Hi, as a new member I would really appreciate the wisdom and experience of anyone out there. My hubby and I care for our 80 year old father/father-in-law who has dementia. He lives about 5 minutes from us and with the support of carers, meals on wheels etc., we have cared for him for the last 3 years.
His health is now badly failing and although one of us goes into see him for a last visit each evening he is left alone from around 8.30 pm until next morning. We are worried sick that he will injure himself in the night and feel that he would no longer now be in a fit state to ring us (we had set up a quick dial button on his phone for this purpose).
The thing is, he refuses to go into a home, which up until now is something we have respected. He had a dreadful experience with his own mother when she was in a home and always pleaded with us to keep him in his own environment. He is very strong willed, truculent and sometimes difficult to manage but we want to do our best for him.
We are stuck about what to do. We know very little about what to do in this situation. We don't want to force him into anything but worry about the consequences of non action. We both work full time and have children still needing us, plus university fees to pay in the not too distant future so I cannot give up work. Dad has refused to go into respite care so we have not had a holiday for the last three years. I also worry about my husband who shoulders the burden of dad's care and presently look 10 years older than he should. I do all his cleaning, shopping, admin etc. but dad only wants his son deal with his personal care. My husband is an only one.
What do we do? If we somehow arrange a care home we know he will escape (he escaped 9 times from hospital on one stay due to ill health, because he wanted to go home). If we leave him at home something serious could happen.
Any thoughts would be appreciated. Sorry if I have gone on a bit but this is weighing heavily on my mind at present. Regards. Lizzie K
His health is now badly failing and although one of us goes into see him for a last visit each evening he is left alone from around 8.30 pm until next morning. We are worried sick that he will injure himself in the night and feel that he would no longer now be in a fit state to ring us (we had set up a quick dial button on his phone for this purpose).
The thing is, he refuses to go into a home, which up until now is something we have respected. He had a dreadful experience with his own mother when she was in a home and always pleaded with us to keep him in his own environment. He is very strong willed, truculent and sometimes difficult to manage but we want to do our best for him.
We are stuck about what to do. We know very little about what to do in this situation. We don't want to force him into anything but worry about the consequences of non action. We both work full time and have children still needing us, plus university fees to pay in the not too distant future so I cannot give up work. Dad has refused to go into respite care so we have not had a holiday for the last three years. I also worry about my husband who shoulders the burden of dad's care and presently look 10 years older than he should. I do all his cleaning, shopping, admin etc. but dad only wants his son deal with his personal care. My husband is an only one.
What do we do? If we somehow arrange a care home we know he will escape (he escaped 9 times from hospital on one stay due to ill health, because he wanted to go home). If we leave him at home something serious could happen.
Any thoughts would be appreciated. Sorry if I have gone on a bit but this is weighing heavily on my mind at present. Regards. Lizzie K
