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Looking after my uncle with Dementia


New member
Feb 27, 2021
My uncle is 87 and lives on his own, he has carers going in three times a day. He has no other family except me and I try my best to see him 5 to 6 times a week. His dementia seems to of got worse over the past few weeks, with him hearing voices and seeing people that are not there and shouting. The carers now come in pairs because they are scared of him. He has a little jack russell dog which he loves and is great company for him but the socal worker and mental health nurse involved wants me to take the dog away because they are saying he can,t look after it but I know if I do that then he will hate me and not want me to go down anymore. He used to have a cat and it died of old age and he blamed his neighbour for killing it and now he hates her.
There is a time when he will have to go into a care home but I don,t have the power do or say that. I have asked him if he would like me to find somewhere but he point blank refuses to go into a care home and starts to get angry and frustrated with me if I ask. He will not let me take him to hospital for appointments now because he thinks I am taking him away from his bungalow and putting him in a care home.
My sister passed away a few weeks ago and I am really finding this hard to cope with but I know I have to keep going strong for him but I am struggling juggling my business (I am self emplyed) and looking after him at the same time and I feel so guilty sometimes.


Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
N Ireland
Hello and welcome @iewood2468

Don't feel guilty as it sounds like you are doing a good job.

Asking a person with dementia about care needs will always be answered with a default 'no'. Some people stop asking and just make arrangements that they carry out with only last minute notice to their loved one. I persuade my wife to accept things by saying that it's me who needs the help so that we can stay together.

I don't know what to do about the pet but maybe others will be along with advice.

If there has been a sudden deterioration maybe an infection like a UTI is at play and it would be an idea to have a check made for that. Infections can cause havoc but can be cured.


Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
Hi @iewood2468 and welcome to Dementia Talking Point @karaokePete has a good point about it being worth having your uncle checked out with the GP in case he has some sort of infection. They can really cause someone with dementia to decline suddenly. However it could just be the progression of his dementia. It may be worth talking to social service as to whether three care visits a day is now enough and whether a care home needs to be considered. I know your uncle doesn't want to move to one, but sometimes it is the best solution. If it comes from the social workers you could maybe still keep him onside.
As for his pet, you could call the RSPCA but that would probably be the nuclear option.
You have a lot on your plate, with your business and the grief surrounding your sister's death. Don't try to take on any more than you can manage, as calling in most days seems like a lot already.


Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
Ok so this will be controversial but I make the point that the welfare of a human is priority over the welfare of a dog. If the dog helps your uncle and removing it would distress him, it should stay. Of course do your best to look after the dog as well, I wonder if a volunteer dog walker might be found? There might be a teenager somewhere who would love to get out of the home to walk someone else's dog. Could carers ensure the dog gets fed?

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