1. christmas

    christmas Registered User

    Apr 27, 2014
    206
    Leicestershire
    Hi am so lonely and fedup Peter won't do anything we just sit here all day he is in bed all the time just comes down for lunch and then he is back in bed I want to take
    him to the support cafe's but I just can't get him to go . I go to my sister's for coffee for 1hour then I get back I don't like leaving him for to long if he gets up when I am not there we'll I can't go in to things he does it would take to long. My children are at work so I can't get them to come my lady Carol who comes from the clinic has been ill she was going to try and get him in the day centre but I have not seen her for weeks I know I should do more and there is people out there that can help but have never had to do everything myself Peter always did everything and I did used to tell him to let me sort thing but he never did ,I need to get him assist but we have never had anything to do with the social oh I am just rambling on I so fedup I don't care anymore when I have finished crying I might feel better Christmas x
     
  2. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    8,093
    Yorkshire
    Oh Christmas, what a heartfelt message. It must be so tricky to be left to do all the tasks yourself when you're not sure where to begin, frustrating and confusing.
    May I suggest you go and have a chat with your own GP, not about your husband's condition as such, instead about how your feel right now and how you badly need some help. Maybe start by copying out your post and showing the GP.
    Your children may work and so not be available during the day, I understand that. However, have them round for tea and chat over how you are feeling, they probably haven't realised how you are - and no doubt you've been the lovely mother who says she's fine when she's not. Well, I am a daughter of parents who were like that, and I was so relieved when they did ask for help, and actually it felt like a real compliment.
    As for the Social Services or Adult care - hopefully your GP may make a referral, ask for one; or your children may be able to make the first contact for you. There will be a number and address on your Local Authority website, and no doubt an e-mail address - try it. You certainly have a right to have your husband's needs assessed and to ask for a carer's assessment for yourself. Then hopefully they will offer you some care visits at home - PLEASE do accept, I know it's awkward to have other people in your home but it will take some of the strain from you. And there may be some respite available so that you can have some time at home to yourself knowing your husband is well taken care of.
    Ramble on here ANY TIME, that's what TP is here for. :)
     
  3. christmas

    christmas Registered User

    Apr 27, 2014
    206
    Leicestershire
    . Thank you for your help I will go and talk to the doctor now because i do not think I am coping to well x
     
  4. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    8,093
    Yorkshire
    Good for you - and come back and let us know how it goes.
    I'm thinking of you.
     
  5. dollydee

    dollydee Registered User

    May 9, 2015
    16
    Burnley
    I am in same emotional state

    Dearest Christmas
    I feel your pain and loneliness. My husband gets up at 9 and then sits in his chair till bedtime. He also shows no interest in going out, either shopping, for coffee, or to a group. I also have some difficulty in persuading him to shower and shave. My son does call in after work, but only for a brew and chat. My daughter told me I was being a drama queen when I had a meltdown last Monday. Not seen her since. His children don't call or visit. BUT, as has been suggested to you, I went to my GP, and she immediately told me to contact a local hospice where they help carers. I took he advice and two days later had a short session with a lovely lady who encouraged me to take advantage of their help. I'm booked in for my first session soon. They also do free homeopathic treatments, and a carers group where one can chat with other people in the same position. I was also given advice on our rights, and i am now awaiting attendance allowance, and community nurse visits. I have to get up every 2 and a half hours during this night as my husband also has a colostomy bag after cancer surgery. My husbands oncologist, neurologist and GP have all said I should have spoken sooner, it is too much for one person to cope with without a breakdown it sounds as if you are already there. There is no magic solution, but a little support does help.
     
  6. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    Christmas I think that is a really good idea to go to your GP, I really hope that she can give you some help. I'm so sorry you are in this situation xxxx There is lots of support and friendship on here so do keep coming and let us know how you get on.
    There is one more thing - if you give social services adult care duty desk a ring and ask for a carers assessment they should give you a few hours a week (free) when a sitter comes in which will allow you to go out for a morning or a couple of hours without worrying - we had six hours a week. and if you can join your local carers organisation - they usually have a carers cafe where you can get a coffee and have a chat with others but they also have events and they will arrange someone to sit with your husband while you attend.

    Look forward to hearing how you get on at GP
     
  7. Williamjacko

    Williamjacko Registered User

    Nov 21, 2015
    1
    Hi, best advice is to go and speak to your GP who will be able to point you in the direction of people that will be able to help and certainly a private or even council carers that will be able to help. Good luck :)
     

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