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Lonely

Windy28

Registered User
Jan 8, 2020
97
I am struggling to cope with my OH in these uncertain times. Just lately he seems to be getting more and more angry at being home all day. I do feel safe but then his mood changes and he gets very angry for no reason.

Because of the coronavirus no one is visiting us and we can't get out. It is a very long day with no one to properly talk to. And it is only week two.
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,508
I am struggling to cope with my OH in these uncertain times. Just lately he seems to be getting more and more angry at being home all day. I do feel safe but then his mood changes and he gets very angry for no reason.

Because of the coronavirus no one is visiting us and we can't get out. It is a very long day with no one to properly talk to. And it is only week two.
Talk to us. And keep safe. I found the police very kind, I know it goes against the grain to call them but believe me they are used to it.
When I had to, one of them said to me, you arent alone and I asked him what he meant and he said they had dozens of calls every week, sometimes every night from people in my small area alone. Folk trying to cope with their loved ones who have dementia.
Keep talking to us. Warmest, kindredx
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,307
Yorkshire
hi @Windy28
might you email your OH's GP, describe your circumstances and ask if his meds can be tweaked or something introduced to help your OH be more settled as it's not good for him to be so anxious/angry ... at least that will flag up ypur concerns with the GP

are you in a group advised to stay home ... otherwise maybe go for a walk each day, alone if your husband is safe to be left for a short while

there are some ways to make phone contact, maybe check some out so you have someone to talk with
and have a look online for your local vulunteer hub, maybe on your Local Authority's website
there's the Dementia Connect support line too

you may have come across this before, something in it may help

keep posting, there's usually someone online here to have a virtual chat with
 

Windy28

Registered User
Jan 8, 2020
97
Talk to us. And keep safe. I found the police very kind, I know it goes against the grain to call them but believe me they are used to it.
When I had to, one of them said to me, you arent alone and I asked him what he meant and he said they had dozens of calls every week, sometimes every night from people in my small area alone. Folk trying to cope with their loved ones who have dementia.
Keep talking to us. Warmest, kindredx
Thank you for your kind words. I don't want to call them because you know, I can't undo what would happen next. How could I tell my daughters I had called the police on him. It has to get worse doesn't it, before I can call them. He is ill afterall.
 

Windy28

Registered User
Jan 8, 2020
97
hi @Windy28
might you email your OH's GP, describe your circumstances and ask if his meds can be tweaked or something introduced to help your OH be more settled as it's not good for him to be so anxious/angry ... at least that will flag up ypur concerns with the GP

are you in a group advised to stay home ... otherwise maybe go for a walk each day, alone if your husband is safe to be left for a short while

there are some ways to make phone contact, maybe check some out so you have someone to talk with
and have a look online for your local vulunteer hub, maybe on your Local Authority's website
there's the Dementia Connect support line too

you may have come across this before, something in it may help

keep posting, there's usually someone online here to have a virtual chat with
thank you, I have been looking at these websites today.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,307
Yorkshire
Hi @Windy28
It has to be down to you to choose what you do
Just please consider, how you might tell your daughters what is going on so they can support you... as a daughter I wanted to be able to help and for my parents to know they could call on me
If it should happen that you are injured because of how dementia affects your husband, how is that easier to tell them... and how could you care for him then
Your husband is ill but you have a right to be safe in your home
End of nag
 

Windy28

Registered User
Jan 8, 2020
97
We are in the group advised to stay home. My OH is over 70 and I had a heart attack about 6 years ago and have respiratory problems due to Asthma.

My husbands condition is only 2 years old, so it is new to both of us. I am still coming to terms with all these changes, to him, our lives and to me. Most of the time he is still there, still my husband. When he is very angry, he is confused isn't he? He doesn't mean to hurt me.

I can't tell my daughters that: a) they wouldn't believe me b) he is different when they come over, like his old self. c) I would be consumed with guilt.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
507
We are in the group advised to stay home. My OH is over 70 and I had a heart attack about 6 years ago and have respiratory problems due to Asthma.

My husbands condition is only 2 years old, so it is new to both of us. I am still coming to terms with all these changes, to him, our lives and to me. Most of the time he is still there, still my husband. When he is very angry, he is confused isn't he? He doesn't mean to hurt me.

I can't tell my daughters that: a) they wouldn't believe me b) he is different when they come over, like his old self. c) I would be consumed with guilt.
I think your daughters would understand, if you explain you were afraid you would be hurt (again? Sounds like this is already happening?). Please don't let that thought stand in the way of you seeking help when you need it. I am a daughter and I have managed to cope with many changes in my parents. Yours can too.
 

Windy28

Registered User
Jan 8, 2020
97
I think your daughters would understand, if you explain you were afraid you would be hurt (again? Sounds like this is already happening?). Please don't let that thought stand in the way of you seeking help when you need it. I am a daughter and I have managed to cope with many changes in my parents. Yours can too.
I just don't want to worry them, it's not my way.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,307
Yorkshire
Hi @Windy28
I can only tell you my feelings about my parents, who also never wanted to bother me
I was already worried as I felt something wasn't right.. I was angry in a way that they didn't think me grown-up enough to speak out to and hadn't reached out sooner... Then very relieved and only too glad I could help.. Being open meant I could begin to understand how things really were so I could give useful support ... later I was humbled at how much trust my dad put in me... a proud man he accepted personal care and I believe trusted me to be there for him right to the end
Our relationship grew closer and being able to help made me a better person
Not everyone reacts as I did, I know... maybe give your children the opportunity to be there for you as you are there for them
My mum and dad would do anything for me, it was a privilege to do something for them