lonely mum

[annii1]

It breaks my heart that mum says she is lonely in carehome. We would visit every day but that unsettles mum greatly. She is becoming frail and shuffling, losing words. Dad does take mum out and sometimes she has been well enough to enjoy this even though not quite sure if she realises it is dad but even so she enjoys her "date" which has been lovely. But after 2 utis she is now unsettled again and saying she is lonely, and crying when we visit.
She is generally more settled at carehome and they know mum now. They give her jobs, but I think now she is frailer she wanders round more with little aim to her life. Oh dear, I wish I could do more without unsettling mum but more visits do just that. I feel quite helpless as to what to do.

 

[sunray]

It is hard to know what to do sometimes and we all hate that helpless feeling. But that is what we are a lot of the time, unable to help, unable to take away the pain. All we can do in our loved ones last months and years is to make sure they are looked after, clothed, fed, have a comfortable bed etc. I am assuming she is on an antidepressant and with treatment for the UTIs? That and making sure she has plenty to keep her busy will help.

 

[kaycee30]

Im sure you're aware UTIs will unsettle mum more than usual.
Have you considered cresting a memory book with her, good use for reminiscence too.
hope this helps x

 

[toosad]

It breaks my heart that mum says she is lonely in carehome. We would visit every day but that unsettles mum greatly. She is becoming frail and shuffling, losing words. Dad does take mum out and sometimes she has been well enough to enjoy this even though not quite sure if she realises it is dad but even so she enjoys her "date" which has been lovely. But after 2 utis she is now unsettled again and saying she is lonely, and crying when we visit.
She is generally more settled at carehome and they know mum now. They give her jobs, but I think now she is frailer she wanders round more with little aim to her life. Oh dear, I wish I could do more without unsettling mum but more visits do just that. I feel quite helpless as to what to do.

My mum is 93 yrs old, suffers from Alzheimers disease and has been in her nursing home for over 2 years. She complains of loneliness at times, particularly when she hasn't been engaged in any activity for hours on end. I think that the morphine in her system (to ease pain from a back injury) can mask other pain, eg, gallstones, blisters on her feet, a weeping rash on her side which returns at intervals. Those events cause her to be very unsettled and weeping a lot when I visit. Once those issues have been found and dealt with by the nursing staff, mum starts to settle again. Uti's also cause mum extreme confusion and I keep my visit short during those times, to enable her to rest and get well. I find that visiting every day causes her to want home with family more than usual, so the family try to have a gap of one or two days between visits to allow her to rest and engage with the care staff. Its a long sad road for us but mum's memory has her not knowing how long it has been since her last visit. Also, I find that if I take mum a walk up and down the corridor of the nursing home, her depression slowly leaves her, then we have a cuppa and read a magazine each. I console myself with the thought that the nursing home is a blessing and a necessity for my mum. Hope my story helps ease your worries a bit.

 

[kenaidog]

How far in this disease is your mum? I assume she must be quite far on if she is losing speach? I know she may say she is lonely but you know i think its a thing that she may have fixated on. my mother used to say the same but then she was so confused and most of the time got mixed up to who i even was and she couldnt remember me even visiting anyway. My mother often repeats help me over and over again, i can sit and cuddle her and she will still be saying it. I hope you can see what i mean when im telling you this.
There is a new woman who has joined everyone at my mothers home and she is the most lucid in there, she can walk around freely, feed her self and communicate like everyone else, I think she must wander and thats will be why she is in there.What im saying is, i can see that woman being lonely as she is so much still here and she can fully express her own emotions.I think they get so stuck in a time in there mind that maybe something is the only thing on there mind if you can see what i mean, Like my father in law is fixated with me cooking dinner for him. He forgets stuff but does not forget the dinners he has had here. At first when i went to see my mother it upset her a lot too and me of course and they would tell me , dont feel like you have to come every day you know, they know we all have lives too, so you do your best. What i found was it was best not to say you were going when it was time to leave, so maybe try that . Hope that helps you and her!