Lonely

[Windy28]

I am struggling to cope with my OH in these uncertain times. Just lately he seems to be getting more and more angry at being home all day. I do feel safe but then his mood changes and he gets very angry for no reason.

Because of the coronavirus no one is visiting us and we can't get out. It is a very long day with no one to properly talk to. And it is only week two.

 

[Cat27]

@Windy28 please ring the police if you feel you aren’t safe.

 

[kindred]

I am struggling to cope with my OH in these uncertain times. Just lately he seems to be getting more and more angry at being home all day. I do feel safe but then his mood changes and he gets very angry for no reason.

Because of the coronavirus no one is visiting us and we can't get out. It is a very long day with no one to properly talk to. And it is only week two.

Talk to us. And keep safe. I found the police very kind, I know it goes against the grain to call them but believe me they are used to it.
When I had to, one of them said to me, you arent alone and I asked him what he meant and he said they had dozens of calls every week, sometimes every night from people in my small area alone. Folk trying to cope with their loved ones who have dementia.
Keep talking to us. Warmest, kindredx

 

[Shedrech]

hi @Windy28
might you email your OH's GP, describe your circumstances and ask if his meds can be tweaked or something introduced to help your OH be more settled as it's not good for him to be so anxious/angry ... at least that will flag up ypur concerns with the GP

are you in a group advised to stay home ... otherwise maybe go for a walk each day, alone if your husband is safe to be left for a short while

there are some ways to make phone contact, maybe check some out so you have someone to talk with

Using our friendship telephone service | Age UK

Thousands of older people have made lasting friendships, or simply enjoyed a chat when they wanted one, through our free telephone friendship service and the Silver Line helpline.

www.ageuk.org.uk

Who we are | The Silver Line Helpline

Learn more about The Silver Line Helpline and how our 24-hour helpline offers friendship, conversation and support to those who need it.

www.thesilverline.org.uk

and have a look online for your local vulunteer hub, maybe on your Local Authority's website
there's the Dementia Connect support line too

Dementia Support Line

If you need dementia support, we’re here for you. Get personalised information, support and advice by calling us on 0333 150 3456.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

you may have come across this before, something in it may help

Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired

The following piece was posted a while ago on DSF and made a big impression on me. It is something I have referred to time after time and tried hard to follow. We have many new members who may not have seen it before. Yesterday I posted it on another Thread but thought it might be helpful if...

forum.alzheimers.org.uk

keep posting, there's usually someone online here to have a virtual chat with

 

[Windy28]

Talk to us. And keep safe. I found the police very kind, I know it goes against the grain to call them but believe me they are used to it.
When I had to, one of them said to me, you arent alone and I asked him what he meant and he said they had dozens of calls every week, sometimes every night from people in my small area alone. Folk trying to cope with their loved ones who have dementia.
Keep talking to us. Warmest, kindredx

Thank you for your kind words. I don't want to call them because you know, I can't undo what would happen next. How could I tell my daughters I had called the police on him. It has to get worse doesn't it, before I can call them. He is ill afterall.

 

[Windy28]

hi @Windy28
might you email your OH's GP, describe your circumstances and ask if his meds can be tweaked or something introduced to help your OH be more settled as it's not good for him to be so anxious/angry ... at least that will flag up ypur concerns with the GP

are you in a group advised to stay home ... otherwise maybe go for a walk each day, alone if your husband is safe to be left for a short while

there are some ways to make phone contact, maybe check some out so you have someone to talk with

Using our friendship telephone service | Age UK

Thousands of older people have made lasting friendships, or simply enjoyed a chat when they wanted one, through our free telephone friendship service and the Silver Line helpline.

www.ageuk.org.uk

Who we are | The Silver Line Helpline

Learn more about The Silver Line Helpline and how our 24-hour helpline offers friendship, conversation and support to those who need it.

www.thesilverline.org.uk

and have a look online for your local vulunteer hub, maybe on your Local Authority's website
there's the Dementia Connect support line too

Dementia Support Line

If you need dementia support, we’re here for you. Get personalised information, support and advice by calling us on 0333 150 3456.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

you may have come across this before, something in it may help

Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired

The following piece was posted a while ago on DSF and made a big impression on me. It is something I have referred to time after time and tried hard to follow. We have many new members who may not have seen it before. Yesterday I posted it on another Thread but thought it might be helpful if...

forum.alzheimers.org.uk

keep posting, there's usually someone online here to have a virtual chat with

thank you, I have been looking at these websites today.

 

[Shedrech]

Hi @Windy28
It has to be down to you to choose what you do
Just please consider, how you might tell your daughters what is going on so they can support you... as a daughter I wanted to be able to help and for my parents to know they could call on me
If it should happen that you are injured because of how dementia affects your husband, how is that easier to tell them... and how could you care for him then
Your husband is ill but you have a right to be safe in your home
End of nag

 

[Windy28]

We are in the group advised to stay home. My OH is over 70 and I had a heart attack about 6 years ago and have respiratory problems due to Asthma.

My husbands condition is only 2 years old, so it is new to both of us. I am still coming to terms with all these changes, to him, our lives and to me. Most of the time he is still there, still my husband. When he is very angry, he is confused isn't he? He doesn't mean to hurt me.

I can't tell my daughters that: a) they wouldn't believe me b) he is different when they come over, like his old self. c) I would be consumed with guilt.

 

[imthedaughter]

We are in the group advised to stay home. My OH is over 70 and I had a heart attack about 6 years ago and have respiratory problems due to Asthma.

My husbands condition is only 2 years old, so it is new to both of us. I am still coming to terms with all these changes, to him, our lives and to me. Most of the time he is still there, still my husband. When he is very angry, he is confused isn't he? He doesn't mean to hurt me.

I can't tell my daughters that: a) they wouldn't believe me b) he is different when they come over, like his old self. c) I would be consumed with guilt.

I think your daughters would understand, if you explain you were afraid you would be hurt (again? Sounds like this is already happening?). Please don't let that thought stand in the way of you seeking help when you need it. I am a daughter and I have managed to cope with many changes in my parents. Yours can too.

 

[Windy28]

I think your daughters would understand, if you explain you were afraid you would be hurt (again? Sounds like this is already happening?). Please don't let that thought stand in the way of you seeking help when you need it. I am a daughter and I have managed to cope with many changes in my parents. Yours can too.

I just don't want to worry them, it's not my way.

 

[Shedrech]

Hi @Windy28
I can only tell you my feelings about my parents, who also never wanted to bother me
I was already worried as I felt something wasn't right.. I was angry in a way that they didn't think me grown-up enough to speak out to and hadn't reached out sooner... Then very relieved and only too glad I could help.. Being open meant I could begin to understand how things really were so I could give useful support ... later I was humbled at how much trust my dad put in me... a proud man he accepted personal care and I believe trusted me to be there for him right to the end
Our relationship grew closer and being able to help made me a better person
Not everyone reacts as I did, I know... maybe give your children the opportunity to be there for you as you are there for them
My mum and dad would do anything for me, it was a privilege to do something for them