1. Susel

    Susel New member

    Sep 16, 2019
    I’m new. My lovely mum has Alzheimer’s and is now much worse. Eats v little, problems with continence, difficulty with sight. And then suddenly has a normal conversation! I work and she has three carer visits a day for last 3 years. I now worry about her in her own.

    Does anyone have any view re live in care v care home? At least at home she has her things around her but can one person cope and what about their down time? Help!
  2. AztecCamera87

    AztecCamera87 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2019
    My dad doesn't have a diagnosis. I want him to be at home for as long as possible. But he has sadly now got to a point where he doesn't always recognise his home as... well... His home. I am also having the same dilemma as you. Would also love to hear what other carers suggest.
  3. 3gingerpickles

    3gingerpickles New member

    Sep 16, 2019
    Hi Susel. I'm also new here. My Mum has had a diagnosis of Alzheimers for about 2.5 yrs and also lives at home. She has 4 social care visits a day - just increased from 3 but still enjoys our time when I visit and manages to get out in the community to some social groups. The reason I post is that I'm interested in your question and have the same concerns.

    One of the big differences that I could see is that live in care for us. At least what I looked at was unaffordable whereas a care home is funded in a different way. So I guess I crossed live in care off my list. Would happily be told I'm wrong!

    Following your post keenly. Mike
  4. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    hello @Susel and @mlusmore
    a warm welcome to DTP

    I couldn't move in to live with my dad, who started leaving the house at night, and didn't feel that live-in carers would be able to cope with him when he was anxious and 'in your face', so chose residential care ... he needed a team of staff to support him

    the question of live-in care does come up ... here's a link to search results (done on the Home page to search all forums) something there may be of use
  5. RosettaT

    RosettaT Registered User

    Sep 9, 2018
    Mid Lincs
    I enquired about care at home via my OH care company. It is expensive, £1,500 per week in my area as a self funder. On top of that the carer has to have a 2hr break a day, tho' that was included in the price. You also need to provide food and a room of their own. It will cost more if they nèd to get up in the night more thsn twice.
    It should be less expensive if you have private carers but ideally you would need to find 3 to cover illness and holidays and unless they are self employed you need to think about tax, NI, sickness & holiday pay on top of their wages.
    Compared to care in a care/nursing home where there is 24hr cover and possibly nursing care on hand it does appear to be an expensive option. Howwever it's not always about money and maybe just the sort of solution thats works best for the PWD depending on their finances and situation.
  6. Susel

    Susel New member

    Sep 16, 2019
    Thanks that’s really helpful. I suppose deep down I know the answer it’s just I feel so mean as it’s her home and lifelong belongings
  7. Pete1

    Pete1 Registered User

    Jul 16, 2019
    Hi @Susel @AztecCamera87 I can speak from experience on this one! My Mum had always wanted to remain in her bungalow (she had nursed Dad through dementia too and he eventually had to go into residential care as his needs became more acute), I fought hard to keep Mum at home and looked into 24 home care as her needs increased. However, she became more and more unfamiliar with her surroundings and frightened so actually being at home served no longer served the purpose of providing comfort. She actually was found wandering down the road on her walking frame by one of the carers - when we got her back 'home' she didn't recognise it - she had been trying to get to her childhood home. I then took the step of residential care it offered far more and within a week Mum had actually improved significantly - albeit still confused at times but much happier and I was left scratching my head as to why I fought against it in the first place.The home did offer a range of activities that Mum signed up for at the start of every week she was far more content. Just to add we were self-funding so we had the choice of home, which helped as I she was very close to me and I was able to visit every day.
  8. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    So Mums wishes are to remain in her own home, & as her LPA I will honour this until it is no longer an option; then I will cross that bridge when I come to it. Yes options are 24 hour carers vs care home. I can’t move Mum in with me; it’s complicated as they say... neither can I move in with her.

    I guess I’ve already decided that I will try agency 24 hour care & see how that goes until I run out of options, then it will be a care home. It’s all I can do to honour Mums wishes to remain in her own home.
    Money ...well ... it’s not mine it’s hers ... all the years of scrimping & saving, going without... so a dignified end of life & death is what I hope to achieve for Mum.

    Then I have done my best, to the best of my abilities & I hope I can live with that, & not be torn apart by regrets.
  9. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    Hi.Dad has carers 4times a day.He doesn’t have much mobility.He can only move with a carers help and a frame..
    Dad’s wishes are to stay at home.
    So as much as I think he would be better off in a home,I will abide by them.
    At the moment he has “capacity “so nothing can be done until it is considered “unsafe “by the GP or he cannot make an informed decision.
    He has no overnight care at the moment..
  10. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    Mum would not allow carers in her home, so although she tried to make me promise that I would "never put her in a home" when she had a TIA and was found to be severely dehydrated and malnourished I had no option. She did not recognise her home as her home, or her possessions as hers and was constantly out in the middle of the night, very inadequately dressed, looking for her home.

    Once she moved into her care home she was so much happier, she lost all her anxiety and paranoia and she thrived. She made friends, joined in the activities and put some weight back on.

    It taught me that just because mum said that she didnt want something when she was well, it doesnt mean that it is still the best thing to do once dementia enters the room.
  11. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    My dad started falling and no longer recognised his home as own. He was also awake and wandering at night. At this point I realised he needed 24/7 care and I thought it was too much for one person to deal with (apart from the cost being higher than a carehome) so dad went to a carehome.

    I honestly think I was more upset about it than he was. Once he'd settled in I realised it was best for him. Not what we'd wanted, but dad was safe and well looked after. There was always someone around, whatever time of day or night he needed them and they weren't exhausted. He even joined in with the activities sometimes.

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