Hi ..first time..I am living in a long goodbye situation. My hubby has been in the home for 15 months now. I also go 4 times a week. I live close by. He is only 70 , he had a brain injury at 41. They tell me that his dementia doesn't follow any rules because of the brain injury. He has almost died 4 times since summer. I have sit by his bed and felt him dying and some how he manages to keep coming back from the edge. At first I thought I was lonely in the house but after awhile I realized I am going through the 7 stages of grief. I feel all kinds of strange feelings. When people die at the home, it is like I am jealous, I think they don't have to suffer any more. I try not to think about my life , or that I live around my routine of going to the nursing home. My husband is very bad, in late stage , he is in a wheelchair and diapers , he can't see much or use his hands, or words when he speaks. He lost his ability to understand conversations and answer me back more then 2 years ago. That was really when I noticed I no longer had him and started missing him even while he was still at home with me. I live with 100's of memories. They are my company. I do not like crying , I would rather be happy, but the more I try to happy, the sadder I feel. I am looking for things I can read or do that will help me deal with this long good bye. How do you get over losing someone when they are still there?