Is it possible to manage a live in carer at a distance? My mum is 85 with fairly early stage dementia - she's generally good conversationally although does get muddled at times and could be vulnerable. If we go down this route I would probably only be able to visit once every other weekend as I live two hours away. Is this a practical plan? The agency say lots of clients' families live fairly far away but I'm worried I might need to be dashing down to sort things out all the time.
Live in carers at a distance
- Thread starter AmberC
- Start date
Hello @AmberC Welcome.
What options do you have for care for your mum?
Would a live in carer be prepared to be on call 24/7or would the agency provide carers on shift?
I have no experience to offer but feel doubtful about the continued success of such an arrangement.
Might it be better to move your mum into sheltered accommodation, near to you?
What options do you have for care for your mum?
Would a live in carer be prepared to be on call 24/7or would the agency provide carers on shift?
I have no experience to offer but feel doubtful about the continued success of such an arrangement.
Might it be better to move your mum into sheltered accommodation, near to you?
A live-in carer will want breaks - about 2 hours in the afternoon - will want holidays and there will be times of sickness or other emergencies. Usually the family is expected to cover these. They also dont do financial things or sort out house maintenance and/or repairs. If the washing machine breaks down or a pipe bursts you will be expected to sort it out.
Does your mum sleep at night? A live-in carer will only be expected to attend to them twice during the night. If there is more, or your mum is awake a lot of the time, she will need a second night shift (night awake) carer, which is eye-wateringly expensive.
I looked at a live-in carer for mum, but we couldnt afford it, couldnt cover the times the carer would be absent, mum was up all night and she wouldnt have accepted a live-in carer anyway. I know that some people have worked it successfully, though, and I hope they will post soon.
Does your mum sleep at night? A live-in carer will only be expected to attend to them twice during the night. If there is more, or your mum is awake a lot of the time, she will need a second night shift (night awake) carer, which is eye-wateringly expensive.
I looked at a live-in carer for mum, but we couldnt afford it, couldnt cover the times the carer would be absent, mum was up all night and she wouldnt have accepted a live-in carer anyway. I know that some people have worked it successfully, though, and I hope they will post soon.
Thank you for your response. My mum is currently in a care home on respite but I feel this may have been the wrong decision. I would use an agency so they should cover holidays etc. On an initial assessment, the agency said she would be ok to be left during carer breaks but obviously this could change.
Generally my mum does sleep and I don't think she would wake more than twice in a night. It would be interesting to hear whether people have had successful experiences of managing a live in carer from a different location. I know I would be reliant on the telephone and neighbours to gauge how my mum was getting on with the carer much of the time.
Hi there
I have experience at making this work from a distance. If you mum doesn’t need 24 7 watching and the Carer will be able to go off for breaks this might work for a time. In my experience it’s not a long term solution. I made it work for two years but I’m not going to lie, it was extremely stressful.
My husband and I have recently engaged a live-in carer fot an elderly friend. It's important to understand that live-in care does not replicate what a family carer would do. The carer has working hours, typically two shifts of five or six hours with a two hour break in between, and when her shift ends she is off-duty and is not at the beck and call of her client. If the client cannot be left alone during the breaks you have to pay for another carer to cover those. Typically, there will be a primary carer who will work for a number of weeks and then have a week or two off and a second carer will cover those periods. Four weeks on - one week off or six weeks on - two weeks off are common but this varies from agency to agency and carer to carer.
If the client wants to go to bed late / potters around until late at night / wanders at night / is up more than twice a night that is a problem. The usual provision in the contract is that the carer will not get up more than twice night. If the client needs more attention than that then you have to engage a second, waking night carer who is essentially working a night shift. This makes the care package extremely expensive.
If family cannot step in at short notice then I strongly recommend engaging a carer through an agency. It is cheaper to engage / employ a carer yourself but it does leave you exposed if something happens and you have to find another carer at short notice.
It is true that a live-in carer cannot deal with financial matters and problems with the property. However, she will be there to let the tradesman in once you have arranged the visit and agreed the price for the work. That can save you a lot of time if you are given a time slot for the visit. You can pay for the work by card over the phone or make a bank transfer. I would say that a visit to your mother once a fortnight should be enough to support a live-in care package.
A live-in carer should also be able to arrange and attend medical appointments with the client. Similarly, she would also be able to take the client to have her hair cut or to visit a dentist, chiropodist, optician etc (some hairdressers, opticians and chiropodists will do home visits).
Live-in care can be a good option but it has its limitations and it is likely to be more expensive than a care home but this will depend on local circumstances.
If the client wants to go to bed late / potters around until late at night / wanders at night / is up more than twice a night that is a problem. The usual provision in the contract is that the carer will not get up more than twice night. If the client needs more attention than that then you have to engage a second, waking night carer who is essentially working a night shift. This makes the care package extremely expensive.
If family cannot step in at short notice then I strongly recommend engaging a carer through an agency. It is cheaper to engage / employ a carer yourself but it does leave you exposed if something happens and you have to find another carer at short notice.
It is true that a live-in carer cannot deal with financial matters and problems with the property. However, she will be there to let the tradesman in once you have arranged the visit and agreed the price for the work. That can save you a lot of time if you are given a time slot for the visit. You can pay for the work by card over the phone or make a bank transfer. I would say that a visit to your mother once a fortnight should be enough to support a live-in care package.
A live-in carer should also be able to arrange and attend medical appointments with the client. Similarly, she would also be able to take the client to have her hair cut or to visit a dentist, chiropodist, optician etc (some hairdressers, opticians and chiropodists will do home visits).
Live-in care can be a good option but it has its limitations and it is likely to be more expensive than a care home but this will depend on local circumstances.
My elderly friend was in a care home for six weeks whilst we were arranging live-in care for her. I too felt that a care home was not yet the right place for her because her dementia was still in the early stages and there were very few people for her to socialise with, not helped by Covid. Most care home residents either have mid to late stage dementia or complex nursing needs. My friend was on the nursing floor and you passed people lying in bed as you walked down the corridor to her room. There was very little socialising in the communal areas as far as I could see. I did see the dementia floor and there were more people in the communal lounge there.
There are still frail elderly people who go and live in care homes but there are fewer than there used to be because they are supported to stay at home for much longer, enabled by technology.
There are still frail elderly people who go and live in care homes but there are fewer than there used to be because they are supported to stay at home for much longer, enabled by technology.
