@Rossettastone57 It would help me to know a bit more if thats ok? we are in a similar situation MIL at home, ok with routine and us supporting much as you did in the early days, not wanting to go into a home. She'll be great at home for now with some additional support. I am curious, looking back what would you have said the point was on balance that care home was better than own home?
Hi
@Lyd I will give you a bit more background to the sort of thing that my husband and I were dealing with. My husband at the time was working full-time and I was semi retired and as I have said previously we had no one else to help us other than the care agency.
My mother-in-law had mixed dementia but things started to really deteriorate about 6 to 8 months before she actually went into a care home. She began not to recognise us nor her familiar everyday carers . By this time she had also refused personal care for a number of years not allowing the carers to do anything other than wash her back in fact her hair had not been washed for 5 years ....yes you read that right. She could wash herself of sorts and as she didn't smell I didn't fret too much about it.
It was about the 6 months before she became ill and went into a care home that I had a discussion with my husband about the way forward with her. He recognised that she needed more support possibly in a care home . As she refused to go and in fact refused to go out of the house we would have had to dupe her in some way to get into a care home. My husband was not prepared to do this and of course my mother-in-law thought throughout all of this that there was nothing wrong with her.
In July last year the GP after a routine home visit to my mother-in-law organised a case conference with other health professionals about how to support her. My mother-in-law had become ill at that point with diarrhoea in her own home which the carers and us were having to clean up as she couldn't reach the toilet in time. Due to her symptoms the GP thought that there was a strong possibility that she might have something more serious other than simple sickness and diarrhoea.
In fact shortly after that visit she was admitted to hospital with severe dehydration after the carers found her in bed not responding very well. She was admitted to hospital with an infection and rehydrated she was discharged shortly afterwards and we organised an enhanced care package . Unfortunately the following day after her discharge she fell three times at home and we then realised that she could no longer cope at home on her own . One of the main tipping points was that she was unable to remember where her bathroom was in her own home that she had been living in for 10 years. Her cognitive decline was very steep after her hospital stay. She was readmitted to hospital and in the seven days that she was there we ran around trying to find a place for her in a care home which we did finally.
So the answer to your question is we were placed in a crisis situation although we have recognised well before that there were several tipping points . Firstly the inability to recognise family members the fact that she needed prompting to do everything even to drink glass of water. It isn't when the carers are there it's when the carers aren't there and in particular overnight was an issue. We decided that she was no longer safe in her own home her level of paranoia anxiety was greatly heightened she was vulnerable and she needed a team of people to look after her. She was also a high falls risk.
She lasted 6 weeks in the home and then peacefully passed away she was 93 years old. I think everyone has a different tipping point as to what they think is acceptable to be still in their own home or to move to a care home . Every carer or family has a different view . The decision we made for my mother-in-law was the best one for her and for us as a family it was the right decision and we don't regret it