• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can now be found in our new area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Look for Different Care Home?


Registered User
Jan 23, 2015
My poor mother developed dementia very fast, ended up in hospital with heart problems (muddled her tablets?) and was discharged to a care home. This happened all in a rush. She was miserable, confused and hallucinating in hospital so we were anxious to get her out. She didn't feel she could cope at home on her own - neither did I. The only home taking dementia patients in our town had a space, so we had a quick look and arranged a "trial" placement. She hates it, but still doesn't want to be home on her own. I'm not sure whether to assume she'd hate any care home, or start to have a better look at homes in the area but not so close.
Advantages to the place she is in - 1. It is very close. I can visit easily and so can those of my kids who do not have cars. 2. The staff are very caring - don't take quite so much to the managers, but the care staff are lovely. 3. It's a nice modern building, clean and regularly refurbished. 4. Although not a nursing home, the part caring for those further on with dementia tries to keep them till the end. They have a good relationship with the local district nurses and together usually manage to make it work.
My mother doesn't like 1.The room is too small - it's really not bad, and there are bigger ones we could ask for. 2. She doesn't like the food. Again it's not too bad, but lunch is soup and sandwiches and there's no choice of bread - only white and my jaw dropped when she asked for coffee instead of tea and it was made by putting two spoonfuls in a small cup, and topping it up with tea! 3. There's no one to talk to - they're all "barmy". She's not always that sensible herself, but, since coming out of hospital does know who and where she is.
I have the following problems 1. Very few activities. 2. She was admitted fast (which we wanted), but since the assessment no one has sat down and talked things through with me. I haven't seen her care plan although I know one has been written. 3.Shifts don't pick up messages from the ones before. My mum was really constipated. We had promises every day for a week that she'd have prunes to try to help. They even had it written on a notice board one day but nothing happened until she got so bad she started making a mess trying to sort it out herself! 4.Silly little things - I'm still doing her washing. I was asked if we wanted them to do it, said yes please, but ended up taking it when she was running out of clothes. She had a very little bit of money when discharged from hospital (just to keep her happy), as they'd left it with her I assumed it was ok and put in an extra £20 so she could pay the hairdresser (yes, I'm very very new to this). It disappeared and the care home said I should have given it in - why hadn't they told me? I'm not really sure, but I think my mum may have given it to staff as tips! (At the start she thought it was a hotel).

So, should I start researching other care homes? I'm visiting every day and she says she couldn't cope if I didn't. I probably wouldn't manage that if she was a bit further away. We're not talking about anything very far, but I'm trying to juggle a lot of things at the moment. She's safe and comfortable where she is, but should life offer more? She's miserable but also bored. She has a television in her room, but can't operate the remote control. I quite like the pattern we've settled in to where I visit in the afternoon, and, when she can, my youngest meets me there after school and says hello.

Long post, I'm sorry, but I keep going through the pros and cons in my head and it helps to write it out.


Registered User
May 21, 2014
I'd say look at other care homes. It can't do any harm to see what else would be available. And if you found one with more activities, you wouldn't have to visit every day as she'd be busy! The care home should be a relief for you as well, so what good is it if you basically have to do their job of entertaining and washing clothes! Care homes are expensive enough, so I'd say take them to task or find somewhere else. It's horrible to leave people bored.

Members online

No members online now.

Forum statistics

Latest member