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Living at home & thinking about getting extra help

Discussion in 'Health and wellbeing' started by sue_ellen, Dec 26, 2015.

  1. sue_ellen

    sue_ellen Registered User

    Dec 26, 2015
    So my brother and I are the only people caring for our 79 yr old father who has 'established' alzheimers. Not sure what that means but day to day is becoming a challenge as we worry more and more about dad.

    Fiercely independent, we shield him and him protect from so much. But despite my visiting every other day and countless phone calls and my brother driving down after a long days work to be with him every weekend - we are drowning.

    Which care team do we speak to? memory clinic has signed his care back to our GP which means sod all, geriatric care is in name only. No one is checking up on him. His development in the condition.... Difficult topics like continence and hygiene are starting to emerge.

    What do I do. I want to be more of a daughter and less of a carer. Dad really only trusts us and we need to maintain his pride for as long as we can.

    It's draining

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  2. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    Hi Sue Ellen
    It is a difficult situation but there is a lot of help out there
    Here is a starter which I hope will help

    If you have an Admiral Nurse in your area (you will need to google it) then lots of people have said how helpful they are.

    You can phone Social Services Adult Care Duty Desk and ask for an assessment if there have been no recommendations from the Unit - services like carers visiting to help with the daily routine/personal care or day care that should be an option - a day centre where your OH can go for lunch and activities. As well as our social services centre we also have Crossroads Day Centre where people can go for up to 3 days

    It is worth googling Dementia activities + your area to see what is going on. There is probably a fair bit but you need to search for it. Some care homes also do 'day care' which can be useful but I would try the day centres first

    You can also ask for a carers assessment - this will give you a break and give you some 'free' hours of help possibly. it might seem early days to be thinking of a 'break' but a few hours here and there is a good idea from as early on as you can.

    If you are not already getting it do apply for Attendance Allowance - the forms are a bit tricky in that you have to imagine the worst possible day and write down the help that OH needs (not the help that he gets but what he NEEDS). Attendance Allowance is not means tested and you should get it, if you need some help with the forms come back and ask Age UK are really good at helping with assessing what benefits you can claim and then they also help you fill in the forms - someone will come to your house. Age UK are also very good at practical advice and help - Age UK Advice line free national advice line that is open 365 days a year 24 hours a day. To talk to someone, just call 0800 169 2081.

    I would strongly advise you to join your local carers organisation - they usually have a carers cafe (and so do Alzheimers society in some areas) and it is worth a morning off to go and find out what help there is in your area over a cup of coffee - lots of friendship and support face to face and everyone in the same boat.

    If there are issues with incontinence all areas have a continence service - you will need to look up your Trust or google your area plus Continence Service. The continence nurses we have had have been wonderful and pads are supplied free by the NHS. This made all the difference to us.

    The Dementia helpline is a useful number to have

    lzheimer's Society National Dementia Helpline 0300 222 1122 can provide information, support, guidance and signposting to other appropriate organisations.

    The Helpline is usually open from:
    9am - 8pm Monday to Wednesday
    9am - 5pm on Thursday and Friday
    10am - 4pm on Saturday and Sunday

    Come back and ask if there is anything you need to know - someone will know or can give practical tips or has had experience of it.
  3. balloo

    balloo Registered User

    Sep 21, 2013
    i am sorry to say but i have bee carering for my MIL for 3 years she lives wit us. she was surposed to be carered for by GP has vascualr dementia and surpose to have her Bp checked regualry .that's a joke o even once a year.only help we have is a sitter 9 hrs a month

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