Oh dear - this is all so very sad. All your comments ring true. Dementia is a diagnosis for us all. My m 85yr old other is in total denial. Still thinks that her diagnosis is a "possibility" but "how thankful I haven't got it yet". Constant battles, constant rages then tears that dry up as quickly as they appear, often very agitated, no real conversation - all health related or constant questions asking what we have seen to make us think there is anything wrong with her. Thinks we have colluded with the doctors (especially me as her daughter). When for the 100th time I remain silent (or I would explode) then the school-teacher behaviour surfaces with anger, forcing me to answer - so I lie!
Won't accept help, fights with my father, calls him a liar daily as her recollection of things is different to hers. She has always been tricky but dementia making these traits so much worse.
I am being totally blunt but returned from a horrific weekend with our "oldies" (as we affectionately have called them for years) and I'm a mixture of anger, restatement and great sadness. I can see what would help, and give both my mother and elderly father a much better quality of live (any quality of live actually) but my mother goes off the deep end if I even suggest food help; social interaction/company etc ...... We have privately engaged a retired trained nurse administering her medication daily since last May 2020 (I do it at weekends) but my mother still maintains she is more than capable of doing all this herself; she most certainly isn't as overdosed last May, day in hospital, no harm done but help obviously needed. Also medication must be kept off site as she thinks they are being stolen. All very real to her, as are her clothes being taken ..... etc etc etc .....
It is the most awful, depressing; debilitating environment which despite many suggestions of happy activities, lots of encouragement and masses of love and care, is falling on deaf ears and worse than pushing water up hill as my mother will not have non of it, very stubborn, thinks she knows best - but still complains endlessly of every ailment on the planet (which she has actually done for as long as I can remember so finding it hard to find the much needed sympathy and empathy now that she really needs it ).
Lockdown, their savings over the threshold and only being on the brink of additional help required is preventing any outside, professional help. We are having to work through all this fog by the seat of our pants and enjoy the good moments (getting fewer) and wanting to run away permanently when bad. Selfish I know but just being honest. I hate it all. And there are many more going through much, much worse.
My thoughts and very best wishes are sent to you all going through this hell with us. This forum is a life -saver and reminds me we're not alone. Thank you hugely. You make a real difference to our mental wellbeing as we all learn to cope with this horrible disease.