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Living with a diagnosis under Covid Rules

KathMB

New member
Sep 22, 2020
1
Our lives have turned upside down since March - even with the lockdown my parents in law were ok .. ticking along as late 70 year olds do. We'd asked them to stop shopping and my father in law ( FIL) to stop attending his computer lessons / meetings which were stopped. They listened and followed the guidelines but over the next few months the cracks began to show. FIL was very grumpy, erratic and shouty at MIL and son / grandchildren. MIL would say we've fallen out but after 53 years of marriage it didn't seem massively different. Then end of June FIL began to feel unwell, achey and erratic in his behaviour. We visited them on Monday 29th June with their shopping as I was shocked my FIL looked unwell, peaky, greasy hair and just sad ( he was always a well kept proud man). By the following week he'd declined in illness to having an ambulance called where he went in on 8th July 2020 and we haven't seen him since.
I could write it all out but I'm sure no one wants to read it ... my FIL is now under section 3 of the mental health act, as a family we are surviving - lots of anger at each other yet non of this is our fault .. FIL been diagnosed with Alzheimers, plus frontal vascular dementia and potentially 'Lewis Bodies'.....
My MIL at 82 is on her own and unhappy we've offered for her to live with us but atm she wants to stay home .... Our kids at 9 - 11 are picking up on the unhappiness in our home but all I see is my husband angry or sad thinking this is him in the future or why he didn't get help for his dad sooner. Due to CV19 regulations and FIL in hospital we are unable to see him, we don't ring as it was upsetting him too much and has now stopped asking for us. Such a cruel 2020.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
7,211
Bristol
So much to deal with and sadly guilt comes with caring, @KathMB. This lockdown has caused so much more stress and hardship for people with dementia and for carers, so you all have sympathy and empathy here.
Welcome to DTP where you will find support and advice from others dealing with similar issues.
 

StephW

New member
Sep 22, 2020
7
I'm so very sorry for your situation Kath, Covid has caused all manner of problems and made an already difficult situation far worse. Its a very stressful time. In my parents case, they knew that my Mum was getting forgetful etc but I think they thought it was just old age and that they could cope. It may be that your husband's parents thought similar. I sometimes wonder whether I should have pushed my parents more but its not that easy, especially if they are private people. Sending big hugs xx
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
853
Oh goodness, that is a lot to deal with and in such a short time. The shock and stress will be making you all angry but nobody is to blame, of course. We can all look back and think we could have done more but we can only ever do what we think right at the time. Are you able to send cards and gifts to your father in law so that he knows you are thinking of him? Hopefully, he will be given the treatment and medication that he needs and you will all have time to adjust. Please try to be kind to yourselves and to each-other in the meantime. Keep posting. There are always people here to listen, and give you support and advice.