as to how to encourage him to go to the doctors about his condition would be great fully received .

Thank you

 

[Sarasa]

Hi @Nade and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. I managed to get the ball rolling for a diagnosis for my mother by piggybacking a doctor's appointment she already had. I slipped the GP a note with my concerns and things progressed from there, though it was a long drawn out process not made any easier by my mum's refusal to go to the memory clinic. Other people have sent a letter to the GP with their concerns and asked for their loved one to be called in for a 'well-man' check up or similar. Given the covid situation this sort of thing may no longer be happening but I still think you need to alert the GP.
I'm sure others will be along with their input shortly, but in the meantime can you take your mum away from the situation for a while so social services etc see how much help your dad really needs.

 

[Desperatejan23]

I am in the same position with my husband. He is showing all the signs of dementia but won't see the doctor. If I mention my concerns about his poor memory, he gets angry with me. He is self-employed and is struggling to work so I have the financial worries too, as he is already in debt. I don't know where to turn and have lost my appetite and I'm not sleeping well either. It's an impossible situation.

 

[canary]

Hello @Desperatejan23 and welcome to Talking Point.

Please contact your GP. The GP probably wont be able to talk to you about your husband, but can listen. You can also write a letter or email (which might be better) explaining your concerns about your husband and also about your own problems as a result of this. The GP needs to know what is going on.

 

[Peppa1963]

You say it’s clear to the whole family, and yet your father is in denial. I care for my dad full time with my mother. You also say that he’s unable to care for your mother. It depends how serious the situation is, but social services have community welfare officers. They are often a good place to start if you are concerned about welfare. A doctor will not always engage unless you have LPA. If your father is still able to communicate and say no, then I’m afraid it’s his choice. I can understand your concern for your mother, ask her to ring the doctor. Her welfare seems to be the priority here. If the doctor has concerns about her welfare he will escalate.

 

[Desperatejan23]

Hello @Desperatejan23 and welcome to Talking Point.

Please contact your GP. The GP probably wont be able to talk to you about your husband, but can listen. You can also write a letter or email (which might be better) explaining your concerns about your husband and also about your own problems as a result of this. The GP needs to know what is going on.

Thankyou, I'm currently waiting for a call from my doctor. Been waiting all day, my nerves are in shreds!

 

[canary]

They will have to be very slowly coaxed into accepting such a diagnosis. It takes work, time and a lot of persistence!

And not everyone with dementia will accept it even then - my mum never accepted that she had dementia.

 

[MartinWL]

ask her to ring the doctor. Her welfare seems to be the priority here. If the doctor has concerns about her welfare he will escalate.

Has anyone ever tried ringing a GP and got through? Practically impossible now. The only thing to do is write a letter.

 

[Nora12]

Has anyone ever tried ringing a GP and got through? Practically impossible now. The only thing to do is write a letter.

Yes I rang and spoke to receptionist I said I know you cant talk to me but I need you to listen please and let dr know, I got quite tearful as my emotions took over. They listened and dr had my step dad in for a well man check , here they involved memory clinic. It is worth trying even speak to receptionist to pass on to Dr.