Looking after a dog

[Cjoy]

Hi
My mum has dementia and lives on her own. She currently has a dog, but it has recently become clear that she is no longer able to care for it properly.
Can anyone offer advice? I cannot look after the dog myself.
Is there a way to gently suggest my mum can't look after the dog?
Would it be kinder to take the dog away and say something had happened to it?
does anyone know the options for getting a dog re-homed (I live in Scotland)
Thanks

 

[Beate]

Wouldn't it be better to get carers in who look after the dog as well? Or at least pay someone to take it for walks and bathe it now and then? Make sure the dog has food? Any pet can be an invaluable companion, and I would be loathe to just take it off your mother.

 

[Sirena]

I agree with Beate, if possible I would support your mother to keep the dog. By the time my mother was unable to look after her cat properly she needed daily help for herself too. I organised carers who also did anything which was needed for the cat, including vet trips and ensuring the right food was given in sensible quantities.

However the carer was only prepared to do that because my mother's care was self-funded, so they would do whatever was needed to keep my mother safe and happy. Social Services carers will not do any dog care, so you would need to pay someone separately for that.

My mother was devoted to her cat, he was the most important thing in her life, I could never have taken him away - I was always afraid of him dying as she would have been distraught. In the end, my mother had to move to a care home and it was at that point she was parted from the cat, who I rehomed with another lady through a rescue organisation.

 

[Cjoy]

My mum is totally unaccepting of pretty much any help. She doesn't even like my daughter to take the dog for a walk. My mum has carers in 4x a day. They are supposed to prepare food for her, and she won't let them do anything. She sends them away. It just seems that the more she needs help the more she pushes it away. So although I could probably get someone to "help" with the dog, I don't think my mum would let them.

 

[Sirena]

That is difficult. What would happen if someone came to do it and did not ask her or discuss it, just walked in cheerfully and treated it as if it was already agreed, gave the dog a big fuss and then went ahead? There is often difficulty getting a PWD to agree to things, but if you just go ahead it can (sometimes) work better. There may be initial protests but she may come to accept it.

Edit - you could speak to the Cinnamon Trust. They may be able to help, either by supporting your mother or by taking the dog.

https://cinnamon.org.uk/cinnamon-trust/

 

[Cjoy]

This was definitely one of the hardest things I’ve had to do so far. Mum was not able to look after the dog and completely refused to let someone come and walk and feed the dog. I made 2 attempts where I pussyfooted about and the dog went back to mum. Then I tried being decisive. Took the dog away when mum was out and removed every single bit of dog paraphernalia. Although mum was initially aggressive and upset, I did not get into a discussion or try to reason. I just kept repeating the same phrase, the dog can’t stay with you anymore. Actually my mum took in much better than I thought she would. And now she doesn’t always remember having a dog.
The guilt and angst are my constant companions.

 

[canary]

Im sorry it came to that, but if she wasnt able to look after it herself and wouldnt allow anyone else to either, then it was the only way.

Please ditch the guilt and angst - it would have been worse if you had knowingly allowed the dog to be neglected.
xx

 

[Sirena]

None of us want to make these decisions for our parents, but you know you did the right thing. I found it surprising how quickly my mother seemed to forget about her cat, I would not have predicted that. As Canary says, try to ditch the the guilt.